redshiftlogs | Death Reversed [semi-open]

Entry tags:

Death Reversed [semi-open]

Who: Ami, Ben Hargreeves, otherwise open
What: Uncannily accurate tarot readings (there is no other kind)
Where: The park
When: Early September - thread with Ben takes place a few days before the open version, as Ami will need some time to process things.
Warnings: None currently
Format: Prefer brackets but prose is fine too!

Ami is in the park.

This, in itself, is not unusual. Apart from when it was overrun by mushrooms, she's been through the park a lot, especially in the evenings. It's the best place to look at that distant, unfamiliar sky. The openest place in the colony, where you can really feel like you're outdoors, and not... what's the word...

baseconfined.

But today, she brought along her backpack. And from inside it, she produces a box of tarot cards. These are nice cards, too. The backs are deep black with an almost velvety feel, and an intricate design in metallic silver ink.

She's found a nice, flat area to sit, and she's laid down a placemat she found somewhere so the cards won't get dirty. And with that, she begins shuffling the deck...

[ OOC NOTE: If you'd like Ami to do a tarot reading for your character, let me know whether you want it A) uncannily accurate or B) just random cards. If A, please hmu on Plurk or Discord (Kae#6067) to hash out the details! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Ben likes to come to the park when he wants to be alone. It has been good, living with Diego and Klaus these last few months. And he is happy that the library is now dry and repaired and pleasant enough that other people feel that they can come there to spend time. But it has somewhat limited his options for when he's feeling a little anxious, a little aimless, a little afraid that the next big crisis - blackouts and fungus and the redshift and god knows what else - is on the way.

So he ends up in the park that day, hands in his pockets, wandering idly and doing what it seems like he does best sometimes: worrying. He had wanted solitude, but his thoughts are getting pretty intolerable, and he's just about to turn and head back to his quarters when he sees someone settling herself down on the grass.

He recognizes her, a little. That girl he'd run into in the kitchen when he accidentally interacted with those whacky mushrooms. He remembers... talking to her. Like a lot. But not really anything he'd said. Oh, god, how embarrassing...

Then he sees she is setting something up and comes a little closer, curiosity winning over his hesitation. Is she... playing solitaire? No, the cards are too big. Quietly: ]

Is that... tarot?

[ Having been sober at the time, Ami remembers their earlier conversation much better. And it was very pleasant from her end! He just seemed like a nice, friendly, outgoing guy who wasn't shroomed out of his dome even a little bit.

Still, she doesn't notice him until he speaks up. Maybe she's lost in thought, maybe he's just stealthy. When she sees him, she smiles - if not quite as brightly as usual. ]

It is tarot! Hi, Ben. You spooked me a little.

I'm a spooky guy.

[ He says it like it's a private joke, with a rueful and slightly lopsided smile. Then, shrugging, he adds more genuinely: ]

Sorry. Didn't mean to sneak up on you...

[ Oh, no. No, he was going to say her name there but he's just realized that despite remembering her introducing herself, he has absolutely no recollection of her name. None at all. Can he cover? Make it through the conversation without revealing that he's forgotten. ]

Are you, um. Psychic?

[ And Ami's a spooky girl! No wonder they get along. She laughs a little and shrugs. ]

Not that I know of!

[ She means it as a joke, but then realizes with that phrasing, it actually ties in with what's been bugging her? So it's not as funny to her as she thought it was. She finishes shuffling and places the cards neatly on the placemat. ]

Although I guess I'm not just doing it for fun, either? I don't really believe the cards have precognitive properties or anything. But they can still be helpful when you're looking for insight or direction.

[ Ben accepts that answer and its uncertainty without seeming fazed by it. His thinking about things can be pretty set in stone, but lately a lot that he was certain about has been shown to rest on shaky foundations. Vanya had had powers all this time, and his father killed himself, and Klaus time traveled, and now he is in this strange place and alive again. So it makes sense that this girl might actually not know if she is or isn't psychic. ]

That makes sense.

