[open, backdated to May] like i'm losing my mind

[superposition]

Who: Qubit, open
What: Belated amnesia shenanigans! Watch Qubit steadily grow more and more frustrated-
When: month of May 2020
Where: around Anchor
Warnings: TBD

01 | try { qubit = new Identity(); }

[ So, Qubit's behavior has taken a turn for the weird.

For one thing, residents get to see a lot more of him over the month of May, because he's started living out of an actual dorm instead of his lab. The more astute may notice what he's not doing. He's not performing maintenance, or doing lab experiments... or showing up for meals reliably.

His ability to sit still already wasn't stellar, but now it's more pronounced. You might catch him coming and going at odd hours, or pacing the halls muttering to himself, or taking notes on a pad of paper with a pen.

He even looks slightly different. His hair, for one - there was already some variation in his signature quiff from day to day, but now they're not as tall, the styling is a little more experimental, and whatever kind of product he's using doesn't hold quite as well.

But perhaps the most obvious indicator something's wrong: he's occasionally wearing colors other than green. ]

02 | while (true) { read(); }

[ One place he ends up pretty regularly, though, is the library. He's found he hates the feeling of not knowing things, and this leads him to devour pretty much any book he can find that has to do with science. Physics, chemistry, biology, astronomy, anything. He piles them high and reads them quickly, impatient to get to the next one.

They're somewhat advanced texts - university level, certainly - but not advanced enough that they'd be useful to him under normal circumstances. Even then, he's not finding it easy to focus. It's like his mind wants to absorb information faster than his eyes can serve it up, and because of that, it's latching on to every distraction it can find. Even if you think you're being quiet, anyone who dawdles more than a minute or two will be getting an irritated glare and a stern reprimand. ]

Would it kill you to keep it down?

03 | catch GatewayFailedException e { Gateway.lockdown(); }

[ Inevitably, though, he eventually finds his way back to R&D. He may poke around in unlocked areas to get a feel for the place, but his primary target is one lab in particular: the one that he's determined is his.

He thought it would be relatively simple. Sure, he can't remember any of his passcodes, but his biometrics haven't changed. Of course, nothing can ever be that easy - the thumbprint scanner works, but the keypad locks him out after a few random passcode attempts, prompting a sigh and some more self-directed muttering. ]

Suppose I should've expected that. Fine, Plan B it is.

[ It's an electronic lock, after all. He may not be clear on how to create anything with this power of his, but he's remarkably good at breaking shit, and for once that may actually come in handy. A moment's concentration, a wave of his hand, a brief cascade of blue light, and the mechanism comes away from the door in pieces, which clatter onto the floor as he releases them.

Did it work? He actually looks hopeful for a second... until the door emits a quick series of loud ker-thunks, and he realizes with sudden dismay that that's the sound of more locks engaging. ]

A fail-safe...?!

[ He might need some help. ]

[ OR: PM or hit me up on Discord (Kae#6067) for plotting or another prompt! ]

Comments

[superposition]

[ For a few uneasy seconds, Qubit doesn't answer, but - he softens, gradually, seeing the remorse in Carlisle's eyes. He knew it wouldn't work. He was troubleshooting, it could have been related. He's trying to help. He wouldn't knowingly harm me. ]

I... I do.

[ He sighs heavily, deliberately, pressing a hand to his forehead. ]

I do believe you. Sorry, I might have... overreacted.

[ Might have. He isn't totally convinced - it still feels chilling, and part of him even wants to be furious, for reasons he can't quite explain. But...

... he really wants to trust Carlisle. That's mostly a gut feeling, too, but if any other gut feelings want to supplant it, they'll have to carry a substantial burden of proof. ]

[abheirrant]

[Relieved as he may be, Carlisle shakes his head.]

I could have warned you what I was doing, but I chose not to. For that, I am sorry. Your reaction is not undeserved, and in truth, you have little reason to trust me, if my messages were all you had to go by.

[Maybe it's the memory loss, but Qubit took the fact Carlisle can compel people a lot harder this time around. He's sure the idea of losing his mind and free will is terribly sore at this time for Qubit, but given how much the technomancer values his cunning and intellect, perhaps it always has been. As losing himself is a very real fear for Carlisle, particularly these days, he can relate.]

