[catch-all] this is way beyond my remote concern of being condescending

[scowlish]

Who: Onni Hotakainen and whoever.
What: catch-all for assorted threads
When: late december, january
Where: around anchor
Warnings: none likely, tba in subject lines if needed

[Starters in comments.]

Comments

[braidmage]

[ When Onni explains he wouldn't have been able to talk to anyone at the time, Reynir gives a small nod, biting at his bottom lip. It is easier for him to accept that, now that a little more time has passed, and he and Onni are closer, and Onni does talk to him now. Confide in him and come to him when everything gets to be too much. Reynir doesn't regret telling him to talk to somebody, back then. But he gets it now that the grief had been too fresh and too terrible for Onni to listen.

He is not expecting what Onni says after, however. Onni's face has gone grave and Reynir's stomach twists up in worry. Had he made things worse? Is Onni angry? He looks so serious... Reynir meets his eyes and listens, tense, as Onni tells him not to let that happen again. Not to let him 'take things out' on Reynir. He opens his mouth, wanting to protest - to say that Onni hadn't hurt him, it hadn't been like that at all, that wasn't what he'd meant to imply. Reynir remembers, all too vividly, how distraught Onni had been at the mere suggestion that a stranger had thought he mistreated Lalli. The last thing Reynir wanted to do was make Onni feel like he hurts people.

But he stops before he has said anything out loud. The words die in his throat, because he can't say Onni hadn't scared him for a moment there, or hurt him in the most basic sense of the word. Reynir just... can't bring himself to think that he hadn't deserved it. It had been a justifiable, understandable reaction. He still doesn't blame Onni, at all.

He can see, though, how it would scare Onni. How he might want to take measures to make sure it didn't become a pattern that would repeat. Reynir's mouth closes, and wordlessly, he nods his agreement. He would do his best not to let him get away with it, if things ever got like that again. He doesn't think that will ever happen, but... if it does, he will try.

Sighing rather shakily, Reynir sets down the plant that he had been repotting. All this big talk he gives Onni, about how it's alright to be vulnerable, to need things, to want to be close to others. Now is a moment when he has the choice to be a hypocrite, or to practice what he preaches. So, softly, he asks: ]

Can I - have a hug, please?

[ It's stupid, and he feels stupid the moment the words leave his lips. But this isn't like those times when Onni was the one distraught and Reynir would pull him into a hug without waiting for permission. This is different. He is the one needing comfort, now. And asking is... hard. But he does it.

He knows that Onni is right. He should forgive himself and not feel bad about this anymore. On a different day, he might be more able to. But for today, he's just... a little less able to keep the sadness down. ]

[scowlish]

[Whether or not Reynir had protested his behaviour, there wouldn't have been any convincing to be done - Onni knows that he had behaved badly when Reynir came to apologize. He knows that he shouldn't have hit him, knows that he shouldn't have threatened him. It hadn't been his fault, even if he hadn't known about Tuuri's wish to keep her situation a secret from him. Onni had been angry that she'd died, angry that she'd left him, angry that he hadn't gotten to say good-bye outside of a few seconds in the dream realm, that he hadn't gotten to say the things he needed to say to her because he was too busy begging her not to leave him. He was angry at her for leaving him, and angry at himself for letting her go.

It wasn't fair of him to take that out on Reynir. Reynir had earned a certain amount of anger, of course...but not that much, and not that violently.

So it's a relief when Reynir looks at him and nods a little, doesn't protest, just lets Onni accept the responsibility for his bad behaviour and promise not to do it again. Promise to let himself be called out if he even tries to. Reynir has become someone Onni can't allow himself to hurt, he's too important, he means too much to him.

And Reynir is looking at him with that quiet, sad, vulnerable expression on his face and asking if he can have a hug. Onni blinks, for a moment, and then pushes away the pot he's working on, shifts closer and wordlessly reaches for the younger man, pulls him close against himself. Folds him into his arms and lifts a hand to curl his fingers into the thick hair at the back of Reynir's head, just above his braid. Closing his eyes, he presses his face against Reynir's shoulder and sighs softly while his other hand rubs gentle circles against Reynir's back.]

Thank you, for not blaming it on her. I mean that. And I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago. There was nothing else that you could have done differently to make any of it better, you understand?

[braidmage]

[ Reynir doesn't just hug Onni back - he sinks into the hug, clinging tightly, gripping Onni like he's afraid that he will be ripped away from him at any second. He hadn't expected this, this sudden surge of grief and guilt and complicated feelings. But he is so grateful Onni was here when it happened. And he lets himself seek comfort in those strong arms.

Burying his face against the curve of Onni's neck, Reynir's gives a brief nod in response to Onni's kind words. He is not crying, but his emotions are raw and close to the surface, his voice throaty with them as he says: ]

Okay. I understand.

[ And though his fierce grip loosens somewhat, Reynir doesn't move out of Onni's arms. He stays there, pressed in close to the warmth of him. The hurt doesn't go away - not all of it. Thinking about those awful days is still painful. But it's good, that they talked. Good that they understand one another a bit better. And good that Onni is here for him, supporting him, forgiving him. ]