tenuefarfalla: need raw (carefully blank)
tenuefarfalla ([personal profile] tenuefarfalla) wrote in [community profile] redshiftlogs 2019-08-13 08:27 am (UTC)

Cho takes a tentative step forward, and then another, worried that Cole won't follow her, worried that he will. It's strange to feel such pure and desperate hope. She's not sure why it feels that way, because she's always been hopeful. She's hoped to be loved by her family, and when that fell through, she'd hoped to find friends that she could love, who would love her. She's hoped for a fulfilling career, to make a difference, to be seen and heard and valued. She's hoped her whole life to be really known by someone, and now that it's happened, she's afraid.

Afraid that she's damaged. Cho is afraid that the reason she's never felt that anyone saw her or heard her or really loved her and not just the idea of what she represented to them is because deep down, she's flawed, broken past the point of being lovable. She has so much to give, and you don't love with the expectation of getting something in return, but if all she ever does is give, one day she's going to run empty, isn't she? Is that the real danger of letting someone truly see her is, that they won't like what they find, and she'll lose them? And if Cole can really hear her soul, then he must know, and he could tell her, and then she'd know. And once she knows, she can't take any of it back.

"Do you see the bad things?" she asks as they walk, quietly, unable to look at him.

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