[open-ish] hard to be soft, tough to be tender

[scowlish]

Who: Onni Hotakainen and whoever
What: a catch-all
When: Oct-Nov
Where: Wherever!

A catch-all for various random Onni interactions through October and November. Shoot me a message if you want to plot something.

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[braidmage]

[ He could have sent Onni a message to warn him. Some kind of heads-up. But honestly? It's been a crazy day and Reynir has had enough on his hands just finding everything he'll need to take care of the newborn lamb that had shown up in this place.

So at the end of that day, when Onni comes back to their apartment, it is going to be to the sight and sound of Reynir, cradling a tiny lamb wrapped in a thick blanket in his arms, feeding it from a bottle clearly meant for human babies. His hair is even messier than usual and he is rubbing his cheek against the fuzzy crown of the lamb's little head.

When Onni appears, Reynir looks up at him like that, smiling softly. ]

Hey.

[scowlish]

[Onni has spent most of the day reading and researching, and his brain is tired along with the rest of him. But he's brought some food home from the kitchen for himself and Reynir, left something there for Lalli to eat, and he's more than ready to sit down and relax for the evening.

Nudging the door open with his elbow, he slips into the apartment, his head down a little as he makes sure not to spill the food he's carrying. He hears it and smells it before he sees it, the sound of Reynir in the common area of the apartment, the scent and sound of animal. When he lifts his head, though, he sees Reynir sitting on the couch holding a tiny bundle of animal and blanket, holding a bottle, his hair a mess of flyaways and frizz, and he smiles at Onni in a soft, tired sort of way.

It takes a few moments for Onni to register that Reynir is holding a lamb, one that can't be more than a day or two old. Once it sinks in, he blinks twice and then turns to put the food on the table before moving closer, leaning over to look at the tiny creature.]

Hey. You have a lamb.

[braidmage]

Seems that way, huh?

[ Reynir adjusts the way he is sitting, to make the lamb a little more visible, a little more accessible if Onni decided it wanted to reach out and touch it. The little thing is greedily and a bit messily drinking from the bottle, and Reynir laughs softly as he wipes some of the milk from the corner of the lamb's mouth where he dribbled onto his own wool. ]

He just showed up here. A girl found him - the collar's from my parents' farm. I recognized it right away. I think I might even know which ewe is his mother...

[ The animal in question had been pregnant when Reynir left home in search of Onni. The timing works out. ]

Kisa gave him a bath from head to tail the moment I put him down, so there's no way he's infected.

[scowlish]

Mhm.

[Onni takes the last couple of steps closer to get a better look at the lamb as Reynir adjusts so he can see better. It's tiny and covered in a fine curly layer of fluff, drinking eagerly from a bottle that's obviously too small for it. Reynir is like a fussy mother, laughing as he wipes at the lamb's mouth as it drinks messily, before glancing up at him while he explains where the baby came from.]

So it came from your farm, from home? I didn't think this place would bring animals...

[Raising his brows slightly, he makes a noise in his throat and comes over to sit down next to Reynir, reaching out cautiously to scrape his short nails against the soft fluff behind the tiny creature's ears. Making a soft hum of acknowledgement in his throat at the comment about Kisa, he keeps petting at the little creature's head as it drinks.]

It's so small.

[braidmage]

I didn't, either. But here he is.

[ Reynir can't help wondering if he had somehow contributed to this happening. Recently, he had missed home once or twice, just for a fleeting moment. Had missed the sheep, mostly - tending to them and their familiar sounds and smell and ways. And then just a little while later - boom. A lamb. ]

He is. He's brand new.

[ Reynir isn't just talking about to this place, but to the world. He shifts his weight, hugging the small thing a little tighter to his chest unconsciously. Because this little lamb was only just born and already he has been taken away from his mother, from the safety and protection of Iceland, to this place. Reynir sure as hell isn't going to let him be hungry or cold because of that; not if he can help it.

The lamb seems to like Onni scritching his head, but is too involved in drinking to pay too much attention. After a moment, Reynir offers: ]

Do you want to try holding him? Or feeding him?

[ He glances up, a flash of green eyes and a soft smile. ]

[scowlish]

[While Reynir agrees and explains how small and brand new the lamb is, Onni keeps stroking its head and ears, brows a little furrowed. Onni has been on farms, but mostly only helping out with the harvest, and he'd never had much to do with the sheep and other animals. Particularly not the new ones like this, that had been left to people with more experience.

It's obvious Reynir knows what he's doing, though, holding the bottle in place and cradling the tiny creature against his chest with a kind of comfortable familiarity that only comes from practice. When Reynir lifts his head and smiles at him, asks if he wants to try to hold him or feed him, Onni blinks.]

