redshiftlogs | Death Reversed [semi-open]

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Death Reversed [semi-open]

Who: Ami, Ben Hargreeves, otherwise open
What: Uncannily accurate tarot readings (there is no other kind)
Where: The park
When: Early September - thread with Ben takes place a few days before the open version, as Ami will need some time to process things.
Warnings: None currently
Format: Prefer brackets but prose is fine too!

Ami is in the park.

This, in itself, is not unusual. Apart from when it was overrun by mushrooms, she's been through the park a lot, especially in the evenings. It's the best place to look at that distant, unfamiliar sky. The openest place in the colony, where you can really feel like you're outdoors, and not... what's the word...

baseconfined.

But today, she brought along her backpack. And from inside it, she produces a box of tarot cards. These are nice cards, too. The backs are deep black with an almost velvety feel, and an intricate design in metallic silver ink.

She's found a nice, flat area to sit, and she's laid down a placemat she found somewhere so the cards won't get dirty. And with that, she begins shuffling the deck...

[ OOC NOTE: If you'd like Ami to do a tarot reading for your character, let me know whether you want it A) uncannily accurate or B) just random cards. If A, please hmu on Plurk or Discord (Kae#6067) to hash out the details! ]

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[ Ben watches as Ami switches things up, changing her mind before she flips the card that, Ben had learned during his own reading, represents the past. She goes for the present instead, which is sort of a strange move, and Ben is of course immediately curious why she would do that. It didn't seem like this is the way she always does it, but a decision made at the last moment. And, thus, presumably for a reason. Whatever that reason is, she's not offering it to him unprompted.

And when she gives her explanation of the card, the words seem... laden. There's no surprise or amusement there, like she has gotten a card that completely doesn't fit at all. So, does that mean that it does suit her situation? Not just obliquely, with a lot of thinking it through and explaining? ]

My other sister had a whole thing with repressed memories. [ Which is Ben's way of prompting Ami for more information, or at least to say something. ] That's less of a fun story to share, though.

[ He looks between that moon card and Ami's face, head tilted to the side, interest and concern playing across his expression in equal measure. ]

Seems like... not the happiest card to get, for what's going on in your life right now?

[ Wow. You know, I'm sure one day we'll find something about the Hargreeveses that doesn't directly apply to Ami and/or Aradia's experiences. She sighs and scratches her neck a little. ]

... Yeah, it's not the happiest card. I mean ... I'm not actively unhappy or anything, but I have had a lot on my mind lately. That's why I decided to do this in the first place.

[ Part of it goes without saying; getting trapped on an alien hellplanet does have a way of upsetting your proverbial applecart. It sure didn't remove any fear and uncertainty from her life. But that's not all there is to it. ]

A couple weeks ago, there was... I talked to this weird guy, and... it made me realize there was something super important I'd forgotten. But I've been thinking and thinking and I just - I can't figure it out. I can't remember. And I feel like... I have to remember. Even if it's nothing good.

[ Which she's fairly certain it is. There's a strong chance she'd be happier not knowing. But it's not mere curiosity driving her, not this time. ]

Edited 2019-09-18 19:51 (UTC)

[ ~~There are just so many of them.~~

Ben listens, thinking that "not actively unhappy" is damning with faint praise when it comes to how Ami is doing at the moment. But he doesn't interrupt her, listening as she explains a precipitating event that seems to have led to her current situation. A small furrow forms between Ben's brows. He has read a lot, but nothing much about missing memories or the workings of the human brain. He knows how amnesia and repressed memories and all those things tend to work in novels, but that's not necessarily anything like the truth. ]

That would freak me out. Not knowing. I don't blame you for wanting to find out.

[ He thinks, privately, that there is no 'if' about it - whatever Ami's repressed in her brain can't be anything good, or why would her mind be defending itself from it, or why would anyone want to keep it from her, if there had been an outside influence.

Considering his words a few moments, he asks: ]

Are there any - conditions that make you feel close to remembering? Like, I mean, being in the dark or smelling ... apricots or anything like that? Sensory stuff that might give you a nudge?

[ Hey if something as small as a particular scent or sound is enough to trigger a vivid and terrible flashback (which Ben definitely knows it is), maybe it would be enough to help Ami get access to whatever her brain is hiding from her. ]

Edited 2019-09-18 20:10 (UTC)

[ Ami thinks hard about that for a few seconds, but then shakes her head. ]

Not that I can think of. Or... well, not exactly. It's more like... I never don't feel like that. It comes and goes, I don't think there's a pattern, but I sort of always feel like it's on the tip of my tongue.

[ Which makes it all the more frustrating. She just can't get over how afraid of her the guy was. She lives in you, sleeps in you. She has to get out. Abomination.

