[catch-all] i was highest by your warmth

[braidmage]

Who: Reynir + anyone
What: A catch-all!
When: February
Where: Anywhere!

[ Poke me at platoapproved#9602 on discord or platoapproved on plurk to plot something, or feel free to leave a starter!]

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[braidmage]

[ Reynir hears that hitch in Onni's breathing, and he can see the pain in his expression, in how he is holding his shoulders. Reynir knows him well, by now. He knows how it looks when Onni is hurting. And he knows just how much all this means, coming from Onni. He is not, Reynir knows, someone who gets close to people easily, or casually. When he notices tears starting to well at the corners of Onni's eyes, he brushes them away with his thumbs, gentle, understanding, not mentioning it aloud even though they both know Onni is crying.

Even though he might not be crying, Reynir is practically vibrating with emotion. He hadn't seen this coming, unlike Onni. But he knows, with absolute conviction, that this is right. The two of them together is right, the same way it felt right as soon as he realized he was a mage. This is how it should be. It's what he'd always wanted without even being able to recognize it on his own. ]

You're here, now. You can do those things. I'm with you and I'm not going anywhere and you aren't on your own any more.

[ His own voice cracks with emotion on that last part, and Reynir lets one hand slide down to rub faintly at the stubble on Onni's chin, then to gently feel his still-damp hair. ]

You must be so tired, from everything. Here, let's - let's sit, okay?

[ And gently, but firmly, he coaxes Onni to the couch, sitting him down and then joining him, close enough that their thighs are pressed together. There are a million questions Reynir wants to ask, about the time that has passed for Onni, about how he is doing, about the two of them. But the words won't come. So, with an unsteady sigh, Reynir buries his hands in Onni's hair once more and asks, with worry and fondness straining the words: ]

Are you sure you're okay and you don't need to go to the medbay or...?

[scowlish]

[It's nice, that Reynir doesn't draw attention to the fact he's crying, but still tends to him - Reynir seems to be overwhelmed with emotion himself, but he lifts his hands and brushes the tears away from Onni's cheeks, and looks at him like he cares, gentle and concerned. This...this is why he has feelings for Reynir, he thinks, because of his gentle care and concern and support. Reynir is soft in a way that both terrifies Onni and makes him feel safe, this precious vulnerable person that he needs to keep safe at all costs and who he's coming to realize he needs in his life. Who takes away some of the automatic perfunctory routine and fills empty spaces he hadn't entirely realized were there, adds richness and comfort and value to a life that had seemed alright before he realized how much it was missing.

It's been a long time since he's done much of anything, felt much of anything, embraced much of anything that wasn't necessary or focused on survival, or the survival of Lalli and Tuuri. Now Reynir is here and brushing his tears away and caring about him as a person and saying he isn't alone, worrying about how tired he must be, and it's almost painfully good.]

I am tired...

[Moving with Reynir, he sits down and the younger man sits next to him, their thighs touching, and Reynir goes back to touching his hair, touching his face and feeling the slight growth of his beard, the coarseness and dampness of his hair. Fussing over him. Worrying. Because he cares what happens to Onni.]

But I don't need the medbay or anything. I just need to rest for a while, somewhere safe. It's been a long time.

[Lifting his hand, he cups Reynir's cheek and brushes a thumb over his lip again, the gesture a bit hesitant and awkward, but genuine.]

[braidmage]

Okay. Then let's rest. You're safe, here.

[ Reynir gestures to those runes, covering the walls, the ceiling, the door. The Anchor itself may contain dangers, but none (as far as Reynir knows, anyway) have ever gotten into this place. It's their little sanctuary, that they made together. And now, with Onni here again, it feels full once more.

It's the middle of the day, but what does that matter? Time doesn't seem to exist right now, inside the walls of their apartment. Which couldn't be more of a difference, Reynir realizes, to the way it was while Onni was gone. Reynir was so aware of time, then. He counted it, miserly and wretched, tallying up the days and hours and minutes that he'd been robbed of Onni's presence... ]

I haven't been getting a lot of sleep, these last few days. And I... sort of don't want to let you out of my reach right now. Kinda afraid you'll vanish again if I do.

[ Reynir sucks in a quick breath and goes on, voice stronger, words coming quickly and with an almost ferocious conviction ]

And don't even think about apologizing. It wasn't your fault. I know you didn't mean to leave me, so don't you even start worrying about that.

