[open] i'm high, broke, searching for symbols

[substances]

Who: Klaus Hargreeves; OTA
What: just a catch-all for some threads that don't fit in the intro log and an open prompt (might add more later)
When: month of July
Where: various
Warnings: definitely drug use or thoughts of drug use; anything else tba in the subject lines



👻 aspiring horticulturist

It had taken Klaus approximately four days to completely run out of the weed he'd had in his pocket when he came from Hadriel. But since he's not really the type to run rescue missions and doesn't have the technical know-how to fix computers, he's mostly been wandering around the city trying to figure out what he actually can do. Trying to keep his mind occupied now that he doesn't have pot to turn to, trying to keep his mind off the painkillers in his bag back in his room.

When he makes his way to the upper levels, he lifts the bottom of his shirt to hold it over his mouth and nose, because the air up here is awful, and he pokes around a little bit, determined to check out what's going on and get the hell out of here. At least, until he finds the horticultural area. There's a computer there, the screen cracked and flickering, but it seems to be at least a little bit functional. Klaus doesn't know computers, but he's been using a phone since he arrived in Hadriel and that's like a month and a half of experience, so he heads over to the terminal, tapping at buttons under the screen until he figures out which one scrolls through the files of what kind of plants are stored here.

When he hears a sound behind him, he turns halfway to the side, glancing over his shoulder.

"Oh hey, do you know anything about computers?"

Comments

[benhargreeves]

[ Ben considers for a few moments. Obviously, Diego is wrong. Life is everything, and if anyone is in a position to know that it's Ben. What is more interesting to him is why Diego would say that. From what Ben had seen, he isn't usually a chipper optimist, or a carpe diem hedonist. But he'd never really struck Ben as someone who would call life, and his life in particular, not all it is cracked up to be.

There must be something on his mind, weighing on him. Keeping him up nights.

Looking up at his brother, grave and forthright in that particular way of his, he simply asks: ]

Why would you say that?

[deadlycurves]

Well, it's not like-- I mean, I'm not... [He huffs a soft sigh. It's too sensitive a topic, really, to just outright say 'I'm not suicidal or anything'. In general. And because he's talking to his formerly-dead brother. And because their other brother definitely has had those tendencies in the past (still has? Diego isn't completely sure, is too scared to really consider or think about it very much in very big detail, if he's honest with himself). He shrugs and settles on: ] I don't know... it's just really mundane sometimes? And... [He hesitates, trying to put what he's feeling into words, but it doesn't come to him. He doesn't know how to explain it. He sighs again, a little more defeated this time.] I don't know.

[substances]

[Klaus doesn't wake up right away, because the way that Ben acts out his nightmares is different than the way Klaus does. Klaus whimpers and cries out and screams sometimes, but Ben is still and tense and silent, his back all cold sweat and breath coming fast and shallow. If Klaus weren't such a light sleeper, he might have missed it altogether.

But he is a light sleeper, he has been for most of his life, honed by years of sleeping in unsafe places, alleys and strangers' homes and homeless shelters. So when the way Ben rests against him changes, and he feels the front of his body wet with sweat from Ben's back, and hears the change in the way Ben breathes, it stirs him to consciousness. Slowly, he groans and blinks slowly, groggily. At first he can't remember where he is or who he's sharing a bed with, but after a few moments it clicks, and he pushes himself up on an elbow, lifting a hand to rub at his eyes and looking down at Ben.]

Ahhh, shiiit.

[It's soft, a little whimpery, because it's obvious Ben is having a nightmare. His breath is high and thin and reedy and full of terror, but his eyes are still closed even though his body is tense. Ben is freezing in his sleep, instead of fighting or fleeing, and Klaus' stomach does a heavy flop. Leaning down, he shakes Ben's shoulder lightly.]

Hey, hey Ben, come on man, wake up. You're okay, come on. Okay okay okay...come on man, wake up.

[His hands are gentle and careful because he doesn't want to startle Ben awake, doesn't want him to jerk out of a nightmare and feel threatened and afraid and disoriented and open the portal by accident.]

Ben, come on...it's okay, you're safe, just wake up, I got you man...

[Voice pitched careful and soft, he keeps talking in as reassuring a voice as possible until Ben wakes up.]

