[ Ben takes the cup from Klaus, but the gesture is an automatic one. Because now that Klaus is here, asking those questions in a voice still half-mumbly with sleep, Ben realizes that, no. He hasn't done any of those things. He hadn't even decided not to do those things.
He looks up from the glass to Klaus, admits, in a voice that comes out smaller than he meant it to: ]
...I forgot.
[ He hadn't forgotten that he was alive again, but it's been so long that he's out of the habit of taking care of himself. The fact is, he's been dead practically as long as he ever was alive. And for most of those years, it had never been his choice, when he could sleep, when he could eat, what were the allowed times to shower or use the bathroom. Of course, Ben's been with Klaus in all the years since then, seen him living outside that rigid routine, but he hadn't been participating in it. He has a lot of practice at nagging Klaus that he needs to eat something, and no practice at following through on self-maintenance himself.
As soon as he puts the cup to his lips and drinks, Ben realizes how dehydrated he must be. The water going down his throat feels amazing, and he quickly drains the rest, gives a grateful little nod.
The exhaustion, and hunger, and light-headedness - all of it contributes in a way. For a long time, it's been easy for Ben to keep a firm handle on his emotions (except anger, which was easier as a ghost than it had ever been when he was alive). It's only now that he's getting that part of the reason that was, was because he didn't have a body. None of those chemicals crashing together inside him, churned up by a heartbeat, impossible to shut off. It's all hitting him again like a flood, and he can't find the shutoff valve. ]
Klaus... I'm alive again. I'm alive-
[ His voice cracks on the word the second time, and he deliberately gets to his feet, stalls by going to pour more water into Klaus's glass, sipping at it before offering it to his brother again, and finishing: ]
I- barely remember how to be alive anymore.
[ It's not the sort of thing Ben would probably have admitted to Klaus if he were thinking straight, if he hadn't already given that away. He has spent a long time being the competent, calm one, faking it even when he wasn't to support his brother. But he hasn't got any faking in him right now. ]
no subject
He looks up from the glass to Klaus, admits, in a voice that comes out smaller than he meant it to: ]
...I forgot.
[ He hadn't forgotten that he was alive again, but it's been so long that he's out of the habit of taking care of himself. The fact is, he's been dead practically as long as he ever was alive. And for most of those years, it had never been his choice, when he could sleep, when he could eat, what were the allowed times to shower or use the bathroom. Of course, Ben's been with Klaus in all the years since then, seen him living outside that rigid routine, but he hadn't been participating in it. He has a lot of practice at nagging Klaus that he needs to eat something, and no practice at following through on self-maintenance himself.
As soon as he puts the cup to his lips and drinks, Ben realizes how dehydrated he must be. The water going down his throat feels amazing, and he quickly drains the rest, gives a grateful little nod.
The exhaustion, and hunger, and light-headedness - all of it contributes in a way. For a long time, it's been easy for Ben to keep a firm handle on his emotions (except anger, which was easier as a ghost than it had ever been when he was alive). It's only now that he's getting that part of the reason that was, was because he didn't have a body. None of those chemicals crashing together inside him, churned up by a heartbeat, impossible to shut off. It's all hitting him again like a flood, and he can't find the shutoff valve. ]
Klaus... I'm alive again. I'm alive-
[ His voice cracks on the word the second time, and he deliberately gets to his feet, stalls by going to pour more water into Klaus's glass, sipping at it before offering it to his brother again, and finishing: ]
I- barely remember how to be alive anymore.
[ It's not the sort of thing Ben would probably have admitted to Klaus if he were thinking straight, if he hadn't already given that away. He has spent a long time being the competent, calm one, faking it even when he wasn't to support his brother. But he hasn't got any faking in him right now. ]