I should. Then I can do it if you're busy.

[It seems logical enough, to Onni, though he has a moment of misgiving about whether he'll be able to handle something as small and fragile as the lamb, is a little worried he'll hurt it or make it sick somehow. But he nods, glancing up at Reynir for a moment.]

Should I...move closer?

[braidmage]

Nahhh.

[ Reynir is entirely blasé about this; for him, it's hard to imagine Onni being nervous or uncertain, any more than he could imagine someone being nervous or uncertain about tying a knot or whistling or any of the other half-unconscious things one learns to do as a young child. He pulls the bottle away and without preamble or warning, thrusts the lamb out and against Onni's chest, waiting for his arms to come up and support it.

Once he sees the way Onni does it, though, a little frown of confusion comes over his face. He quickly says: ]

No, like this.

[ And with a few quick movements he rearranges Onni's arms, and presses them more tightly against the small, warm body of the animal. ]

They like being held tightly. You're not going to break him. He might be tiny, but he's a lot sturdier than a human baby would be. He can already walk. Not really well or really fast, but he can do it, and he can't have been born more than a day or two ago. So don't worry you're going to crush him or anything. If you do something he doesn't like, he'll let you know, nice and loud.

[ As if on cue, the lamb bleats, and it is loud but not pained or distressed so much as a little uncertain. Now it is Reynir who is soothing the little thing, smoothing his hands over his floppy ears, rubbing his face just above his small nose. ]

It'll be good if we both handle him as much as we can for the next few days, so he knows he can trust us. And because he must be missing his mama and awful lot.

[ Reynir rubs at the lamb's soft soft ear, making a sympathetic face, as if the animal could even tell. ]

I'm keeping him in my bed tonight. Kisa might get jealous and come bother you, who knows.

[scowlish]

[When Reynir simply pulls the bottle out of the lamb's mouth and simply pushes the lamb against Onni's chest. Instinctively, he lifts his arms to support it, hooking one arm under its rear end while the other wraps around the lamb's body. The little creature squirms in his arms and Reynir is looking at him with his face the picture of confusion before he reaches over and adjusts his arms until he's holding it correctly, pressing them in and assuring him that the lamb is sturdy and likes being held tightly.

Biting at the inside of his lower lip, Onni squeezes a bit tighter, suddenly all too aware of his own size and strength, feeling awkward and like he doesn't quite know where his arms should be. And right as he's feeling the worst of it, the lamb bleats loudly, a pathetic little confused cry that makes him jump just slightly, worry and anxiety twisting up in his gut until Reynir starts soothing the lamb with his hands, over the ears and face and the little nose until it settles.]

Did I hurt it?

[His brows are a bit furrowed, but he carefully maneuvers the lamb a little closer against his body for warmth and finds a way to bring his hand up so he can caress the sheep's face and ears, trying to comfort it. Reynir says it's best that they both handle him so he knows he can trust them, and Onni looks down at it, his brows raised, a little incredulous. He's about to protest when Reynir says that he must be missing his mama a lot, and Onni's hand goes still for a moment.]

You're right, he must be.

[Softly, Onni hums under his breath, a quiet aimless tune that seems to settle the little creature down a bit, until it's resting against his chest and he feels more comfortable holding it. After a moment or two of settling like that, certain he looks just as awkward as he feels, he glances up at Reynir again.]

Kisa is welcome to come to my room whenever she likes.

[A pause, and then, a little tentatively - possibly more tentatively than Reynir has ever heard him speak, he goes on.]

Would it help with trust if I fed him, do you think?

[braidmage]

[ Reynir is rapidly discovering how much of his own knowledge he had taken for granted; he sees Onni's hesitancy and anxiety in handling the little lamb. Reynir simply knows how it wants to be held, and which sounds are cause for worry and which are merely the small thing expressing itself. ]

No, no, you didn't hurt him, it's okay. He's just fussy, and chatty. If he's hurting the sound he'll make will be a lot more urgent - just trust me. You'll know the difference.

[ Onni has the instincts for this, Reynir is sure. He's seen him interact with Kisa and while the two of them aren't as close, Onni clearly knows when she doesn't want to be touched or when she is angry. He can see those signs and body language. He just needs to trust himself. It's... strange, and endearing, seeing Onni so frightened. Over such a little thing! Reynir doesn't know why it's cute. It just is. ]

He likes that.

