redshiftlogs | november 2019. welcome to the void.

november 2019. welcome to the void.

Who: Everyone in Anchor.
What: Fifth Introductory Mingle
When: The Month of November 2019
Where: Around and outside the city.
Warnings: Please add any warnings in the subject lines.

Redshift: Welcome to the v͖͕̺̲̘̱̜͎o̴̦̣̠̦̘̹͞i̯̖d̛̪̬͈̱̦̝͍̕.

Click here to read what characters will experience when arriving in Anchor.

a. outbreak.

There's a plague in the city.

What was an annoyance before, a bug that seemed to be passing, has erupted into a full-scale biomedical hazard. Onset is slow. It’s a near mystery who is infected and who isn't, who is immune and who isn't. Doors lock themselves seemingly at random to prevent people passing through. Is that person with you one of the sick? How do you know? Would they tell you if they were?

The city will do its best to isolate the ill, once again locking them out of communal areas and trying to force them down toward the MedBay for quarantine. All bots will be temporarily shifted to plague protocols, rounding up and caring for the ill as best they can. (Lucky you, you get your cough syrup with a mixer courtesy of the barbot.) But they might not always get things right, and what healthy person wants to be locked away in a ward full of the violently ill? How do the bots even know which is which?

The ill will slowly find themselves dizzy, lightheaded, with chills and fever. They may cough hard enough to spit blood from irritated throats, or sneeze so long and hard they give themselves bloody noses. The symptoms can vary wildly depending on body chemistry, species, and dozens of other factors, making it difficult to pin down a specific set that indicates a person is infected. All bodily fluids are dangerously infectious. Maybe you want to keep your distance from your friends if you start to feel the onset, to keep them safe. But you also want to keep your freedom, not get trapped in a room full of people who seem to be dying. And anyone who was exposed to the first outbreak will find themselves either completely immune to this new one through early exposure...or far more susceptible, their immune systems doing almost nothing to protect them, with extreme symptom sets that hit them much harder than the average infected.

And through all of this, that voice that cheerfully chirped out helpful hints during the item exchange, that giggled and sang songs in the crashed spaceship in the wasteland can be heard again - but this time it's different. This time, there's very little cheer left, and though the commentary is still sing-song, it's much harsher, more monotone and without much energy. 'Go on, hurry up to the MedBay. No breaking quarantine!' it says, or to those moving through the city with friends, 'You must not like those people much, are you sure you want to get them sick?' In the depths of the worst of it, in the third week of the month, people may start hearing more of those 'helpful' suggestions - 'Maybe it would be better if we just left them out in the wastelands, you know? For the greater good and all...'

Mod Note: An NPC post will be going up next weekend on

redshiftrp to supplement this prompt. Keep an eye out!

b. gone to shit.

With 90% of the city's bots repurposed to serve the ill (the matchmaking bot being the notable exception), things are starting to go downhill fast elsewhere. Didn’t realize how much work the bots were actually doing? You can't avoid knowing now.

Restaurants, slowly coming back online after the increased activity in the agricultural areas, are promptly shut down again with things starting to go bad in the fridges. The VR rooms have no attendants to help with glitches. The maintenance bots are prowling the halls looking for ill people to assist to the MedBay. The spa bots are all down in the lower levels helping keep people comfortable while they convalesce, leaving the spas to run themselves. Sometimes to overflowing. It's definitely going to be an adventure discovering what else the bots were doing to keep things running smoothly.

There's no bots manning the bar (make your own drinks while you can), but this also means there are no bots cleaning up the messes people leave behind in the bar either. The detritus of people living their lives starts to pile up - which means if you don’t want garbage filling up the most used common rooms, you're going to have to apply some good old elbow grease. Exactly what you wanted to do while everyone is violently ill, right?

c. dance of the moonlight jellies.