What did he see inside her that scared him so badly? Who did he see? ]

[ Oh, well. It was worth a try. If she has no clues like that to go on, Ben really hasn't got any idea how he might help her - even though he does want to. She's nice, and anyways no one deserves to feel the way she is describing. ]

That sucks. Hypnosis? Is that something?

[ He's just throwing spaghetti at the wall at this point. ]

Not really sure where you'd find a hypnotist in this place even if that was something that would work.

[ But Ben isn't good at just giving up. It's not his style. ]

Did you ever feel like that before? Like there was something you forgot? Or was it just after that conversation?

[ Ami just shrugs at his first suggestion, as if to say "Your guess is as good as mine, dude." ]

No, it was just after that. I haven't seen that guy since, but Peter knew about him, so at least I know I wasn't hallucinating. He can read minds, I guess? So I assume he could see something in there, I just... don't know what.

[ Ben nods; in another environment it might strike him as notable that hallucinating was on the table to start with, but the Anchor is the Anchor and there are weird holograms and fucking nanite shapeshifters and algae spores that make you high as balls soooo.... ]

Was this guy named Cole, by any chance? Super pale, big hat?

[ Just in case she hadn't actually gotten the name of the guy - Ben has only met one person here who could read minds. It does spark an interesting idea - whether Cole would be able to help Ami recover her memories. But he might consult with Cole and seeing if that is even possible before he gets Ami's hopes up. ]

That sucks. I really wish I could help.

[ She perks up. Yeah, super pale big hat sounds about right! ]

That's him! What's his name? Cole?

Yeah, Cole.

[ A pause, for just a moment, as Ben considers, then he adds: ]

He's a friend of mine.

[ Cole would probably say something if he were here about spirits not having friends or how being Compassion means this or that, but Ben thinks of him as a friend, and so he's going to call him that. Especially since he knows that, to someone encountering him for the first time, in some contexts Cole might seem... well, a little alarming. He'd definitely alarmed Ben the first time they met. ]

So, he's the one who said you've got... repressed memories?

[ Haha, yeah, "alarming" sure is a way to put it! Ami cringes, remembering that chance meeting in the middle of the night. It did not go great. ]

Uh... he didn't say that exactly. Actually, he, uh... he sort of... called me an abomination and ran away.

[ Sorry Ben, your friend is rude. ]

Edited 2019-09-20 23:16 (UTC)

[ Ben isn't really sure why Ami is making that face, until she explains her encounter with Cole in more detail. The fond look on Ben's face slides away at once. Because.... what. The fuck.

What would lead Cole to call Ami an abomination, when he had not said that to Ben? Even though he had seen inside him and into his past, knew the things he had done, and had said it wasn't his fault?

It doesn't seem fair. Or accurate. ]

I... have no fucking clue why he would do that. Or- say that.

[ One possibility is that Ami really is an abomination. But - Ben's going to give her the benefit of the doubt. He rubs a hand across his mouth, frown deep and uneasy. ]

I can ask him about it. If you'd like. Maybe - there's some explanation.

[ Ben is willing to try, but he's not really sure whether Ami will want him interfering. She doesn't know him all that well and it's possible she wouldn't want him getting any more involved in something so personal. ]

[ It's not the first time just asking Cole has been suggested; Peter made the same offer, but she'd waffled on taking him up on it. On the one hand, getting someone else to ask on her behalf isn't normally something she'd want to do, but... on the other hand, she's scared to talk to Cole herself, and she has a sneaking suspicion he wouldn't want to talk to her, either. As the guy's friend, Ben would be uniquely suited to it.

Although a little hesitant, she nods. ] That... might be a really good idea, actually. I don't think he was trying to be mean, he just seemed... scared.

[ Which is kind of worse I guess??? ]

So yeah, maybe after we're done? [ There are, after all, still two cards to go. She places her hand on the one on the right. Ready? ]

I'm sure he wasn't trying to be mean.

[ It's not that Ben is incapable of imagining people he likes are flawed and can be mean. He is very well equipped to acknowledge when people he cares about fuck up. But in this case, because it is Cole specifically ... Ben is sure the intent wasn't to be cruel. ]

Maybe some of it is like... a cultural thing? I've kinda picked up on the fact that the place he comes from is, like, super different from Earth. That might be why - he freaked out over some thing that you or me would think is so totally not a big deal.

[ He also wonders, privately, if some of Cole's own demons or uncertainties may have played a role. But saying that to Ami would feel like revealing too much and betraying Cole's trust. So he keeps that bit to himself. ]

But I'll ask him, and I'll let you know. You've got my word.

