Gokudera feels like he's been an anchor. Wherever he's gone, Takeshi has been there. He flows about carefree, laughing and smiling and making everyone happy, and all Gokudera's ever been good at is sinking down, holding fast. He's reliable, the voices around him say otherwise. Gokudera's earnest nature means that everything he's done has a lot of heart behind it. No one cares. We just knew you'd be a little useful, and now that you're not, it's good we get to throw you away. He finally found someone to love him. You're only important to him because you're the only piece of home he has, and you were too stupid to avoid getting bitten.
Some Right-Hand you are. You can't even protect yourself. It's Tsuna's voice, and Gokudera chokes. He's looking at Takeshi still, but all around them, creeping up behind him are these figures. He wants to lash out at them, to deny what they're saying. Instead his eyes glance about, these are people he knows all standing behind Takeshi, speaking things that bring him down.
"No..." He croaks, color draining from his face. I don't tend to boys, says Shamal's voice, his doctor, his mentor. "I don't care... I just want him to be safe. I'm sorry. I- I can't-" Gokudera tries to sit up, the collar sliding from his neck nothing more than an idle sensation in his wild mind. He's seeing things, but what stops them from being real?
All this time, Gokudera could have been spared the pain. Upon first meeting Yamamoto, could have just said 'hey can you take this off for me?' and then the collar would have deactivated, would not be able to channel between them whenever his owner was upset or happy. From first seeing the swordsman, Gokudera was feeling beside himself. That they'd be together again, like soulmates, and then... to find that this was not the same person, to have to bottle everything up. He should have told him sooner. But that reminder to him, no matter how dangerous his collar was, told him about everything they'd been through together.
No matter where or when, he's always been in love with Takeshi. He's not his property, but the collar is more than that. It holds so much between them, things he wants to share, to smile about. He wants to load it with more of their experiences together. There may be a way to unlock memories or visions, if the swordsman wants to have it inspected. It would hurt, but it would be a sort of bittersweet love letter for him, like watching a collection of scenes recorded from the second it was activated.
Gokudera doesn't know it's grown so literally attached to him that it holds such data. It's been a comfort.
He closes his eyes tight, and stops looking at the other people in the room. "Takeshi, just stay in Anchor. Not here. What's there.." Gokudera turns his head, grazing his forehead against the other boy's. "What if I come back and you're a zombie, huh?" He smiles and kisses Takeshi back. He's scared and unable to hide it. He loves him and doesn't plan on hiding it. "When I come back, you better not be in this room."
The tears are stopping. Now it's just fear and hesitation. His body feels odd, and there's a sort of pain radiating through him. Gokudera has never activated the flames inside himself aside from to heal or numb. To destroy, to completely disintegrate from the inside out... It's scary. It's going to hurt. A lot. Can he even will something like that? "I love you," He says and clenches his fists
He doesn't want to will this, doesn't want to die. Gokudera just wants to kill whatever disease this is inside him so that he can't hurt Takeshi. There's no way he'll turn and join that hoard. With his dying will he has to destroy himself. He has to keep him safe. He can visualize what he wants, but more than that, has to keep in mind that Takeshi will be there with him. The flame is like a spark, a warm heat in his chest that suddenly grows suffocating.
Gokudera gasps, pushes at Takeshi to get away with all the strength he can muster, because this is worse than he thought. He doesn't think he can contain it, and doesn't want to.
The sound that leaves his mouth is rattled, the sort of roar that accompanies fire burning away at paper, and then there's a crack when he tries to cough. Blood and smoke come out of his mouth and he writhes. His chest is literally glowing, pink and red and black flames spreading beneath his skin, and suddenly he's still. Gokudera's eyes are still open, wide in fear and pain, and the fire continues, charring at his flesh, at hair, at clothing and the upholstery on the couch. His skin is black, accessories hanging off of him.