[ Because Reynir knows how Onni's mind works, how he sees himself as responsible for the people he cares about. And he supposes that, for a variety of reasons, Onni might feel that way about him, in particular. After all, Onni cares about him (even thinking it sends a thrill of happiness through him). But there are other factors, too. He is younger than Onni. He is a less experienced mage. He has had to beg Onni for help - in small and huge, life-threatening situations - in the past. He grew up in safety, sheltered from the horrors of the world.

Reynir gives a little nod, towards his own bedroom. Onni's might remind him too strongly of Lalli's absence, and besides, Reynir wants to invite Onni in, to this place that is particularly his. To show him he is welcome. ]

Grab your pjs and join me?

[ Reynir is acutely aware that Onni probably hasn't slept in comfortable clothes, in a dry, warm bed, in a long time by his reckoning. He can't think of any better place for the both of them to relax, to (his heart stutters) maybe kiss a little more, to talk and just be close to one another. ]

[scowlish]

[When Reynir gestures to the runes, Onni nods, pale eyes flicking to the marks on the walls and then back to Reynir's face. He still has his hand on Reynir's cheek, his thumb brushing against his lip, but he lets it drop when Reynir says he hasn't been getting a lot of sleep, and that he doesn't want to let Onni out of his sight. He's about to apologize when Reynir tells him not to, and his eyebrows raise.]

Well, I won't apologize, then.

[It's quiet, and there is still a hint of apology in it, he can't help that, but he agrees with most of what Reynir said, anyhow. That he doesn't want to be out of Reynir's reach or sight, that he doesn't want to be alone, and that this place is safe. He feels safe here, even moreso when Reynir is around him, and so when Reynir says that he should grab his pajamas and join him in his room, Onni nods again, lets out a deep sigh of relief at the thought of it. Reaching out, he takes Reynir's hand and leans in to kiss the corner of his mouth again, quick and silent, before letting go and heading back into his room. It's still easy to navigate it, and he finds his pajamas quickly - just an oversized, comfortable long-sleeved T-shirt and some flannel pants - then crosses the common area.

After a soft knock on the edge of the doorframe, he slides into the room and pulls off his fur cape and the pack he'd been carrying his things in, slides his shirt off and replaces it with the soft one he'd brought from his room. There's no performance in it, Reynir has seen him naked often enough in the sauna and there's no reason to feel any differently about this, he thinks. So a few moments later, he's changed into his soft, comfortable, dry lounging clothes, and glances back up at Reynir.]

Same bed?

[braidmage]

[ Reynir changes with a similar lack of self-consciousness; more than feeling aware of the fact that Onni might be looking at his body, he is just enjoying Onni's presence in the room. His pajamas are closer-fitting than Onni's, some very soft leggings and a long-sleeved shirt with little holes he can hook his thumbs through, to keep the sleeves from getting pushed up at all.

When Onni asks if they will be in the same bed, a grin spreads over Reynir's face, fond and just a touch amused: ]

Well, yeah, that's the point.

[ Then, because he thinks he sees some awkwardness starting to show in Onni's posture, he makes it easy for him, sitting down on the bed first and reaching over to Onni, tugging at his sleeve to pull him after. The bed isn't huge, but there is enough room for the two of them. Reynir gets himself tucked under the blankets, waits for Onni to settle, too, then throws them over him as well.

He scoots closer to Onni in the bed, the sheets still cool, though he knows they'll soak up their body heat soon enough. Voice soft, Reynir asks: ]

I'm - gonna kiss you some more, now, if that's alright with you.

[ And, when he has the okay from Onni, Reynir moves closer still, slipping one leg between Onni's comfortably, hand coming to rest at the dip of Onni's waist. He kisses Onni's cheek, mouth trailing soft, open-mouthed kisses down to his jaw and then his neck. Really, some part of him had been wanting to do this again ever since they were stuck in that bubble, but it wasn't something he'd let himself want, at least, not on the surface. Sighing a huge sigh of satisfaction, Reynir sucks lazily at the point just where he can feel Onni's pulse racing away. It is evident, from his lack of hesitation, that this is something he wants badly, and that he has some experience in doing this. ]

[scowlish]

[It's comforting and comfortable to be in this situation with Reynir, who feels familiar and safe, and Onni trusts him now, not to judge him when he's vulnerable. Changing isn't particularly vulnerable, but the rest of this whole situation is. Onni has never had romantic feelings for anyone before, and certainly never confessed anything like that to another person. He isn't sure how they're meant to proceed now, or what all of it means, and the hesitation shows clearly in his voice when he asks if they're going to share a bed.