[ And he gestures to her to turn over the next card. ]

[ ... Huh. You know, I think this might be the first time she's heard about someone originating from someplace other than Earth? It never really crossed her mind before. Yeah, maybe it's all just a big misunderstanding. She nods again and smiles at him. ]

Thanks, Ben.

[ In the meantime, maybe she'll get some comfort from her Future card. She turns it over.

It's a girl wearing a little black dress, so dark that it blends in with the background. She's in motion, dancing, her hair flinging droplets of water like stars - or perhaps stars like droplets of water. Her eyes are hidden, but her smile isn't. She's joyful, confident.

Ami smiles, too, albeit a little awkwardly after where the conversation just was. ]

The Star. Well, that's a little better. It signifies renewed hope, faith, a sense of purpose. Becoming your best self.

Edited 2019-09-23 03:39 (UTC)

[ Ben, meanwhile, was just waiting for some little sliver of positivity to latch onto to hopefully cheer Ami up, and this is just the thing. He'd realllllly been worried it would be that same Tower card over again and then that would just be awful, even if this whole tarot thing is probably meaningless.

He grins, nothing awkward about it, and says: ]

Hey! That's good news!

[ All of those things sound like they're indicating a positive outcome, if Ami were to recover those memories. Or even if Ben can just help smooth over this Cole situation. Either way, there's hope. Purpose. All that. ]

Seems like things are looking up for the both of us. We match!

[ Yeah! Yeah, that is good news! Yeah. Maybe she's just overthinking all this. It'll turn out to have been a miscommunication, and everything will be fine. As long as they both stay optimistic, everything will turn out all right in reality, because that is how optimism works. ]

Haha! Yeah, kind of! Or - ooh. Perhaps we're going to star in Wheel of Fortune®! [ Fingerguns!! She's not even a little bit sorry. ] You can be Pat Sajak, and I'll be Vanna White.

[ ... Then she frowns as something occurs to her. ] Wait, they weren't married or anything, were they? I am not up to date on my Wheel of Fortune® lore.

[ Not only does Ben appreciate the callback to his own reading, but he actually gets the reference Ami is making! It's like the opposite of what had happened with the memes - no explanation required. He laughs, maybe even harder than she'd expected, and for a moment a glimpse of the Ben she'd met that first time shines through. There's a sense of humor, there. Brightness, lightness, joy - underneath the gloom and lingering trauma.

He's still chuckling when she asks if they were married, gives a big rolling shrug, shaking his head. ]

No clue. Maybe? But it's not like game show hosts are usually married, right?

[ Ben has seen a lot of Wheel and shows like it, while Klaus was in rehab. Game shows were pretty much always on TV in common rooms - hard to find fictional TV that could be guaranteed not to show characters getting drunk or high or anything else that might jeaopardize someone's recovery. So it was all Jeopardy and Wheel and things like that all the time. ]

Doesn't matter. We can be the "we're just buds" version.

[ Okay great, he understood that reference! And it didn't get awkward! Excellent. Ami grins and nods. ] Yeah, I'm down with that one.

[ Which just leaves one more card. And she's feeling pretty good about it now - the future's going to be okay, so whatever lies forgotten in her past can't be that bad, right? At the very least, she feels up to facing it. Her fingers touch the back of the card. Anyway, it's not like this is going to... I don't know, show her some kind of mystic vision or something. This is just tarot, after all. She's not any kind of seer, it's just for fun. ]

Hi, Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel.

[ And she flips the card.

This one depicts a hooded figure, pure white like all the others, hovering barely an inch off the ground, a lily beside him. Above one hand floats a key; in the other, he holds a bleeding skull. But here's a twist: the card is upside-down.

Ami frowns and tilts her head at it, not upset, but ... mildly perplexed. Her voice goes quiet, pensive. ]

Death, reversed.

There's a death card?!

[ Ben feels like maybe he'd heard about that being referenced - maybe in a book, maybe a movie - but he hadn't realized that one of the actual tarot cards in a deck just said 'DEATH' on it in great big letters. That seems remarkably shitty. Who would want to see a card like that.

A lot of different possibilities present themselves. Ben isn't the only one in this place who has had more than a brush with death in his past. Maybe somewhere in those memories Ami doesn't have access to, she'd died. Maybe only for a minute.

But then it sinks in that she'd said reversed, and he remembers her saying something about one of his own cards having a different meaning reversed. So he asks, still brightly, trying to lighten the mood if he can: ]

Oh but, upside-down means it is opposite, right? So what's the opposite of the Death card? Being, like... super alive?