[benhargreeves]

[ Ben doesn't ease out of sleep; one second he is in the nightmare with terror reaching breaking point, and the next he is in a different darkness, and something is touching him. For a moment, in his confused state, Ben thinks it is that same tentacle that brushed against his arm, moving further up, to coil around his neck. He flinches away with a terrified sound, involuntary and entirely too much like an animal startled by sudden pain.

But there is no pain, no wrench, and the darkness here isn't complete. He hears sounds, and it takes a moment for his brain to sort them into words, and then, words he knows, and then, words he knows in Klaus's voice. That is the final puzzle piece that tells Ben he is not on the other side of the portal, not in that cave. Klaus is here and Ben is in his bed and they are in a strange place together and Ben is alive. That is his heart thudding away, his body flooded with adrenaline, covered in sweat, aching from tension.

He covers his face with both hands and sucks in a sharp, shuddering breath. The relief that he is here, and not there, is so profound that he is having a hard time not bursting into tears. The Anchor might be a strange, unknown compound that they were pulled into against their will and are trapped in because of radiation and other assorted dangers, but right now, it feels like the safest, gentlest, best place in the universe. ]

Klaus?

[ His voice is tiny, and Ben reaches out in the darkness, fumbling towards his brother, to feel that he is there and make sure this is real, that he's solid and alive and safe. Here, not there. Now, not any other time. ]

[substances]

"Really? You think you could do a computer lock or whatever? I dunno where the actual seeds are..."

Pushing a hand back through his hair, he looks around vaguely, and then back at Cole, "Oh. I mean, there's all kinds of equipment here so it's probably not that hard. The only computer I know of is like...an android. Who was my mom."

[killedwithlove]

"I don't know. I've never tried." He has absolutely no idea if he could do it. But he could always try.

"An-droid?" Even being able to read minds, Cole can't make sense of the word, of the context. Mom is Grace, and she is, she's Grace almost like he's Compassion, but not. "She's an... electrical golem? Where did her soul come from?"

[substances]

[Ben comes back to awareness all in a rush, and flinches away from Klaus' touch. This is familiar territory, and Klaus pulls his hand back, waits a few moments while Ben gets his brain sorted out, readjusts to where he is and who he's with. Ben covers his face and breathes heavily and deeply, that fear breathing Klaus knows so well, both from his own nightmares and from seeing Ben do the same thing when they were kids.

The minute Ben says his name, Klaus rests his hand back against his brother's shoulder, and then moves it to his chest, pressing it over where his heart is, under the ribcage. Ben is reaching for him, then, and Klaus shifts, flops down on his back and pulls Ben against him, rubbing his back and making soft, groggy noises of comfort, pressing his face into Ben's hair.]

It's okay Ben. It's just me. You're safe, okay? I'm here with you, and Diego is here too. We're together again, and we're gonna watch each others' backs.

[Gently, he squeezes around Ben's shoulders, exhales into his hair and makes a little hum of exhaustion and satisfaction.]

Man, I'm so glad you're here.

[benhargreeves]

[ Ben thinks he knows the subject Diego is skirting around; their brother Klaus, and his self-destructiveness and occasional desire to not be alive. Ben is glad not to delve into that; he has seen more near-misses and low low days than Diego can probably imagine.

There is some comfort, though, in knowing Diego doesn't think of himself like that. His recklessness - fighting crime at night, throwing himself into danger - could conceivably come from a similar mentality. But if it doesn't... well, that is good. ]

Uh-uh. [ It's only a moment before Ben is shaking his head, denying Diego's words. He doesn't believe it for a moment. ] I don't buy that. Seriously, Diego. How humdrum is your life, lately?

[ Ben holds out a hand, ticking off fingers for each item on a list: ] Dad dies. Five shows up again after all these years. Psychos attack the house and kidnap Klaus. They kill your ex. We all find out the world is gonna end. It turns out Vanya had powers all this time. Pogo and Mom are gone, and we totally blow it and don't stop the apocalypse. Then you get teleported to spooky parallel dimension North Carolina, and then teleported to spooky parallel wherever the hell we are now. I'm struggling to find the mundane in there. I think-

[ He hesitates a moment. This is the sort of pushback that he would give Klaus, if he thought he was talking bullshit, avoiding an issue, etc. But Diego is not Klaus. They're different people who respond in different ways. Ben's not sure it's the right choice. He just can't think of any better ones.