In spite of everything going on elsewhere in the colony, something magical is happening in the lakes and ponds of the park. Maybe your healthy or recovering character stumbles across it on their own. Maybe they see the glow from a higher levels and are drawn down to it. Maybe a persistent and super helpful voice, the same voice from the item exchange, the same voice that suggested throwing the sick out into the wasteland, suggests that you should go down and look at what's happening there.

However you ended up in the park, the place is filled with a silvery glow that emanates from the ponds, rivers, and lake. Fish have come up from the bottom, from where they were buried under the sand. They look almost like East Asian dragons, for those familiar with Earth. They're long, muscular, with two sets of fins trailing in the water like legs. Their heads are delicate, beautiful things that trail whiskers in the water along beside them.

And they're dancing.

In loops and whirls, over and under each other, diving deep and then rising up again to create patterns of light and shadow. Anyone who watches for more than a minute can start to feel relief moving through them, calm, the sense that things will be okay. Watching the dance is almost like meditation. Probably, for some, a much-needed break.

Navigation.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ allison's been trying to make one of the medbay bots talk, or help, or do something useful for the last hour when she gets the text from ben. she breathes a little sigh of relief. honestly, she should have done that sooner.

allison debates how much she should tell him. enough to communicate the urgency of the situation, and also where she is and the rough details. but she also knows that ben worries, and she doesn't want to cause any unnecessary psychological distress. ]

I'm still in the medbay. The doors won't open and also I don't think the robots want me to leave.

Think you could maybe bail a girl out?

[ the bit about the group of people on the other side of the room with the horrible disease? not yet relevant! ]

[ Well she answered and that means she's alive and conscious so that alleviates most of his concern, but... something is Up, clearly. ]

Are they not letting YOU leave or are they not letting anyone leave?
Seems like an important distinction.
Did they give you a reason?
I'm on my way.

Well they're definitely not letting me leave, but no one else here is really trying to leave, so. Unclear. I think they think I'm sick, but I'm not.

[ she adds, so ben doesn't just get trapped in here with her: ]

Maybe knock before you come in? And/or bring a crowbar?

Okay how's this:
Wait right by the door.
I'll text you right before I open it and you can get out before any of them stop you.
If any of them try, I'll just punch them.

[ Ben has no beef with the robots here but he can't just let them lock up his sister like that just because they're wrong about her being sick. And Ben believes Allison, that she's really not ill. He might not believe Klaus in the same position but Allison wouldn't lie and put other people in danger just to get out of a quarantine. ]

Sounds good.

[ allison resumes her post at the door, ready to make a break for it. some of the robots turn towards her, a little suspicious, but most of them keep tending to the actually ill people in the medbay. allison hasn't gotten what she came here for, but at this point, there are too many robots around to risk wading in the fray for the painkillers. if she has to gut through the pain, then she will. it's better than getting this disease. ]

Okay, I'm at the door. Get ready. Thirty seconds and I'm coming in.

[ He seconds the message, shoves the device deep into his pocket, and rolls his shoulders, getting ready. He doesn't want to tussle with any of the robots, who he knows are probably doing their best with the limited programming available to them, but he will if he has to.

Ben counts down from hitting send, the numbers ticking by silently in his mind as he shifts his weight from foot to foot. Then he hits the button on the panel to open the door, and for a split second he is worried it will be locked from both sides. But it opens, and Ben immediately sets his foot down in the way of it closing again. He catches a glimpse of Allison on the other side and beckons her to come through, eyes on the robots milling around the medbay... ]

[ when allison receives ben's message, she also pockets her phone. she's ready to move. and her reflexes are still good -- once the doors open enough for allison to catch a glimpse of ben's face, she darts through the door, pushing ben out of the way (sorry! but also not sorry) so that they close as quickly as possible. the nearest medbots try to follow her out, but they're not quick enough, and all they're able to do is knock against the door for a few moments before resuming their work.

allison, meanwhile, gives ben a thumbs-up. ]

Thanks!