[ And perhaps he ought to have left it there, said a polite goodbye and let her continue with what she was doing. But Ben finds himself lingering. Hesitating. He looks down at that stack of cards, and that whirling, restless, unsettled feeling in his chest is still there, pressing, a constant ache. A little haltingly, he adds: ]

I - think I could use... a little of that right now. I mean. If you're offering.

[ Ami's surprised, but then nods and gestures to the ground on the other side of the placemat. ]

Sure! I was just planning to do a spread for myself, but we can read for you, too. It's just gonna be the Major Arcana, is that alright? I can never remember the Minor ones without the wiki.

[ He thinks there was an M in the name. Megan? Maya? Mia? Mia sounds close maybe it was that. Anyway, he is managing to get through this conversation without it becoming an issue and hopefully that will just keep on being true. Ben comes around and settles himself cross-legged on the other side of the placemat, facing her. ]

I would do one for you, but I don't know what the cards mean.

[ He really means that, too; he doesn't know the difference between the arcanas and so he just gives a little shrug. Ami may notice that in demeanor he is fairly different to the first time he met her; less smiling and a lot less talking. ]

That's perfect. Thank you.

[ Ben's got no clue what a 'wiki' is but he just assumes it is some kind of book that contains a guide to the cards and their meanings or how to interpret them. He comes from a world without the internet and he's doing his best! But he doesn't ask what it is, despite his curiosity. That's just the Ben Hargreeves way; he does watch what she does with keen interest, though. He has some passing familiarity with how seances work, thanks to certain siblings, but tarot is not something he's really interacted with. ]

[ Well, she can easily read for herself, that's what she was gonna do anyway. But it's nice of him to offer, and she smiles.

It hasn't escaped her how much less animated he's behaving. Last time, he was so bouncy and talkative she almost thought he was high on something, but now he's... quiet. Sedate. Pensive. The difference is pronounced, and without an accurate idea of his baseline, she gets the impression that he's really down in the dumps. Clearly, he needs this guidance at least as much as she does.

She adjusts her tone accordingly. Solemn, yet mystical. ]

Of course. We'll do a simple three-card spread. [ For each of the following, she draws a card from the top of the deck with practiced deftness, and lays it in its spot, facedown. ] Past... Present... Future.

Where would you like to start?

[ Ben nods along as if he knows what a three card spread is, watching the confidence with which Ami handles the cards. She might be young, but she clearly knows her way around this stuff. Ben doesn't really have high hopes that this is going to reveal anything of importance to him, but it is already working as a pretty nice distraction from his own thoughts. ]

Past makes sense.

[ It'll be an interesting test of the accuracy of this whole thing, after all. Ben might not be so sure about his future or even his present, but he's got a pretty good grip on what the past was. ]

[ Past it is! Ami flips the card on her right, his left.

The deck features an artsy, surreal style. On this card, a beautifully painted alabaster spire stands tall against a black background, but all is not well; it's crumbling, consumed in flames, and in the foreground a female figure falls to her doom.

Ami exhales through pursed lips. A portentious omen! ]

The Tower. Upheaval, chaos, disaster. [ She glances up, watching his reaction with a sidelong gaze. ] It signifies a dark time in your past. Something that upended your entire life.

[ Even before she starts to speak, Ben can guess this isn't a good news card. The fire and death kind of gave that away. But the way that Ami phrases it, when she gives her interpretation... well, that is a lot. Ben gives a small, entirely humorless smile, shrugging his shoulders and saying succinctly: ]

When wasn't it a dark time?

[ Okay, so that's oversimplifying things a little. They had found pockets of joy, the seven of them. They'd found ways to be happy now and then despite everything. Ben huffs a sigh, reaching down to run a fingertip along that card, the illustration, the falling woman. Impulsively, he admits: ]

I died. When I was 16. Probably... that's what it means.

[ She blinks. That is... not usually the response you get for this card! Especially from a person who appears to be very much alive. ]

You... For real? You - you died?

[ And then what? There's gotta be more to it, right? ]

Yeah.

[ It's not something he really wants to talk about at all, but there are some parts of it that he Does Not want to talk about more than others. Like, how he had died, or any details or reliving of the event itself, thanks very much. And so, in an attempt to avoid those areas, he is willing to nudge things in a different direction by giving some information. ]

I was a ghost for a long time before I came here. No one could see me or hear me except Klaus.