The rings rest on burning fingers, and the smell is not entirely unpleasant, oddly reminiscent of a pig before it's going out almost as soon as it started. Without a will to light it, without much of a person left to engulf, it leaves Gokudera's body little more than a charred husk, his legs and face mostly unharmed except for the blood that had boiled up and out of his mouth.
His jaw twitches and he shifts, reaching over with a hand that has rings sliding and falling to a clatter on the floor.
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Some Right-Hand you are. You can't even protect yourself. It's Tsuna's voice, and Gokudera chokes. He's looking at Takeshi still, but all around them, creeping up behind him are these figures. He wants to lash out at them, to deny what they're saying. Instead his eyes glance about, these are people he knows all standing behind Takeshi, speaking things that bring him down.
"No..." He croaks, color draining from his face. I don't tend to boys, says Shamal's voice, his doctor, his mentor. "I don't care... I just want him to be safe. I'm sorry. I- I can't-" Gokudera tries to sit up, the collar sliding from his neck nothing more than an idle sensation in his wild mind. He's seeing things, but what stops them from being real?
All this time, Gokudera could have been spared the pain. Upon first meeting Yamamoto, could have just said 'hey can you take this off for me?' and then the collar would have deactivated, would not be able to channel between them whenever his owner was upset or happy. From first seeing the swordsman, Gokudera was feeling beside himself. That they'd be together again, like soulmates, and then... to find that this was not the same person, to have to bottle everything up. He should have told him sooner. But that reminder to him, no matter how dangerous his collar was, told him about everything they'd been through together.
No matter where or when, he's always been in love with Takeshi. He's not his property, but the collar is more than that. It holds so much between them, things he wants to share, to smile about. He wants to load it with more of their experiences together. There may be a way to unlock memories or visions, if the swordsman wants to have it inspected. It would hurt, but it would be a sort of bittersweet love letter for him, like watching a collection of scenes recorded from the second it was activated.
Gokudera doesn't know it's grown so literally attached to him that it holds such data. It's been a comfort.
He closes his eyes tight, and stops looking at the other people in the room. "Takeshi, just stay in Anchor. Not here. What's there.." Gokudera turns his head, grazing his forehead against the other boy's. "What if I come back and you're a zombie, huh?" He smiles and kisses Takeshi back. He's scared and unable to hide it. He loves him and doesn't plan on hiding it. "When I come back, you better not be in this room."
The tears are stopping. Now it's just fear and hesitation. His body feels odd, and there's a sort of pain radiating through him. Gokudera has never activated the flames inside himself aside from to heal or numb. To destroy, to completely disintegrate from the inside out... It's scary. It's going to hurt. A lot. Can he even will something like that? "I love you," He says and clenches his fists
He doesn't want to will this, doesn't want to die. Gokudera just wants to kill whatever disease this is inside him so that he can't hurt Takeshi. There's no way he'll turn and join that hoard. With his dying will he has to destroy himself. He has to keep him safe. He can visualize what he wants, but more than that, has to keep in mind that Takeshi will be there with him. The flame is like a spark, a warm heat in his chest that suddenly grows suffocating.
Gokudera gasps, pushes at Takeshi to get away with all the strength he can muster, because this is worse than he thought. He doesn't think he can contain it, and doesn't want to.
The sound that leaves his mouth is rattled, the sort of roar that accompanies fire burning away at paper, and then there's a crack when he tries to cough. Blood and smoke come out of his mouth and he writhes. His chest is literally glowing, pink and red and black flames spreading beneath his skin, and suddenly he's still. Gokudera's eyes are still open, wide in fear and pain, and the fire continues, charring at his flesh, at hair, at clothing and the upholstery on the couch. His skin is black, accessories hanging off of him.
The rings rest on burning fingers, and the smell is not entirely unpleasant, oddly reminiscent of a pig before it's going out almost as soon as it started. Without a will to light it, without much of a person left to engulf, it leaves Gokudera's body little more than a charred husk, his legs and face mostly unharmed except for the blood that had boiled up and out of his mouth.
His jaw twitches and he shifts, reaching over with a hand that has rings sliding and falling to a clatter on the floor.