Ben gives a small shrug, looking over to his brother, face full of determination and concern in equal measure. ]

I think maybe... the thing that's got you not sleeping at night... is that life been the opposite of mundane lately. Right?

[benhargreeves]

[ Klaus has practice with grounding Ben after a nightmare, and he clearly still remembers what works. Telling him he's safe, not asking questions or showing distress or concern. Just providing a reassuring steady stream of sound and touch as Ben's body slowly realizes he isn't in mortal danger. Nonetheless, even if logically he knows he is safe now, it takes a while for the physical effects to subside. As far as he'd been concerned in the dream, he had been seconds away from being dismembered. Panic like that has an extended half life. He's shaking so badly it is almost like shivering by the time he can speak, choking out: ]

It was the same. The same dream... the same place I used to have those nightmares about. God, I'd forgotten-

[ All his gentle joking when Klaus talked in his sleep, all the times he'd lovingly bullied him to get more rest... Ben hadn't meant to, but he'd let all those years of being dead dull his memories of just how wretched it could be, to be alive, and full of fear. He should have known better. Been more patient. Taken it more seriously.

He sucks in a breath that is half sob, exhausted, head aching. Had the dreams always been this vivid? Now, again, he is terrified that if he falls back to sleep, he will be there again. The old fear - that it is not just a dream, but something real, a vision, that he could really be in danger - rears its head again.

At least Klaus is here, bony elbowed and too warm and infuriating and unquestionably the best thing in Ben's life. Ben turns, hides his face half in the pillow and half against Klaus's shoulder. If only hiding were a permanent solution. But it is nice, even if it can't last more than a few moments. ]

[deadlycurves]

[It's not like Diego was unaware of the tumultuous, insane mess his life has been for the last couple months. But there is knowing something, or a lot of somethings, an entire life-story-chapter's worth of things... And then there is hearing it all itemized and listed out, like a goddamn itinerary. Every single point Ben makes is like another twist of a knife between his ribs. One thing after another after another, over and over and over, in a never-ending cascade of things that just keep happening. Hargreeves never really have been the sorts that catch breaks often, have they? He sits quietly as Ben makes his way through his list. Tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek. He hates that he's right. He hates more that they both know he's right. He tenses the most obviously and visibly at the mention of Patch, and Mom. The silence draws for several long minutes when Ben is done. Diego can see his brother giving him that pointed look from the edges of his vision, but his own eyes are focused on his hands in his lap. He doesn't know what to say, or how to say it at all, but Ben's right. It's not one little thing, or even just a couple of things. It's so much and it's all at once and it's a never-ending pile on. Who could sleep with that much on their minds? But there is one thing in that giant list of his that sticks out more than the rest. Is more immediate and in his face than all of the rest of it. He licks his lips and bites the lower one for a moment before finally, quietly, admitting: ] She's here, Ben... Patch is here and I don't know how to look at her and not see her, dead on that motel room floor. [Finally, he looks up.] I talked to her... but not like... really talk, just... bullshit. And she was following one of the weird ghost things? Trying to find something out from her, I just followed her but... [He pauses as something occurs to him, shaking his head a little.] God, I'm sorry, Ben, I shouldn't... [He presses his palms against eyes. Was it even fair to push this conversation on Ben? When he was newly-alive again, too.]

[benhargreeves]

[ He doesn't take any joy in it, seeing the pain in the hunch of his brother's shoulders, how tired and tense he looks. But all of that had happened. It is weighing on Diego, even if they don't name it all. And Ben believes there is value in laying it all out, individually. It is like Diego has been punched over and over, in exactly the same place, so it seems to a casual observer that there is only one bruise. But it is twelve bruises, all on top of one another, bleeding into one another. Not one injury, but many, stacked up, relentlessly.

And finally, Diego starts talking about something real. It's progress, as he admits to how he can't bear to be around Patch now, and that his attempts to connect with her have been difficult. But then he's stopping himself, censoring and backpedaling. ]

- Diego.

[ Ben had always been careful not to interrupt Diego, back when he was still alive. He doesn't intend to make it a habit now, either, but he does it this once, purposefully. ]

Trust me. You should.