[ And... Ben does not actually remember what if anything he had told Ami about Klaus when he had rambled at her while high, so he just fills in the basics, either as a first-time primer or a reminder. ]

My brother. His powers let him speak to the dead.

[ Ben picks up that Tower card, squinting at it mostly because it gives him someplace else to look other than Ami and the way she is staring at him. He doesn't blame her. It's legit. But it's still pretty uncomfortable. ]

Big surprise when I showed up here alive again. I don't know how. Just... happened.

[ We are all completely blown away by this stunning revelation.

Wow. Dead. Really? Like a ghost?

Huh.

At first, Ami doesn't know what to say. Being dead - invisible, inaudible, with only one person in the whole world who even knows you're there? How would you even stand that?

She tries a wry smile, though, in spite of that. ] I was gonna say, you look pretty good for a dead guy! [ But this is clearly a serious subject, so she adds - ] For real, though. That sounds... so lonely.

[ a pause... ]

Do, uh. Do you wanna talk about it?

[ They do still have two cards to go, but... ]

[ Ben gives a wry, tight little smile when she jokes about thinking he looks good for a dead guy. He knows it makes people nervous. Death. The ghost thing. Him talking about things in his life that objectively are pretty awful. So he doesn't begrudge her a little joke or two, and when she says it sounds lonely he just gives a rolling kind of a shrug. It is so obvious that it was horrifically, unimaginably lonely that it's not even worth a 'yes', right? ]

We can if you want to.

[ And he looks at her, dark eyes open, curious. He knows that his time as a ghost can raise some existential questions for people. He'd been through this with Patch. So if Ami needs a minute to recover, needs to ask him things, he's willing to help if he can. But it's clear from his tone that any conversation will be for her benefit alone. He'd had a lot of years to deal with the whole situation. ]

[ If she wants to...?

Does she want to? On the one hand, sure, anyone would be curious about what lies beyond the veil. But on the other... don't dredge up bad memories. Obviously, it was an awful time for him; it'd be cruel of her to make him revisit it just to indulge her morbid curiosity.

Ami shakes her head, looking down at the cards. ]

We don't have to.

[ She places her fingers on the middle card, ready to flip it, and glances back up to his eyes. Moving on? ]

[ Ben doesn't pressure her, during that interval of silence as she makes her decision. He has no idea what is going on in her head - or how kind her thoughts are, not wanting to burden him - but when she makes up her mind (and it does sound like a no), he respects it, and doesn't ask any questions as to her reasons.

When she looks at him for confirmation to turn over the second card, the one standing in for his present, he nods. Here, he is a little more curious than for the card to see his past. Then, the question was whether there would be any accuracy to this at all. Now, the question is - what is his present really like? He has such mixed feelings on being here, in this place, everything that happened leading up to his arrival, all the incidents that have happened since. ]

I'm ready.

[ She nods and flips the card over. While still adhering to the dark aesthetic of the deck, this card isn't nearly as dire-looking. The figure is that of a toddler, surrounded by water lilies and birds (and fish?) in flight, as a glowing butterfly alights on their forehead.

Ami smiles. This is a nice one! ] The Fool. A card of new beginnings. Following your heart, taking the first step into the unknown.

[ Ben gives a wry little smile, looking up from the card at her, eyebrows raised. Is she joking? Making fun? He can't tell. ]

The Fool? Damn, rude!

[ But that joking is at least part defensive cover for the nerve that that card strikes. Ben thinks about his first day in this place. In a way he was like a child again. He went the whole day without eating, drinking, had to be reminded by his brother that he had to take care of his body. He'd had to be coaxed into bed, like a tired toddler.

And so much is new and unknown, now. He had never thought he would be alive again; it's about as new as a beginning could get. Ben rubs at his neck, a little uneasy now with two cards in a row that are so unerringly accurate. ]

Hopefully not that unknown, if that third card is as on point as these ones.

[ Ami laughs - of course the Fool doesn't literally mean you're foolish, any more than the Three of Cups means you'll literally receive three cups! But she assumes he's joking.

