For a few minutes, he's lost in his own head, jaw clenching, teeth grit, eyes squeezed shut, trying to imagine living the rest of his life without anything to take the edge off how he feels. Living the rest of his life without anything to escape into, nothing to make him feel good and happy. Nothing to take away the pain of losing Dave and knowing he's never going to be loved again and all his memories and the flashbacks and the ghosts. It feels intolerable, like he'd rather die than do that.

But Julie's hands are soft over his as she touches his hands, and he stops scratching, taking a shaky inhale through a tense body.

"Yeah, yeah I can do that." he says, his throat dry, then he opens his eyes and looks over at her, licks his lips, "I Just don't know how to live without it. In Hadriel there was so much other stuff to think about, there was the war, and I didn't have any real options, but here..."

He shakes his head, squeezes his eyes shut again, "I just feel like I'd rather die than keep going on like this."