[ It's maybe not the tune itself, so much as the way it forces Onni to relax, or the vibrations from his humming, that make the lamb settle down. But it does the job, and Reynir sees the difference. When Onni asks in that sweet, hesitant voice whether feeding him will help them bond, Reynir beams at him. ]

It absolutely will.

[ And Reynir picks up the bottle and sets it into Onni's hand so he doesn't have to readjust his arms and reach for it. The moment Onni gets the bottle near to the lamb he latches on, sucking away eagerly, and Reynir's eyes are bright. ]

See? You're his favorite person now.

[scowlish]

[The truth is, Onni has never worked much with animals. He'd helped with the harvest, of course, but that's far from lambing season on the agricultural island he'd visited, and even then he'd been an adolescent boy far more interested in learning to drive the big tractors than he had been in helping with the animal care. So there is something of a learning curve to this. When Reynir says he hadn't hurt the lamb, he exhales a relieved sigh, and his body relaxes a bit, which serves to set the lamb more at ease, so it stops the pathetic bleating and settles in against his chest.

It hasn't occurred to him that his understanding of Kisa's body language might extend to a sheep - he's been around cats his whole life, but never really considered sheep to have personalities in the same way. It seems that a lot of his own experience is failing him. Still, when Reynir says that the lamb likes his humming, Onni keeps doing it, finding enough balance with the small creature now that it's still to free up a hand and let it sniff at his skin, then stroke the lamb's little head.]

Alright. I think I've got the hang of it...

[He takes the bottle from Reynir and turns it upside down, watches a bead of milk collect at the tip of the rubber nipple, and then brings it close to the lamb's face, expecting to have to guide him. But he doesn't have to, the lamb is eager and obviously knows what it's doing. Sitting like this, it's easy to tell that the bottle is too small for him, that he's hungrier than the amount of liquid the bottle will hold, and that the rubber tip fits strangely in the lamb's mouth.]

Maybe. I think he still likes you more.

[For a few moments he's still, just watching the lamb drink, his expression a little soft, brows just slightly furrowed.]

The bottle is too small for him, isn't it?

[braidmage]

You've definitely got the hang of it.

[ Reynir smiles softly, watching Onni getting the hang of giving the lamb the bottle, holding it steady even when the lamb tugs at it or butts into Onni's hand, surprisingly vigorous and intent on feeding. He is seeing it through new eyes, imagining how all this must be to Onni - the greediness of baby lambs and their intensity when nursing. ]

It is too small. It was the best I could find.

[ He reaches over, stroking the lamb's soft, warm belly as it drinks. The lamb seems indifferent to the touch, all its attention and energy focused on the bottle. Reynir glances up at Onni then and sees that soft look on his face, protective and curious and confused all at once. ]

He can make do. He's a strong one. I can already tell that.

[ A small pause, then Reynir says, as if he's only just having the thought in that instant: ]

Let's name him Anne. For that pastor lady. She turned into a lamb, when she was going away to her afterlife. All those lost ghosts did. I think - I think that would be nice.

[scowlish]

[Reynir says he's definitely got the hang of it, and Onni feels like he does. It feels a little more natural to hold the lamb now, supporting his weight, holding him safe against his chest with a firm grip, still wrapped in his blanket. The little creature is small and vulnerable and demanding, pulling at the bottle and pushing his little forehead against Onni's wrist.

It's cute. There's no denying that - the little creature is cute, with its soft wool and little round face and high-pitched bleats, its demanding feeding, so persistent and greedy. He can see a little bit of this lamb in Reynir, gangly and persistent and soft, wonders if Reynir is like that because of growing up around lambs like this, or if it's just that his personality happens to mesh well with the lambs and that's why he likes them.]

He is. But still, I'll go looking and see if I can find anything better. Tomorrow.

[There has to be something in the livestock area. Surely this can't be the only baby animal that had ever been left without its mother in this place, while people were here to feed them. Reynir's search had probably been rushed by the presence of the lamb, and maybe something a little slower and more methodical might turn up something better.

When Reynir suggests naming the lamb Anne for that pastor, Onni lifts his head and looks at the younger man. His brows raise when he hears that she'd turned into a lamb along with all the lost ghosts when they'd gone on to the afterlife. He hadn't known that, hadn't known, really, how things had gone with that pastor. Reynir had talked to him about it when he was afraid, and then Onni had been so angry at him after he lied about Tuuri being sick that he hadn't exactly followed up about the woman in the church.]

So you did set her free. I think, in that case, it's a good name for him.

[braidmage]

Good plan.

[ And this is how Reynir knows that even if he has less experience, Onni will be just fine with the tiny animal. Because without even being asked, he is volunteering to spend his time on such a task. Because selflessness is embedded in him by this point.