[ He puts all the conviction he can into it. He won't let Diego use his supposed fragility as an excuse. Ben waits to meet his brother's eyes, and there is no distress, no anxiety or worry in his expression stirred up by talking about death.

And there is precedent for this, too. That sometimes, the best thing Ben could offer to Diego was his calm. His ability to absorb all that chaos and not get worked up, himself. Quietly, Ben encourages: ]

Talk to me.

[redwinekindofgirl]

She waits outside, and she doesn't see the way he stows a couple of the pills away before he comes out again. Doesn't see it, but wouldn't be surprised to know it. It's the kind of thing she would have pulled too.

And it would have been easy enough to spy on him. Easy enough to slip around the door where he wouldn't have noticed and perhaps it's something she should have done (and in hindsight, down the line, may wish she had done) given Klaus' slightly shaky grasp on the entire situation.

When he comes back out again she smiles at him, and that smile widens as he holds up the bottle. She holds her hand out, but doesn't try to take it from him.

"I'll just keep them for you, yeah?"

[substances]

"Well...if you think you can do it without breaking the computer..." Klaus trails off, and gestures at the terminal vaguely, brows raising.

When Cole looks confused about an android and asks if she's an electrical golem, where her soul came from, Klaus shrugs.

"I don't think she was a golem. Dad built her, I have no idea how she worked. All of her responses were programmed in, I think?"

A pause, and he offers a half-hearted smile, "I think she grew her own soul, from taking care of us."

[substances]

[It's almost like an instinct, how to take care of Ben after a nightmare, doing it is like riding a bike, and even after years of not having to do it, Klaus still knows how. As Klaus drags Ben toward himself and holds him, Ben trembles in his arms, speaks in a choked voice about how it was the same dream he'd had as a kid, over and over again.

Klaus remembers those dreams, remembers night after night of holding his brother just like this as he cried and trembled and fought going back to sleep, terrified. Remembers all the nights that Ben had done the same for him, and when Ben hides his face against Klaus' shoulder, he turns a little so he can put an arm over Ben and rub his back more, presses his face into Ben's hair and exhales into it to add another layer of contact, of warmth, of reminder that he's alive and okay. That he's safe.]

Nightmares suck. Believe me, I know. It's all fake though, that's not...you're not there.

[Not for the first time, Klaus wishes that he knew more about how Ben's powers work, that he knew enough to say something logical and comforting about how he doesn't have to be afraid, but Klaus doesn't know enough to make that kind of statement. So he just keeps rubbing Ben's back and breathing into his hair.]

I'm here, Ben. I've got your back and... [His voice drops down to barely above a whisper, a little hesitant.] I love you. You're not alone.

[benhargreeves]

I thought- I was gonna- die- again.

[ It clearly takes a lot of effort for Ben to get the words out, and he takes the time he needs to say each one, even though his voice is so wrecked with emotion that he's only just comprehensible. Ben had forgotten what it felt like to cry, as a living person. The way his head pounded, how hot the tears were, the choking awful way it crept up on him. He cries almost completely silently - he'd learned that, growing up, and now he wouldn't know any other way. Ben tries to force it down, but the physicality of it, and his overwhelming exhaustion, and Klaus's soft-voiced kindness, are all too much.

It doesn't last long, but for a couple of awful minutes his back shudders with sobs and he keeps his face hidden, ashamed at his own weakness and lack of self-control. Somehow, Klaus's gentleness only intensifies that feeling. When he says he loves Ben, Ben pulls away from him, sitting up cross-legged on the bed and wiping at his face with the sleeves of his hoodie. His tears have stopped, now, but his breathing is still shivery, interrupted by occasional hiccups. Even in the dim light of the room, the redness around his eyes and nose is visible.

He had pulled away not only to recoil from the comfort (though there is a little of that, because being loved hurts) but because he wanted to look at Klaus when he responds. His voice is hoarse from the tears, but there is no longer that bursting pressure behind it. ]

I love you, too. [ Another swipe at his cheek, and then Ben says softly: ] Quit being so- so patient with me. When I've just- all I've been is angry and impatient and judgmental with you for - I don't even know. For so long.