[ Ami can't help laughing a little at his reaction. ] Haha! No, no no no. The Death card isn't literally death! Just like the Fool doesn't mean you're foolish. [ She eyes the card again, smiling softly. ] What it represents is change. That may involve a loss, or an ending, but there's always a new beginning afterward. Like... like how winter leads into spring.

[ Like how winter leads into spring.

As the words leave her mouth, she's struck with the oddest sense of déjà vu.

She's said that before, when explaining this card to someone else. But who? When? She squints, chasing the fleeting hint of memory like it's a white rabbit obsessed with its stupid pocketwatch. But this time, it doesn't get away.

Who was it? Why... the very person who gave her these cards.

Ami's eyes widen, her focus drifting into the middle distance. ]

It's Ryoji's card.

[ And with that, we have entered the rabbit hole. All of a sudden, the details start flooding back to her, each one leading to another and another and another and another and ]

Ryoji, he - he got me this deck! I couldn't remember who - it's his arcana!

[ But what does that actually mean? It doesn't make sense. He was Death? She remembers his face, but also a huge form surrounded by coffin-shaped shields. She was going to teach him tarot. He saved her life. She laughed at his funeral - but he wasn't dead, he was Death, with a capital D -

She presses a hand to her forehead, shaking her head slightly.]

I... don't understand.

[ It doesn't make sense. Everything popping into her head, it's impossible. Is this real? Is this what she forgot? When did all this happen? ]

[ Ben's glad to see that Ami isn't discouraged by (what still seems to him like) the unlucky card, and that his reaction to it cheered her up a little. He's got his mouth open to ask what it could mean in the context of her own life, but catches himself. She is distracted, squinting at the air vaguely above his left shoulder. He wonders if she's trying to recall something about the card itself, and its meanings. But then she is saying something about a guy whose card it is, and talking about how he'd given her the deck.

Which doesn't really make sense, why she is saying these things in that voice of revelation and surprise. It's not like she's explaining it to him - she's saying it aloud, more to herself. Like she didn't know.

And that is only confirmed when she talks about not being able to remember who had given it to her. And what with the conversation they'd just had about her memories, that makes Ben's heart beat a bit faster. He stays quiet, watching as she touches her face and shakes her head and looks so baffled.

Finally, he asks: ]

Don't understand what? What just happened?

I don't know. I just...

[ Her mind races, following the thread deeper and deeper. Ryoji saw her in a vision once, but it wasn't her - it was a different her, with fairy wings and horns - wait, she had horns!! Her hand moves to the side of her head, where they should have been rooted, but finds only a pigtail. Her head feels too light all of a sudden. What happened to her horns?

It's making her confused and scared and slightly dizzy, and it's difficult to focus on now and then at the same time. But she meets Ben's eyes, finally. She wants to tell him what's going on, but she doesn't know. One thing's quickly becoming clear, though - ]

... I think maybe ... my world isn't as normal as I thought.

[ As strange as all this must be for Ami inside her own head, it is also very odd for Ben to witness from the outside, without context. He watches as she pats at her head - not the way someone would if they had a headache or even a sudden injury, but like she's feeling around for something. Ami isn't looking at him, hardly seems to notice he's there anymore. But something's definitely happening. For just a moment he's worried maybe she's like... having a seizure or a stroke or something. Like, she's just a kid, but he doesn't know shit about medicine and maybe? What else would explain it?

It's a relief when she finally meets his eyes again - Ben's face is twisted up with concern, and her words don't mitigate that all. ]

Your world?

[ What's her world got to do with any of it? He asks, voice a little clipped with urgent worry: ]

Seriously, Ami, what's happening, are you okay? Do you need to go to the infirmary?

[ Ami blinks a few times, confused, as if she doesn't quite understand the question. Does she? She's not hurt, though, is she? It's not like that time a monster broke her arm (what?) and she had to go to the hospital, or her parents taking her to the doctor six times because her eyes turned yellow (huh?), or when Noah got all fucked up and covered in bandages (oh God, Noah, she forgot about him too?!) - ]

No? I don't know. Maybe.

[ The present, Ami. If she's going somewhere, she should pack up the cards. She puts them neatly back in their box, the deck first, then the spread. Star. Moon. Death reversed...

She lingers on that one, holding it in front of her. ]

Reversed... means resisting change. Personal transformation...

[ The horns, yellow eyes, black lips. She'd been transforming into something. Or someone...? A deep, existential terror takes hold of her, and she hastily returns Death to the box as well, as if she can't get rid of it fast enough. ]

Yes I think we should go there please thanks!

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benhargreeves - 2019-10-02 01:19 (UTC) - Expand

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livingdeadgirl - 2019-10-05 17:41 (UTC) - Expand

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Death Reversed [semi-open]

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