Once Reynir has changed into soft leggings and a long-sleeved shirt, he crawls into bed, and gives Onni's sleeve a tug. It's obvious enough that he knows what he's doing, so Onni follows his lead, moving easily over to the bed and slipping in under the covers. He's shared a bed plenty of times before, with people he was camping with, or with various family members, but never in this context, and so there's a few moments of awkwardness while he tries to position himself properly. He ends up lying half on his back, half on his side so it's easy to look at Reynir but still comfortable.

The bed feels like heaven, soft underneath him, and after a couple of months of sleeping on the ground in the wet and cold of Finnish nights, on edge and barely able to get more than a few hours here and there because there was no one to keep watch, it feels like sinking into clouds. Softly, in spite of himself, he groans, lets his eyes sink shut, and lets Reynir scoot in closer, slip a leg between his and press close, pulling the blankets over them. When Reynir says he's going to kiss him more, Onni opens one eye and then both, nodding his permission.

He doesn't know where he would start if he were initiating this, so it's a bit of a relief Reynir does. But the Icelander doesn't kiss his mouth again, he just trails kisses down his cheek and jaw, over the stubble there and down to his throat and neck. Making a soft noise of contentment, Onni tilts his head back, allowing Reynir more space to explore, and lifts a hand to rest against the small of his back. He'd thought they would talk more, that they'd have to discuss what's going to happen now, but Reynir seems to know exactly what he wants, and it feels so good in a soft bed with a warm person next to him, and the soft press of Reynir's mouth against his pulse point, sucking slightly, that he doesn't protest at all.]

Ah...that feels nice.

[It's a little hesitant, cautious, but he works his hand a little, rubbing against the small of Reynir's back.]

I thought about when you did this before, in the bubble. Afterward, I mean.

[braidmage]

[ They will talk; Reynir is certain of that. But he can hear the relief in the sound Onni makes when he lays down, and he can feel the awkwardness and tension bleeding out of Onni, bit by bit, as he mouths at his neck. Reynir's instincts are telling him, now, that the talking is best left for when they are both feeling a bit hazier, a bit happier, a bit more relaxed. So he hums a little noise of approval when Onni rubs at his back, and gently scrapes his teeth against Onni's skin. ]

You did?

[ Reynir's voice is soft, surprised, but there's no mistaking the delight there. He hadn't realized. Lips brushing warm against Onni's skin, he says: ]

I - I actually felt bad about it. About going so far, and getting so into it, since I thought... you were just tolerating it because you had to, and nothing more. Whenever I remembered what happened I sort of. Felt guilty. The way you looked at me when we were free... I mean I just assumed. I thought you were unhappy.

[ In hindsight, though, perhaps he had read Onni's expression completely wrong. Perhaps that quiet look had been realization, or confusion, or even perhaps unhappiness because he was already into Reynir and didn't know how to say so. The whole memory is so blurry and confusing from being handled too much, from all the times Reynir had dissected whether or not he'd messed up, there.

Reynir brushes fingertips across the small hairs at the back of Onni's neck. Quietly, he says: ]

I like making you feel nice. You should keep telling me when stuff feels nice, so I know.

[ That might be the sort of thing that goes unsaid for others, but Reynir knows that communicating his own desires, asking for things, these aren't Onni's strong suits. So perhaps if he phrases it like this - asks for Onni to at least announce it when things feel good for him. Because Reynir can misread the signs. That is clear, now. ]

[scowlish]

[Right now, it's probably better this way. Onni has never been good with words, and he's already expressed a lot of the things that have been secret inside him for some time now. His well of words seems dry, at least the words he would use to communicate what he's feeling. Combined with how tired he is, how good it feels to lie down somewhere soft and warm, his brain feels a little disconnected from expressing himself properly in words.

The fact that Reynir is lying against him, that just gently rubbing his back makes him let out that contented sort of sound while he keeps kissing his neck makes it easier. It's easier to express his affection and interest by resting his palm against the small of Reynir's narrow back, by trailing his fingers up the curve of his spine, by making soft little noises of contentment himself. When Reynir responds to him, he opens his eyes and looks up at the younger man, searching his face, brows furrowing a little.]