[ It is complicated, and the both of them know that. Their relationship is full of love, but resentment and jealousy and bitterness and regret are marbled through that love. Klaus really could be selfish, unreliable, self-destructive, a genuine piece of shit. But Ben could be judgmental and envious and cold, too. And he's only just now realizing that being dead so long had perhaps made him colder than he realized.

Perhaps, too, there is a part of Ben that struggles with believing he is worthy of any kind of comfort, or reassurance, or kindness. He doesn't deserve that. ]

[killedwithlove]

Cole pauses, because this is more interesting than locks. "Grew her soul... a spark, kindled with love given to it and reflected back, yes, that's how spirits are born, from sparks and stray thoughts and grow with what they have." Cole smiles, it's a rare thing, but it does something nice for his face. "She is Love."

[substances]

[While Ben tries to speak to him, Klaus keeps quiet, just watching his brother as he struggles to get the words out, to explain that he felt like he was going to die again, as Ben cries and shakes and doesn't make any sound while he does it. Remembers all the times when they'd been kids when Ben had silently cried, hiding in some corner of the sprawling Academy, and Klaus had found him and sat with him. All the times Ben had sat in the tub and tried to wash up, but had been shaking so hard that Klaus had crept in and silently started to help him clean the blood off with a cloth, never saying anything while he helped clean him up. It was one of the few situations during their childhoods where Klaus had ever shut up, honestly, and it had always worked for them. After all, Klaus and Ben have been able to communicate well non-verbally.

So he's quiet again now, just keeps his hand on Ben and rubs his back and makes wordless little noises of comfort, but then Ben is pulling away from him, and he lets go, shifting to give Ben some space. For a few moments, he's anxious because he'd been vulnerable and suddenly he's not sure if Ben is going to reciprocate. But he does, and Klaus sighs as Ben wipes at his face.]

Hey, hey hey hey... [His voice comes out soft and he shakes his head.] Ben, you...I deserved it. It's not like you had a body to stop me from doing stupid shit, but you kept...you didn't give up on me Ben. You're the only one...Diego's been trying, had been trying for the few days before we left, but you've always been there.

[Lifting a hand, he scrubs it over his face and sighs.]

Let me be there for you? What can I do? If...if this bothers you, what can I do?

[benhargreeves]

Bothers isn't the word I'd use.

[ Ben sighs, then, head hanging. It is so difficult, to be loved. He knows that Klaus loves him - he'd never questioned that - but for so many years, there had only been certain ways for Klaus to show that. And the numbness he'd felt as a ghost had kept it from cutting too deep. Now, there is no barrier, and Ben is recalling all over again that restless, happy, uneasy, frightened feeling of receiving love.

Maybe, he tells himself. Maybe if he just tries to practice, it will get a little easier.

So he lays down again, not quite as near to Klaus, but with his wrist deliberately across one of Klaus's, a point of contact, to show that he is okay with proximity. Closing his eyes, yawning, Ben says: ]

I wouldn't have, you know? Even if I hadn't died. I wouldn't have ever given up on you...

[ It's not something he can prove, of course. The truth is Ben has no idea what all their lives would have been like if he survived. Maybe Klaus would have never gotten so far down the rabbit hole of addiction. Maybe Ben would have ended up growing into an asshole like Luther, still so desperate for their father's approval. But he wants to believe his words are true. And he wants Klaus to know that nothing about his loyalty to Klaus has changed now that he's alive again.

Another yawn creeps up on him, and Ben shuts his eyes after, humming a small noise. The adrenaline is sinking away, leaving exhaustion in its wake. He had gotten so little sleep before that nightmare, and his limbs feel heavy as lead. He doesn't want to dream again, to lose awareness, but it just feels nice, to keep his eyes closed for just a few moments. ]

[deadlycurves]

