[And angry for such a long time. Try as he might to deny his ever being a creature as vile as the Blight Heir, Carlisle so strongly relates to such statements that it gives him visible pause. He can recall so little of his time as a Revenant, but he knows well enough there was nothing but bitterness and anger in his heart, with occasional bouts of terrible, remorseful clarity as his only relief. Though no longer lost in his own mind, he still fights his nature as an undead, temperaments of hostility and despair often threatening to overpower the personality he knows is his own. It is easier these days, but still so intimidating that fear strangles his every move.
However, it is important he remember that he's not alone in this. There are people who knew him before willing to help him, offering him hope that he can once more attain some semblance of that better life he had in Hadriel; he has new acquaintances who would likely aid him if asked, ones to whom he may, at some point, have to explain himself. Perhaps they will reject him due to the atrocities he committed as the Blight Heir -- he could not blame them if they did.
It's fear that holds him back, just as it did in life. He was afraid before of what would happen to those who were near him, as though his curse may rub off on them; now, it is less the curse that frightens him, and more of what he may do accidentally. He was once horrified by his circumstances; now he is afraid of himself and of losing what little he has.
But as Genji says, it's a journey to find himself. It's long, and arduous, but... maybe it's necessary to move forward. He nods solemnly.]
It isn't easy, being angry at yourself. I understand that intimately.
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[And angry for such a long time. Try as he might to deny his ever being a creature as vile as the Blight Heir, Carlisle so strongly relates to such statements that it gives him visible pause. He can recall so little of his time as a Revenant, but he knows well enough there was nothing but bitterness and anger in his heart, with occasional bouts of terrible, remorseful clarity as his only relief. Though no longer lost in his own mind, he still fights his nature as an undead, temperaments of hostility and despair often threatening to overpower the personality he knows is his own. It is easier these days, but still so intimidating that fear strangles his every move.
However, it is important he remember that he's not alone in this. There are people who knew him before willing to help him, offering him hope that he can once more attain some semblance of that better life he had in Hadriel; he has new acquaintances who would likely aid him if asked, ones to whom he may, at some point, have to explain himself. Perhaps they will reject him due to the atrocities he committed as the Blight Heir -- he could not blame them if they did.
It's fear that holds him back, just as it did in life. He was afraid before of what would happen to those who were near him, as though his curse may rub off on them; now, it is less the curse that frightens him, and more of what he may do accidentally. He was once horrified by his circumstances; now he is afraid of himself and of losing what little he has.
But as Genji says, it's a journey to find himself. It's long, and arduous, but... maybe it's necessary to move forward. He nods solemnly.]
It isn't easy, being angry at yourself. I understand that intimately.
[He returns his gaze to Genji.]
Did you have someone there? So you weren't alone?