[ The whole thing is a bit of an awkward mess, Ben waving Allison through and then seeing her trajectory, not getting out of the way fast enough and getting shoved the rest of the way, getting his balance back and then reaching out to haul the door the rest of the way shut. Honestly, it's not their best-executed maneuver but it's been a long time since Ben and Allison were fighting crime together as teenagers. It works well enough, and Ben laughs in a slightly breathless way at the clanking sounds of the frustrated medbots. ]

C'mon, let's get out of here before they try to haul us back in!

[ And with that, he starts half-running half-walking back in the direction of the quarters he shares with Klaus, checking now and then to make sure Allison is at his side.

Once they've put a little distance between them and the medbay Ben comes to a halt, partly because there's no need to hurry anymore and partly because he's laughing so hard. ]

God, what a shitshow!

[ allison follows, jogging a little and grinning a lot. it's fun to be on a team with her brother again, especially when the stakes are so low. no need to tell people to hurt themselves or their friends, no need to bust out the nasty horror movie tentacles, none of that. it's more like the games of tag they used to play as kids, and for a moment, allison forgets that ben had been dead for nearly fifteen years, or that, to allison, just a few weeks ago, she nearly died.

so by the time they stop, allison is laughing too. her laugh perhaps a bit more wheezy than it usually is, but still, it's there. ]

Ben you insult me!!

that was among my finest work

I'd give you a high five but I feel like I need 5 or so showers after being in that place

Was it, though?

[ There's a sassy teasing note in his voice that is rare; Allison was always good at this, drawing out what little light-hearted playfulness Reginald hadn't managed to stamp out of him over the years. ]

This place is sorta messed up but the sauna's awesome. Why don't we go there? You can take a shower before we head in, or... do you wanna just go home?

[ Ben is surprised by how awkward he feels asking, but the truth is, it's still a new thing, hanging out with Allison. It's been so long since they were kids and trapped together in that house and on that team. Since then she'd built this whole life for herself, chosen where she wanted to be and who she wanted to be and Ben is a part of her past. Getting acquainted again almost feels like befriending a stranger. Of course, she isn't a stranger, but... he still feels that strange nervousness. ]

Edited 2019-11-19 23:42 (UTC)

[ allison just grins in response. she likes sassy ben. she loved that side of him growing up, and still does. back then, of course, she didn't fully appreciate why he wasn't like that all the time. and then, of course, everything horrifically changed. allison regrets deeply that she never really understood that side of ben until it was too late. but now, they get a second chance, and it makes that small, teasing statement all the more special. ]

Let's do shower and sauna.

[ what's the point of going straight back to the dormitory? there, allison would just lie there cooped up, worried about whether or not she'll get sick. no thanks. ]

Lead the way?

[ allison's smile becomes a little gentler, a little more encouraging. ben is a part of her past, but he's a better part of her past. he's not a reminder of the narcissistic liar allison thinks she once was. there's the survivor's guilt, of course, that she associates with him, but she imagines her other siblings feel this way. but it's different than the guilt she feels about vanya, and easier to manage.

if anything, part of allison is amazed that ben would want to hang out with her. he knew the rumor, a manipulator, one of reginald's tools. allison's opinion of her past self is low enough that it's hard for her to imagine anyone wanting to spend time with her, if that was the only version of allison they knew. ]

[ Ben had been skeptical about this place not all that long ago, but since he'd come with Cole he has the zealot of a convert. Plus, he knows for a fact that all the obnoxious attendant robots Klaus had always complained about are up in that medbay trapping poor non-sick people in their weird quarantine, so they will have some peace and quiet.

He also knows just which way to go to lead to the showers outside the sauna. They're luxurious, filled with all manner of soaps and hair products and other self-grooming goodies: Ben points her in the direction of one of those stalls, and then finds one for himself, and the two of them reunite on the other side.

Ben looks a lot different, having ditched his usual black-on-black-on-more-black ensemble for a big, floor-length fluffy white robe. As they get settled in the sauna room, he asks: ]

So is this place really nice, or am I just biased 'cause it's the first spa I've ever been to?