I wasn't unhappy. I was a little confused, because I'd kissed people before. Not often, but a few times when I was in my very early teens and everyone was doing it. Everyone seemed so excited about it, and when I tried it was...

[He makes a noise that's the verbal equivalent of a shrug. Ambivalent.]

I didn't see the appeal. But with you it was different. I liked it a lot. So I was confused afterward, I didn't know what to think. That's probably what that expression you saw was.

[Reynir's fingers brush against the nape of his neck, just against the baby hairs there, sensitive and delicate, and Onni shivers slightly, meeting Reynir's almost painfully green eyes.]

Then you were doing chores for me and noticing how difficult things were for me and I realized what the difference was between you and the people I kissed when I was fourteen. I didn't intend to mention it to you, though. I didn't think there was any chance you felt the same.

[braidmage]

[ Reynir stops mouthing at Onni's neck around when he pauses in that way and then says he had never seen the appeal of kissing, before. He shifts, adjusting enough that he is eye-to-eye with Onni, the tips of their noses just brushing. From this close, Reynir can see every eyelash, can stare into the icy blue of those gorgeous eyes.

But even as he shifts from kissing to talking for a few moments, his hands are not idle. He keeps stroking Onni's hair, fingertips trailing down to run over the skin of Onni's neck, touching the shell of his ear, little exploratory movements to see what makes him shiver. ]

So you never dated anybody before?

[ There was a time when it would have surprised Reynir, but he knows Onni too well for that, now. He knows that his life was almost entirely devoted to looking after his sister and his cousin. That he'd essentially become a single parent at the age of 15. So... that didn't leave the time or privacy for the sort of bucolic romance that had provided drama and entertainment to Reynir's teen years.

His heart is beating fast, and he can feel his face flush with happiness when Onni talks about falling for him, coming to realize it. Voice soft and uncharacteristically shy, Reynir asks: ]

What... was the difference?

[ All he wants right now is to know what it was, why Onni had chosen him, what he'd done right, so he can do that more, make sure this isn't just a fleeting thing. After all, just because Onni likes him now isn't some kind of guarantee he will continue to. Reynir is all too ready to think of himself as someone who tires people out. He wants to avoid that with Onni. Very badly.

When Onni says he assumed Reynir wouldn't feel the same, he huffs a soft laugh, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he presses his forehead forward against Onni's. ]

That's what I thought about you. I - it just seemed impossible you could ever feel that way about me. I didn't even dare to hope. I didn't let myself even imagine being with you because I just thought...

[ But words are failing him once more and Reynir presses a soft kiss to Onni's lips, and it is all gratitude and adoration and warmth. ]

[scowlish]

[When Reynir stops moving against his throat and lifts his head a little to look Onni in the eye and asks his question, Onni makes a little 'mm' in his throat.]

No. I never dated before. I never wanted to.

[It hadn't just been the way things had gone after his family died, hadn't just been because he was too busy and preoccupied with looking after Lalli and Tuuri while trying to maintain a job at 15 years old. It had also been a complete lack of interest - he'd never really found any kind of draw in all the complicated romantic tangles people had gotten themselves into, never really found anything compelling about the hushed sex he'd heard people having. Never really wanted to join in with any of it.

This is different. He likes how it feels to have Reynir lie on top of him and kiss his neck and smile at him the way he does. When Reynir asks him why it's different, the complexity of why it is really hits Onni. Making a soft noise in his throat, he idly presses Reynir's braid between his fingers and looks up at him, meeting his eyes. They're so close he can feel Reynir's breath against his mouth, and it's very nice.]

I think, because of who you are.

[Onni tilts his head against the pillow, holding eye contact with Reynir for a few moments, searching his face and trying to work out how to put it in words.]

You're...kind and attentive and gentle. I don't know how you can function and live while being as soft and open as you are, it's a sort of strength I don't understand. I like to see it, though. I like how you move through the world and how you look at it. I like how you think of me, and how you think of other people.

[A shrug, and he lets his eyes fall shut as Reynir presses a kiss against his mouth, and it's something warm and soft in a life that's been hard and cold for a very long time.]

I understand why you would think that. This is the first time I've felt this way about anyone.