[Everything feels like so much, suddenly. An overwhelming crash of waves threatening to sink him if he would just let it. Except Diego Hargreeves has never been the type to simply give up, give in, let someone else call his shots. And he wasn't about to start allowing something as intangible as his own fucking emotions to do it, either. But Ben insists that he should. Keep talking. Talk to him. And there's something so wildly, and distantly, familiar about it. This is exactly the sort of thing he did with Diego years ago. Something that Diego hadn't realized, until now, that he'd missed. Ben had always been someone he could just talk to, no fear of judgement or mockery, no matter what he wanted to talk about or how long it took him to get through the words to get there. Another long silence draws between them for a moment as he tries to sort it out in his head. Which parts of all of this he really needed to get out of his head. When he finally speaks again, his words are quiet, not much more than a whisper.] She listened to me... the one time she finally listened to me, and she got killed. [He can't put the rest of it in words, but the implication hangs heavy in the air between them: He feels guilty about it; like it's his fault. If he hadn't pressed, if he hadn't goaded her, if he just let her cling to her rulebook and quit fucking with her about it, maybe she would still be alive. But maybe Klaus wouldn't be. And that wasn't any better.]

[benhargreeves]

[ Ben isn't sure at first whether or not Diego will open up. It has been a long time, after all. A long time, and Diego has changed, and he might not be interested in confiding in Ben again. Or even if he is, he might not be ready to talk all this out just yet. It's all so raw - even for Diego, who had had a little more buffer time than Ben himself.

Still, he waits, without impatience. When Diego does speak, Ben can infer all the emotion underneath. Everything Diego is trying to be tough and not to show. His ears pick up on all those implications - the guilt coating every inch of the grief until the two were so intermingled it was impossible to separate them. Without harshness, Ben asks, simply: ]

What did you tell her?

[ Ben isn't the sort to blindly reassure Diego that what had happened to Patch had not been his fault. He loves Diego. He has no doubt whatsoever that Diego had not wanted any harm to come to Patch, and that he had loved her. But that doesn't mean Diego hadn't been a catalyst. So he doesn't insult Diego by leaping in with hollow comfort and baseless absolution. That's not the sort of help that Ben offers.

Then, because he realizes Diego might not know, he adds: ]

I was there at the motel, with Klaus. I don't... know if he's talked to you about it at all, but if you've got any questions... I was there, so.

[ He sets the offer down, letting Diego take him up on it or ignore it, as he likes. ]

[deadlycurves]

I told her to try it my way, for once. [A hollow, sad echo of a smile pulls at one corner of his mouth and he shakes his head.] I was always trying to get her to throw the rulebook out. She never did. She never did, until that night and... [He trails off, staring down at his fingers in his lap, twisting them together idly. He hates this. He hates feeling this open and raw. He's quiet for a long moment, not sure where to start on the rest of that. So, he finally just settles on: ] How bad was it?

[benhargreeves]

[ Ben takes his time, considers. He's a little sad that he hadn't gotten to really be a part of Diego's life back then. To tease him about trying to lead a good cop astray. To maybe matchmake and meddle a little, in a benevolent brotherly way.

Instead he had gotten to be a part of this bit. The ending. Ben thinks through as much of it as he knows, what he'd seen, what he'd pieced together from other conversations since. Then, thoughtfully: ]

I'm not sure she did, though.

[ Ben looks over to Diego. The words have weight, because Ben wouldn't lie, if he thought Diego had contributed. He would not try to be cruel about it, but he would see it as the loving thing to do to be honest and hold Diego accountable as much as he needed to be. ]

I don't know a lot about the rulebook, but it wasn't like she was being reckless. Maybe that was what got her to the motel in the first place, but that just as easily could have happened by chance. I don't think things would've turned out any differently if she'd been there with a partner, on official business hours, or any of that. She was just - nearby, and Klaus got her attention, and she's a cop, right? Cops are trained to intervene, if they're walking by and hear someone's being held captive and tortured and stuff. That's her job. That's her doing it her way.

[ It's hard, to know where to start answering Diego's question. Ben had made the offer, and he meant it, but that doesn't make this easy. Ben pulls his knees in against his chest, and lays his cheek against his arm, turning away from Diego slightly. ]

Which part?

[ There is just the barest hint of bitterness in that question. Not directed at Diego - not exclusively anyway. It's just unfair. How many horrible things had happened all at once. The fact that Ben has to ask which awful thing Diego is referring to... well, what does that say about the kind of day it had been.

Ben closes his eyes. All at once he feels so tired. ]

All of it was very, very bad.

[ But that isn't enough of a warning, and he knows it. So he adds, gravely: ]

I can tell you more, but you should be sure you want to hear it, first.