[ Allison must've been to some super glamorous places during her tenure as a Hollywood star. Maybe this place is really basic and he doesn't even know it... ]

[ allison takes a nice, long shower, the best she's taken in weeks. she does the whole nine yards: shampoo, condition, exfoliate with a lovely little hand brush, and in the process, try at least five of the fancy little soaps. she's in paradise.

she emerges a little after ben does. she's opted for a similar robe, except light pink, because why be boring when you could be pink! ben, thankfully, isn't in head-to-toe black. white is an improvement, but not really a color. allison makes a mental note to help ben upgrade his wardrobe. he probably wouldn't say no to a little blue, at least? maybe deep, slightly muted reds or greens?

allison is also missing her bandage, having taken it off before she got in the shower. she'll need to replace it once they get back to their quarters. at this point, the bandage is more of an aesthetic choice than anything else. her wound is closed, but it isn't pretty -- he'll see a raised, twisted, angry red line stretching across her neck, with some stitches still yet to dissolve. allison, to her credit, doesn't seem particularly self-conscious about it. she knows ben has seen worse, been through worse, and there's no point in getting worked up over reality, over what can't be changed.

allison chuckles a little at ben's question. ]

It's pretty nice, although it really depends on your taste. I've never seen a spa that's western, turkish, or japanese all in one building, and the product selection here is amazing! I do know a few people who would get mad about not being able to do a 24 karat gold face mask

[ she puts a finger to her lips, mock-shushing ben. ]

but between you and me, those are less for their skin and more for their egos.

[ Ben may have seen worse, but he hasn't seen it on his sister. It has been longer, from his perspective. Months. But he remembers so vividly arriving in that car full of his brothers, finding Allison on the floor, wide-eyed and gasping, and there had been so much blood. Ben had been so sure she would die, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He couldn't even reach out and touch her, give any comfort or help, unlike the others...

So his eyes go to that slash on her neck, and then they slide away, and he closes them a moment, banishing the memories. They're here now, and he is alive here, and he isn't going to let anything or anyone hurt her. ]

That's a thing? Seriously?

[ Ben supposes he shouldn't be surprised - the trashy magazines that Klaus sometimes shoplifted from corner stores, to read about Allison's life, certainly made it seem like a lot of celebrities live in extravagant luxury. But is gold on your face even nice? ]

I think there are some facemasks in there.

[ Ben gestures down to a little wooden box near the coals, along with water to be poured on them. He had poked around, seen that there are various substances that can be added to the water, each labeled with the effect it can have.

He sinks back, leaning against the wall of the sauna and sighing heavily. ]

I hope it wasn't wall to wall intolerable divas, when you were out there making your movies.

[ ben's reaction, while sad, isn't unexpected. she doesn't move to hide the injury, because what good would that do? what's done is done, and allison just wants to move forward. so instead she just averts her gaze a little, inspecting a few of the spa settings, letting ben process. that's his right, and she doesn't want to intrude.

she laughs at ben's shock at the gold face masks, glad that he also thinks they're ridiculous. she nods, fake-solemnly and crosses her heart. they're real, all right, although allison's never tried one.

she bends down, inspecting the mask collection, and nods approvingly. then she looks back up at ben, analyzing what his skin needs. yikes. so much. ]

You washed your face in the shower, right?

[ because you've got to get the grime off before you put on the mask! allison hands him an oatmeal-based one. it's a good, gentle first exfoliant, and allison's going to wager that ben has never exfoliated in his life. ]

It's not all divas, no. Mostly you get the really artsy types, the gross executive types, and then the private types. It's more like everyone's a workaholic at the end of the day. """The biz""" can really take up your entire life, if you let it.

[ Ben nods to her question about washing his face, giving her a silent look that seems to imply he's offended she would imagine otherwise. He hasn't been to spas before but he is CLEAN, gosh!

Then he takes the facemask from her and starts applying it, confirming her suspicion when he says: ]

I've seen Klaus do a ton of these, now I get to find out if it's really all it's cracked up to be.