[superposition]

[ You hit the nail on the head, Carlisle. And what he actually said isn't wrong, either. Qubit starts to relax somewhat, inwardly grateful for the validation. It's a legitimate fear; he's lost enough of his mind as it is.

But it's got him thinking. It's true, he doesn't have much reason to trust Carlisle. He's known the man for less than half an hour, from his perspective. As a person, he doesn't know the first thing about him. And the power at his disposal is terrifying.

Even so... ]

... Well, I'm not sure reason has much to do with that.

[ Which probably sounds weird, coming from him. Even Qubit himself seems a little perplexed. Reason is the only way he knows how to make sense of the world. His sole emotional refuge has been mathematics - the knowledge that there exist well-defined systems where everything fits neatly together. Yet he's basing his trust on a gut feeling? On intuition?

He takes a seat on the bed again, pressing his fingertips together in that way he does. He's just gonna think out loud for a second. ]

... Logically speaking, if you wanted to harm me, you've had ample opportunity. But you're trying to help, and you've been nothing but patient with me. Frankly, I have equally little reason not to trust you.

And... I'd rather trust you.

[abheirrant]

[There's something touching about what Qubit has to say, even if he's largely thinking aloud.

It's true: if Carlisle wanted to do harm, he absolutely could. He could do plenty of harm. It has not escaped him that even before his death, he had an immense, dangerous power at his disposal, a powerful, magical gift fitting of his bloodline. The energy he uses to heal is merely the opposite side of the coin from the necrotic ones animating him; his control over them in life gave birth to his Revenant form, allowing him mastery over them even in death. The skill with which he mends flesh and bone could easily be used to twist and manipulate a body under his control, regardless of if his victim was alive, allowing him to create aberrations more fitting of nightmares than a colony. He's done so before, albeit by accident.

But while he could do harm, he hasn't. He is trying to help, and if that's evidence enough for Qubit to want to trust him, it should be enough for Carlisle, too. He spent a lifetime of not believing himself capable of anything beyond his work: he was the failure of the Longinmouth line, after all. Thus far, he's spent much of his unlife doing the same, only able to see the horrors he could commit unintentionally than his capacity for good, whatever his form. Others have seen it, and tried to get him to do the same, but it's a process, one he's working on bit by bit... even if he is currently living at the barn to get away from people because he fears what his presence could do to them.

While this Qubit doesn't remember the many times Carlisle has faltered before him — when he's lost his temper and fallen in line with his Revenant nature, raised the dead around him without an ounce of control, question whether or not he had any worth left as the very kind of abomination he abhors most — it still means an incredible amount that he wants to trust Carlisle. He'd rather trust him than not.]

I... thank you, Mister Qubit. I will continue to do my best to not betray that trust. And hopefully, you will one day recall why it is you promised to contact me upon your return from the maze rather than someone else.

[He isn't sure how else to put what he's feeling into words. Emotions are so strong to him these days: when one feels little else, what he does experience is seemingly magnified, both the good and the bad.]

Regardless of... well. [The mind-control thing, as he says with a vague gesture.] Those particular somethings seem to protect your mind from outward intrusion. Perhaps your memory is still in there, simply locked away, awaiting the key.

[superposition]

[ Qubit rests his fingers against his mouth, nodding. That's another good point - that prior to entering the maze, he must have known Carlisle would care whether or not he came back. He must have trusted him with that information. So he's actually vouched for him himself, in a roundabout way. This isn't the last surprise Carlisle has in store for him, he can feel it, but... he means well. He's a friend, and he's trying to help. That's what's most important.

... Anyway, back on topic. They have learned something from all this, at least. Whatever else these "somethings" inside him do, they're protecting his mind from...

Qubit perks up suddenly, realizing something. ]

Wait wait wait. Go back a second. If that's true - that they're protecting me - then that actually narrows it down, doesn't it? That is - [ He springs to his feet, reenergized. ] - whatever it is they're protecting me from, specifically, we can probably rule that out as the cause!

[abheirrant]

[Memory issues or not, it's good to know Qubit is still himself in the fact that he's quick to keep moving, focusing on what information they've garnered and what they can learn from it. It takes him a second to parse out exactly what it is he's suggesting, but he nods regardless.]

I suppose. Whatever they're protecting you from would be an indirect cause at best, but I suppose in trying times like these, we must accept what progress we can.