redshiftlogs | Open: A Kindness to soothe the hurts

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Open: A Kindness to soothe the hurts

Cole is what he is because of what he does and so what he does is try and help.

He doesn't understand electricity, or computers, or what 'genes' are. He can't cook because he doesn't eat and he barely recognises the robots as existing because they lack the thing that makes him realise they're real.

So he lets himself sit, quiet and open and he listens for the hurts he can help. The things that need soothing and the emotional wounds that fester and need lancing and the aches that just need airing to begin healing.

And when he hears it, he follows.

OOC: (Cole is a spirit of Compassion and has an instinctively understanding of what is troubling people and what might help them recover. This can be as simple as listening to someone talk, or as complex as setting up a situation that would allow them to relax and forget about it for a while.

If your muse needs (or wants) some kindness, leave a top level and Cole will come to help.)

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Deep down in his gut, Kieran feels that there's something fundamentally wrong with possessing a dead man's body. He's too exhausted to try and consider any moral quandaries surrounding the circumstances, however, and opts instead to nod and listen. For what it's worth, Cole's story is fascinating, if not difficult to parse thanks to poetic words painting an almost dreamlike experience; if nothing else, it's a nice reminder that even someone? something? as ethereal as a spirit could use a friend every once in a while. It's like Kieran's not crazy for wanting that kind of bond, as well.

He's able to share a smile, trickling tears notwithstanding.

"Who w-was the feller who helped you out?"

The Fade is dreamlike and spirits are the Fade. Cole's life is so multi levelled with inside and outside that the only start of communicating it is with those words.

"His name was Rhys. And even when he thought I might be a demon, or might be living in a dead body, which I wasn't, but even then, he wanted to help me. He didn't want me to hurt people, but he didn't want to make me suffer. He wanted to return me home, or help me to have a life. He was... the only kindness I'd ever known."

Cole's voice is so warm when he speaks of Rhys. The love and affection virtually rolls off him. And, he seems a little more... human.

The shift in Cole's tone widens the smile on Kieran's face and pushes the dark circles under his eyes into tiny, fine-lined bags. His brow furrows, however, when he connects a couple of implications from the rest of Cole's explanation.

"So, wait, the other spirit folks weren't nice to ya? Or am I just missin' something..."

Because it's beyond flabberghasting that any entity--human, spiritual, or otherwise--as gentle as Cole would encounter anything other than kindness. Especially when all he's tried to do, from the sound of things, is help out wherever he was needed.

Yes, the irony is lost on him.

"I was Compassion. Then I gained the memories and experiences of a boy, Cole. Now I'm Cole who is also Compassion. Spirits aren't interested in other spirits. Only mortals. Mortals feel and think and dream and aspire. Spirits just... are."

Except Cole. Cole thinks and feels. Cole understands "was" and "will be" as different things.

"Cole suffered a lot. So I remember suffering."

Kieran is silent while he digests Cole's words, piecing them together as carefully as his tired mind will allow. Finally, he nods with a confident dip of his head.

"I think I get it."

He wipes at his eyes again. They sting, undoubtedly from a mix of freshly shed tears and the dirt he's managed to smear on his face, but his vision's gone from blurry to somewhat clear. Sure, his heart's still a little sore, but it's like a wound that needed reopening to guide it into healing properly. He'll survive and be better off for it.

"I-Is it because you remembered all of Cole's sufferin' that you wanna help other folks with theirs?"

Cole watches, offers no advice or help about the dirty face or stinging eyes, because they're not things he's really aware of.

"No. I was Compassion before I ever knew of Cole. I help people because that's what I do, am, want to be. I am Compassion. I'm just also Cole now. Being Cole helps me.... understand. Put things in context."

"Is that how you wanna stay, then? As Cole? Or would you ever wanna go back to bein' a spirit?"

Dirty faces and emotional breakdowns aside, Kieran's curiosity is genuine and Cole's experiences are objectively unique. The one worry that crosses his mind is that perhaps he's asking too many questions and keeping Cole from helping someone else who needs it (and based on the people Kieran's met so far, plenty of people do).