[ He had already explained to Allison, after all, about not being gone all those years. About how he had stayed by their brother's side, watching, never able to really interact with the world, but not at rest, either. Ben gives Allison a little smile, rubbing the stuff across his cheekbones and down the bridge of his nose and across his forehead, seeing her apply one as well.

He waits, politely, until she's done and her hands are clean and unoccupied enough to type again before he asks: ]

And what type would you say you were?

[ He's curious how Allison thinks of herself, these days. He'd picked up some things, of course - that she's turned over a new leaf, wants to be different from how she used to be. That motherhood is extremely important to her. But there's more, and Ben wants to know it all. He wants to know his sister. ]

So... what was the best part about it? 'The biz' I mean.

[ okay LISTEN BEN it's not like allison is doubting your cleanliness but also consider: you are a textbook outfit-repeater, and therefore you probably don't care as much about the order you do your skincare in! allison, however, cares deeply. she might be a little vain, sure, but taking the time to take care of her physical appearance is part of how she gets out of her own mind, how she detaches, decompresses. there's nothing quite like reading teen trend after duping criminals into harming, and later, killing their partners!

after allison applies her mask she visibly relaxes a little, sighing softly. ben can think what he wants, of course, but to her, masks are definitely all they're cracked up to be.

she sits up a little when ben asks his questions. they're hard to answer. there's so much she can say, and in this moment, it really hits her how much ben had missed. it's sad. she wishes she could give that back to him, but as she well knows, the past is the past, and they've now got to settle for the next best thing. ]

Private, at first. LA was so huge and new, especially when you're young and you only leave the house for your nutcase dad's pet project. And I wanted to minimze the people who would make the connection between me, new girl in the studio, and the rumor.

[ allison makes a face. the whole point of going west and starting an acting career was to leave that life behind, not bring it with her.

allison thinks for a moment. the best part? that's an interesting question, and also a little easier to answer. ]

It's so fun to just be someone else for a few days, weeks, months, even years, depending on the movie. And not just in a shitty escapist way either. I guess I just felt like I got to live so many different kinds of lives, as an actress. And when the script is good, or the director is good, you really get to make art out of it sometimes, and that's the best feeling.

Plus, once into dress up, always into dress up, right? ]

[ allison winks. ]

[ YOU KNOW WHAT... fair.

Ben doesn't know what to think about the mask, at first. The feeling of it all over his skin is, at first, mildly unpleasant. He's aware of it, sitting there on top of his skin, is reminded faintly of the missions that had run long enough that the blood on him had started to dry...

But he shoves that thought away, because no, he's here, with his sister, in a nice sauna, doing self-care. There's no blood and everything is fine and it's oatmeal gunk, dammit, he's going to enjoy it! ]

Okay, but I bet you were just fine, honestly. You should've seen me when I first showed up here and I had to learn how to talk to people who weren't my family, after being dead for fourteen years, and before that only leaving the house for your nutcase dad's pet project. Allison, I was a mess!

[ He... still kind of is, honestly, but he's at least a little bit more steady, now. A lot less staring at people for long stretches forgetting they could see him. A lot more capability making small talk. A lot less freaking out over tiny nonsense.

He listens to her talking about the best part of acting with a soft smile coming over his face. Sincerely: ]

You're really good. At acting, I mean. I know I tease, but- you're really, really good. I hope you know that.

[ Then she jokes about acting being just an extension of those games of dress up that she (and let's be real, Klaus) would play when they were kids, and Ben laughs. ]

Never got the dress-up thing, honestly! Never.

[ ben is valid! even allison will admit, after some prodding, that most skincare is kind of gross while it's on your face. but after it comes off, your skin feels so good that it's worth it, at least in her book.

allison laughs a little and shrugs her shoulders. ben has a point! but mess or not, ben seems to have done pretty well for himself here, and allison is proud of him for that. ]

Maybe! But so many people I've met here seem to really like you, so you couldn't have been a mess for that long. Although if you really wanna try the tried and true Allison Hargreeves Method then you could always just read a bunch of magazines and let those teach you a good chunk of the rules of non-family social interaction.