[deadlycurves]

[He frowns a little, listening to Ben explain his view of the situation. He isn't wrong, really. She is trained to respond. To act when she can, in the best interest of an innocent person. She would have done it, if she'd been there and found Klaus, whether he'd said anything at all. Doesn't dissolve the guilt he feels for it, though, because there is that factor in the mix still, too. She might have waited if he just hadn't...

He lets out a slow, shaky breath.] Yeah... I guess. Maybe.

[He frowns a little at the question, and notices that shift in Ben and his demeanor. He wonders how much awful Ben has witnessed, just for the sake of being stuck to Klaus for the last nearly two decades, and the kind of circles he ran in, people he was around, god-knows-what kind of trouble he really got into.

But this isn't about all those things, it's smaller, specific and Diego hesitates before he answers.]

What did they do to him? ...How close were we, really, to losing another brother?

[benhargreeves]

[ 'Maybe' is a start, at least. Ben knows that Diego does this - he takes it all on his shoulders, makes burdens for himself out of things that others would see as not their problem. Diego couldn't let people get hurt by robbers and murderers; he saw that as his responsibility, his job, to make it right. So it's not a big surprise he is acting this way about Patch's death, too. And Ben is comfortable now that he has said his bit. The rest is really between Patch and Diego. It isn't his place to intrude.

Diego doesn't say that he is sure he wants to know more, but Ben takes his further questions as a 'yes'. He sighs, silent for several moments as he considers where to begin. How to put any of it in words that will actually convey some part of the reality of it. ]

Too close.

[ That, at least, is objective and irrefutable. Without Patch, Ben is fairly certain Klaus would have died. After everything else he'd survived... that would have been it. Ben keeps his eyes closed; it's easier to talk that way. There's no risk of catching a glimpse of Diego's expression. The words come slowly, with long pauses between each sentence. ]

They beat him. Waterboarded him. Choked him. Cut him. Beat him more. Left him alone in the dark.

[ Ben's mind drifts to the one tactic that had worked. The drugs. He remembers Klaus breaking, telling them what he knew. The way he'd cried, humiliated at his own weakness. It had been so ugly, all of it. Ben isn't going to tell Diego that part. Talking about the rest, he's sure Klaus wouldn't mind. But mentioning that would be betraying his trust. Ben isn't going to do that. ]

You get the idea. He just kept laughing in their faces and not telling them shit, so they got creative, but it didn't do any good. Klaus is a lot stronger than you all give him credit for.

[ And yes, he is lumping Diego in with Luther and Allison and Vanya and Five and Pogo and the rest of them, all of them underestimating Klaus, when Ben is pretty sure none of the rest of them would have held up under torture half as well. Except Five, maybe.

He opens his eyes finally, looking over at Diego through the dim light, his dark eyes shuttered and unreadable. ]

[deadlycurves]

["Too close." For all that he really kind of expected an answer like that, he still feels something in his chest sink at the confirmation of it. The descriptions Ben gives don't make it any better. Reginald had ensured they could stand whatever they may come up against, really. His experiments and trainings were brutal in their own ways, and maybe because of that, it shouldn't be surprising that Klaus could survive that kind of viciousness. But he is. Surprised. And nearly instantly feels a bitterness at his own thought of it all together because it only proves Ben's point even further. How did they get here? So full of doubt in each other, from where they used to be, pieces of a well-oiled machine working perfectly in tandem together. He isn't sure, but he's certain he hates it.] Jesus... [For a moment, it's the only, quiet mumbled thing he can manage at all. There are a thousand knee-jerk responses to that remark, that all of you and generalized grouping commentary. Things about how Klaus stopped showing them anything but weakness years ago, but he bites his tongue. Hard enough he can taste the blood in his mouth. He's spent two months trying to figure out how to be a better brother. He hasn't exactly made much progress or actually figured any of it out yet, but... he knows letting his mouth run itself without at least trying to curb the acerbic things that fly from it without thought is not the way to do it.] How many times were you stuck in situations like that with him through the years, Ben? [A frozen witness to all the varying levels of awful things that a life like the one Klaus has led might hold. Diego's not sure he wants the answer to that question, not really, and there's enough caution coating it, it might be obvious enough.]