Still, he's dying to know about this enigma who so effortlessly quelled that tempest inside of him. Just a little more.

That, or he's afraid of being alone again. Either is plausible. Or both at once.

"I am a spirit. I'm just also Cole. I don't want to go back to the Fade. I like the physical world. I can make a difference here."

It's an answer in a roundabout way. He wouldn't go back to the Fade. He doesn't belong there anymore. He doesn't belong here either, but that's okay.

"No one else needs me more than you do. If they did, I'd go to them. I've done what I can for Klaus and Ben and Peter."

For a second that feels like an eternity, Kieran wonders if he somehow voiced his concerns. Then, realization slowly dawns on him that of course Cole could read him. He can't tell if it's his mind or his heart (or both or something else entirely) that this strange feller can open up so easily, but it's unsettling. Comforting in its own way, sure, but still unsettling.

"I can't say I know Klaus, but I do know Ben and Peter. Are they alright? Can I help 'em out, too?"

"Klaus is Ben's brother. There's seven of them, but not seven here." He doesn't say anymore, because he's not meant to give spoilers from other people's stories. Varric said so.

"I can help Ben because we're both... we both know what it's like to be thought of as monsters. Peter needs to be reminded that he's only responsible for his actions and thoughts. I reminded him. Suffering itself is not heroic. But not being scared of Ben would help. Reminding Peter he's allowed to be a teenager."

It hurts to think that these friendly people he's come across in Anchor are harboring just as many inner demons as he is, possibly worse, but at least there's support available for them. That's a relief.

"Okay, sure. I can try to help, too. W-Would that make things easier for you, too?"

He wants to help his friends, sure, but he also wants to return Cole's kindness.

"When you care and try to help, you make things easier and better for everyone," Cole explains. "Just... care. Try to understand, even if you don't agree. People mistake understanding for agreeing. It's not the same, though."

He understood Lambert and that just made him more adamant he needed to be stopped.

Cole’s assertion about understanding and agreeing hits home. In theory—as a concept—Kieran’s always understood that, but putting it into practice was a whole different story. Amongst his new friends, however, that could change. He could change. For the better. That’s exciting in its own right.

“I can... I can do that. Yeah.”

Kieran allows himself a few more breaths before he slowly rises to his feet. In all honesty, he feels exhausted, but the day has to continue. He’s got work to do. Work that will hopefully wind up helping others, too.

“Thanks. I don’t remember if I said it or not already, but thanks.”

Cole smiles softly and nods again. "You... are welcome." It was said by rote, well learned as a response to being thanked.

"I don't do it for gratitude, though. It doesn't matter if no one ever thanks you, or even remembers. The important thing is making a difference."

Doing anything without expectation of some sort of gratitude--and actually meaning it, instead of resorting to a polite 'you don't have to thank me!'--feels like something Cole's more spirit-y side would say. Something to hold in high esteem and try to emulate, Kieran supposes.

"I'll keep that in mind," he agrees. Sincerely, too.

"D-Do you have anywhere else you gotta be? Or do ya wanna stay here while I work? You're welcome, either way."

He wouldn't mind the company. He'd welcome it, even, especially after that emotional ordeal. He'd also understand if Cole had places to be and people to help, despite the fact that he said he has no other obligations in this moment.

"I can help with the work. I help with work in Skyhold, sometimes things are too heavy for one, or I can get where other can't. And Cole used to hunt for his food."

Cole reaches and unsheathes one of the knives from his back. Silkdart is a beautifully cared for and dangerous looking knife. And clearly well used. "I know lots of practical skills too. Cole needed to know them."

That... is an impressive knife. One that Kieran feels is best to not ask the history of, despite Cole's all-around friendliness.

"Great! Don't think we'll be doin' much huntin', but I can show you some of what I've been workin' on'."

Kieran grins and waves for Cole to follow him.

"This way! I bet you'll even have some fun!"

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Open: A Kindness to soothe the hurts

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