[ so much of allison's early years in movies had been full of her worried she was going to get found out, that she had basically stolen those roles, that she didn't belong. so she did her best to learn to assimilate with the help of the l.a. mag.

when ben says that allison was good (really good!) at acting, her heart almost skips a beat. she's interacted with fans, of course, but that's always so superficial, and there's always so much uncrossable distance between her and them. and it's easy enough for allison to believe that she wasn't really that good, that she had just cheated her way into the industry, and now she was just being cast because she was a moneymaker. but ben says that like he means it, and allison smiles too, although there's just a touch of sadness there. ]

Thanks, Ben.

[ allison laughs -- ben definitely did not get the appeal of dress up, that's for sure! ]

It's never too late to start! I can help you choose colors other than black, if you want.

[ When Allison says she's met people - more than one person! = who seems to really like him here, Ben is startled for a moment, then smiles, bashfully, ducking his head forward. He knows that he's made friends here, that there are people he considers very important to him. All the same, hearing it this way, from someone else, that he is liked? Overwhelming.

So much so that he has to joke, a little flustered still but recovering well: ]

Ah, see, that was my problem. I tried doing that with Russian literature, not magazines. Knew I went wrong somewhere.

[ Allison's smile when he compliments her acting is... complicated, but Ben doesn't push. Not for the moment. He does something more rare, at least in her experience of him, and reaches out to rest his hand on hers, lightly. Ben hadn't been very big on touch, before he died. Very strict about his personal bubble. But being intangible for fourteen years can sure change some things.

Quietly, with finality: ]

I mean it.

[ And he lets her hand go, then, just in time to look mock-offended at her next comment. ]

And just what are you implying about my sense of fashion? I happen to like black.

[ IT IS. LITERALLY. ALL. HE EVER. WEARS. ]

[ allison laughs, hoarse and breathy, at imagining ben actually learning how to talk to people from russian lit. she's not super familiar, and assumes that he must mean going around asking people for their hand in marriage or talking about how god is dead or we're all going to starve in the cold or whatever. absolutely riveting conversation.

allison is surprised at the touch, but she doesn't move away, doesn't startle. it's comforting, and it means so much, coming from ben, who never did all that much when he was alive. death, of course, was an even bigger separation. so allison turns her hand over, squeezing his gently, a wordless thank you. ]

You like black? I couldn't tell. Alert the presses!

[ allison types, with one expertly-raised eyebrow. ]

I'm just saying! You might like other colors too, if you gave them a shot.

[ Something about that raised eyebrow, her timing when she turns the phone, the look on her face - it hits Ben's funny bone just in the right way, and he laughs hard, feeling joyous and so very, very happy to have his sister back. God, he'd missed this. He'd missed talking with her so much. Even if she is dragging him right now. ]

Okay, wow, uncalled for!

[ But then his giggles fade out and Ben grows more pensive, gives a little shrug. ]

I guess, maybe. To be honest I haven't really thought about it a whole lot.

[ For a while black had been a functional choice. Ben had died before he ever left the Academy and had a chance to develop any sense of personal style, himself. When he'd first arrived here, black was an obvious solution. It didn't require thought or matching or whatever, didn't draw attention, and most importantly, didn't show any bloodstains.

But this place had turned out to be not all that dangerous, and it's only been a few occasions when Ben has been grateful for the rather goth ensemble. He looks down at his hands, restlessly picking at a fingernail as he admits: ]

Klaus has joked about makeovers now and then but honestly I can't tell if he's serious or kidding, and I just know if I asked him he'd put me in super heavy makeup and something super revealing or uncomfortable and laugh it up. Even if he tried to be really really serious about it, I'm not sure... Klaus fashion is really.... Ben-suitable.

