Ben swallows hard when Cole finishes setting up their little sanctuary and settles himself so neatly against his back. He might not radiate as much heat as another human being would, but he is still a little warm, and his presence helps more than he might realize. Because feeling Cole so close to him, holding him like this, Ben's heart is racing, and he's all full of adrenaline and elation and nerves, and it helps him to stay warm.
For a moment he is confused at what Cole's saying, until Cole's fingers are touching his stomach. Ben starts at that, but then settles once again. He understands. Cole is talking to Them, reassuring Them. Asking them to make him warm. He's not really sure that's something they can do, but Ben notices it, now. Faintly in the bottom of his mind, nothing like words, but just - alarm. Restlessness.
"Tell Them - sorry. If you can."
It's still a new thing to get used to, thinking of this connection as something that can be just as unpleasant for Them as it can be for him. Ben feels a twinge of guilt, now, to be causing such concern.
But it is quickly lost beneath other matters, because Cole is here, so close to him, helping him, and trusting him, and would he even be doing that, if he knew? The much larger guilt that Ben feels is letting this happen and liking it so much. Because it feels good, Cole's body draped against his like this. It's new and wonderful and he is so afraid that he is going to say the wrong thing and Cole will move away, break off the contact.
"Cole, I- I have to tell you -"
The words are so difficult. Ben focuses for a moment on the feeling - nothing new, but something he has only recognized recently. How happy he is, every time he sees Cole. How it makes his stomach do flips, how much he liked it whenever Cole would hug him or hold his hand. How joyful Ben felt when he could make Cole laugh or smile, because he thought Cole deserved those things, and making him happy is the best thing. How much he likes Cole's face, his hands, the outside of him. How he feels more comfortable around Cole than he ever has with anyone. How all these things aren't, in fact, what he feels for his siblings or what he feels for his friends or what he's felt for anyone else before, ever.
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For a moment he is confused at what Cole's saying, until Cole's fingers are touching his stomach. Ben starts at that, but then settles once again. He understands. Cole is talking to Them, reassuring Them. Asking them to make him warm. He's not really sure that's something they can do, but Ben notices it, now. Faintly in the bottom of his mind, nothing like words, but just - alarm. Restlessness.
"Tell Them - sorry. If you can."
It's still a new thing to get used to, thinking of this connection as something that can be just as unpleasant for Them as it can be for him. Ben feels a twinge of guilt, now, to be causing such concern.
But it is quickly lost beneath other matters, because Cole is here, so close to him, helping him, and trusting him, and would he even be doing that, if he knew? The much larger guilt that Ben feels is letting this happen and liking it so much. Because it feels good, Cole's body draped against his like this. It's new and wonderful and he is so afraid that he is going to say the wrong thing and Cole will move away, break off the contact.
"Cole, I- I have to tell you -"
The words are so difficult. Ben focuses for a moment on the feeling - nothing new, but something he has only recognized recently. How happy he is, every time he sees Cole. How it makes his stomach do flips, how much he liked it whenever Cole would hug him or hold his hand. How joyful Ben felt when he could make Cole laugh or smile, because he thought Cole deserved those things, and making him happy is the best thing. How much he likes Cole's face, his hands, the outside of him. How he feels more comfortable around Cole than he ever has with anyone. How all these things aren't, in fact, what he feels for his siblings or what he feels for his friends or what he's felt for anyone else before, ever.