He watches Onni cradling and feeding the lamb, feeling happier than he can remember being for a little while, now. Was it just because of having something from home returned to him? But no. He'd been delighted to see little Anne, to carry her around and feed her, but the feeling was not quite this.

Who knows. He doesn't dwell on it long. Reynir isn't a dweller. ]

I forgot you didn't know the end of that story.

[ They hadn't really been talking, then. Tuuri had just died and everything was awful and Reynir knew that Onni didn't want him around. He'd made that extremely clear.

But he thinks that now, Onni might like to know. So, as Onni continues to feed the lamb, he explains in a soft voice: ]

She set herself free. And the rest of them. I just found the ancient temple, kept Sigrun and Mikkel from killing her, and spent the night there so the ghosts would follow.

[ He lists all of that off as if it is completely negligible. Not a big deal, right? ]

Once they arrived, she was the one that got through to them. All of them turned into lambs and flew off into the sky in this... column of light. It was actually... beautiful.

[scowlish]

Mhm.

[It's just a soft acknowledgement of his intention to do as he'd said and try to find a new and better bottle for Anne. When he glances up, Reynir is looking at him intently, watching him feed the lamb, and he looks happy. Of course, Reynir almost always looks more happy than Onni thinks is entirely called for, but this is different. There's some kind of softness in his expression, probably because of the lamb. Onni can't really fault him for that, the lamb is very cute, and even Onni is feeling a bit attached to it as it curls against his chest for warmth and works to finish his bottle.

When Reynir mentions that he'd forgotten Onni didn't know the end of Pastor Anne's story, Onni looks up at him again, eyes locked on his face, and shakes his head as acknowledgement. The younger man seems eager enough to tell him, at least, and Onni helps the lamb to finish his meal while Reynir explains that the pastor had set herself and the other spirits free. That Reynir had stayed in the temple and spent the night there to lure those creatures to her - at that, his brows raise, eyes slightly wide. To Onni, it seems like a lot of effort and risk, though it had apparently worked well.

And when Reynir says that Anne had gotten through to those lost spirits, had helped them turn to lambs and fly into the sky together, surrounded by light, his expression softens a little.]

So she was able to help you after all. I'm glad.

[He glances down when the lamb butts his head against Onni's arm, and he sees that the bottle is empty. When he pulls it away, the little thing doesn't protest, doesn't bleat his displeasure, he just butts his head against Onni's shoulder and then settles down, possibly to sleep. Onni looks down at the little creature, wrapping his other arm around it, holding it securely, expression soft. It's still soft when he looks back up at Reynir.]

It is a beautiful thing, to see souls that tormented find peace and rest.

[braidmage]

Yes. It is.

[ He sees the way Onni adjusts his hold on the lamb, keeping it tucked securely to his chest, warm and close. No great surprise, then, that with a belly full of milk and warm arms holding him fast, Anne falls asleep right away. It must have been an exhausting and terrifying day, after all. But, Reynir thinks, even without the little thing's mother around... they will keep it happy, and safe, and healthy. It's also a beautiful thing, this new life, precious and fresh and full of possibility. ]

I had never seen it, before that, but... I understand a little better, now. Why it's so important for you Finnish mages, to help ghosts pass on.

[ Reynir doesn't know if that will ever be something he can do. He had only led those ghosts to the right place, after all; it was the original Anne who had done the rest. But he at least has a sense now of why Onni had offered earlier to lead Anne to her afterlife. Why he interacts with spirits in the way that he does. ]

[scowlish]

[It's surprising, how quickly the lamb came to trust him, just from a little feeding. Enough that Anne is now asleep in his arms, a limp dead weight. Onni looks down at the little creature, his expression still soft, and he gently scratches against the lamb's jaw, stroking his wool and comforting him in his sleep while the little creature snores softly.

Reynir says that he understands why it's an important task of the Finnish mages to help spirits pass on to the afterlife, and Onni nods, making a noise in his throat.]

It's very rewarding. And even if, as you say, she mostly brought them in on their own, you can't act like you had nothing to do with it. I was there when you went to find her, remember? And I know how much effort you put into finding her. It wouldn't have happened without you.

[When Onni says that, he has his eyes down, looking at the lamb as he sleeps in his arms.]

It's a good thing. I can't imagine them, left to suffer for so long. The Rash does terrible things to the soul.

[It's why he's so relieved that Tuuri had done what she did, that she hadn't let it take her. For a moment, Onni is quiet, and his eyes sink closed while he takes a little breath.]

I'm glad it worked out.