[ What Ben isn't saying is that he loves these clothes he has, that he wants to only wear them and that he's not open to anything else. He's just saying that he doesn't really want to dress like Klaus. Which, considering the kind of things their brother wears, can she really blame him? Ben is not a miniskirt kind of a guy. He's not a leather pants with a gap all the way up the sides and laces kind of a guy. ]

[ allison chuckles. that's what's been holding ben back? that he'd look like klaus? oh, ben, honey, you underestimate her! there could be something deeper going on, of course -- some global resistance to change, or something. allison wouldn't be surprised. but she also likes laughing with her brother, being lighthearted in a way that she hasn't gotten a chance to be in a long while. so she doesn't want to pry, not here. ]

I wouldn't trust Klaus with my makeover either. Guyliner and fringe definitely isn't the best way to celebrate your return to corporeal form.

[ allison plows into the next text without even thinking. she doesn't have to -- she's thought about what her brothers should be wearing for years. diego, luther and five could definitely all use this too. ]

Ok so I'm thinking of muted shades of off-white, gray, green, blue and maybe mahogany or brown to start. Earth tones but not too muddy you know? It'd be an easy transition from black and would match you well. Because everyone's gotta have a personal style, right? That's why Klaus and I dress so different -- different personalities, for one. Loose fitting tops and tailored pants could look good, although I don't know about the kinds of resources we'll have here, it's not like the bots have good fashion. Do you know anyone who knows how to sew? I'm sure we can figure something out, I'm not resting until you look great!!

[ was that an essay? yes. is allison excited for this in a fairly nerdy way?? absolutely!! ]

[ Ben wrinkles his nose when he reads the word 'fringe', looks up at Allison and gives a little shake of his head. He loves his brother, flamboyant character that he is, but Ben just really does not understand Klaus's taste sometimes.

He waits while she types for what seems like forever, and then scrolls through her long message, taking in the details. He does his best to picture the colors she is describing and the cut of clothes - but his brain stops short when he's trying to imagine it on himself. Tentatively, Ben asks: ]

You... think I'd look okay, in that kind of thing?

[ It's... a lot more embarrassing than he'd anticipated even talking about this. All Ben's instincts telling him to just fade into the background, be as un-noticeable as possible, are kicking in. Won't he look like an imposter, if he tries to dress like he's some kind of sophisticated person? Won't it be immediately clear to everyone that he's just in the costume of a regular person, that he doesn't belong...?

Some of that anxiety translates to the movements of Ben's hands, picking at the sleeve of the robe and then coming up to touch the crying face mask, restless. ]

I - could try some stuff out, I guess. I've been doing my best to do that since I came here and all. Try new stuff I never got to, you know. Before.

[ The words are halting and tentative and Ben's half-convinced he's going to regret this and it will be a catastrophe, but... he's budging, a little. ]

[ allison doesn't respond through text to ben's question. instead she just nods emphatically. yes ben, that's why she said it.

honestly, allison thinks even a hot pink feather boa would improve the gloomy, uninspired fit he's got going, but allison knows that would just spook ben, and she's so close to making real change in ben's life that she definitely doesn't want to sabotage the whole project now.

allison notices ben picking at his sleeves, his tone of voice, the way he talks about trying new things, and it hits allison like a ton of bricks: ben is nervous about this. allison feels almost sorry for him. it's just nicer pants and a real shirt she's proposing, nothing scary at all! but allison can only imagine what it's like for ben, and she tries to do that now, tries to put herself in the shoes of a person who never properly left home until they were dead, and now after years and years, has a radically different life all at once. yeah, that's a lot.

so allison does her best to be reassuring, first removing her mask so ben gets a full view of her face, knows that she really means what she types. ]

I think you'll have fun. And if you're not having fun, we can stop and you can go back to wearing what's most comfortable. It's all about wearing what you want, and trying new things so you can know what you want.

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benhargreeves - 2019-12-08 20:50 (UTC) - Expand

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november 2019. welcome to the void.

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cw injury

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