If the cards are on point, it's only because of the meaning your mind assigns to them, you know. And definitely not because some sort of omniscient puppet-masters are stacking the deck for dramatic effect or anything! That would just be absurd. ]

Well, let's find out.

[ She flips the third card.

This one's a bit more surreal than the others. A four-armed figure sits in the lotus position, but where his head should be, there's instead a disc... no, a hole, a long tunnel stretching into infinity, lined with indecipherable writing and a string of connected points of light. The string extends into two of the figure's hands, broken - but is he bringing the ends together, or pulling them apart?

Beneath him, the label reads DESTINY. ]

Ooh! [ Ami seems pleased with this one. ] This is actually the Wheel of Fortune. In this deck they decided to call it Destiny. So you could take it either way.

Upright, it signifies good luck, optimism... [ She smiles, watching him. ] A change of fortune for the better.

Edited 2019-09-09 21:17 (UTC)

[ It's a good card. A much better one than the first, and even in some ways the second. A change of fortune might be a bad thing if any of his fortune up to this point had been good. Looking at the three of them, the narrative is so simple, clear. His start in life had been hard, beset by misfortune and hardship. He had been given a new beginning, a fresh start. And in the future there will be good luck, happiness, things to look forward to.

And this is something he has been thinking to himself, as he made plans in this place. To fix up the library. To teach Kieran to read. To teach Klaus's pet ferret tricks. To spend time with Peter. To help Cho or Pratt if they are ever in need. He has actually started looking forward to the future, and believing that good things can happen for him.

Which should be good. It shouldn't be terrifying. But it is.

He rubs at his neck, knowing he ought to be smiling, and grateful. He tries a small smile at least, and a somewhat weak: ]

Yay.

[ Ben's discomfort is a very still, very quiet thing. He meets Ami's gaze and gives a little shrug. He owes her at least a small explanation. ]

Sorry. I'm... just used to expecting the worst. Assuming... things are only ever going to get darker. It feels frightening. To hope for anything else.

[ He's rushing past it, he knows, and maybe she'll be curious and want to talk about it more, or maybe she'll be uncomfortable at his reaction and glad for the chance to move on. Squaring his shoulders he says: ]

Can we- do your reading now. Please.

[ His tepid reaction puzzles her at first. It's a good fortune, isn't it? But the way he explains it is just... so sad. He wants to hurry on, but she can't just rush through and leave that unaddressed. ]

Well, hang on! You can't just say something like that and expect me to be like, "Oh, okay." [ Sheesh! Why are dudes like this!! ]

Look, Ben... [ She repositions herself a little, hands resting on her ankles. ] You've been through a lot, yeah? And now suddenly you're on an alien planet, and there's all these big unexpected changes, and you have to breathe again and stuff. So, like... it's okay to be scared. Anybody would. I would.

[ And she is! Frequently! But that's neither here nor there. ]

And, I mean... obviously the future is not set in stone. I can't say for a hundred percent sure that it'll get better. At least, it'd be naïve to say it'll only get better, all of the time. But... [ She shrugs. ] You're alive, right? Not everybody gets a second chance like that. I think, if it were me... I'd at least wanna give hope a try.

[ Ben blinks, surprised that she doesn't let him get away with it. Not because she seems morbidly interested, but because she is actually concerned. He's so used to being the one who doesn't let other people deflect, who is giving the pep talks.

He drops his gaze immediately when she says he's been through a lot, like the sleeves of his hoodie are suddenly the most interesting thing in the world and he has to stare at them, rub them between thumb and forefinger; the fray in the cuff makes it clear this is a longstanding nervous habit.

She shouldn't be saying all this. Should be scolding him for being afraid of good things. It makes him ridiculous, and he knows it, and he dislikes himself so acutely at that moment for it. What kind of person feels relieved when they hear it's not going to be all good, all the time?

He waits until she is done speaking, silent, head slightly bowed. His eyes stray over to that last card. Destiny. He finds his words again: ]

I just. Don't get why I get a second chance. Not. Other people, who deserve it more.

[ Boy howdy there's a lot to unpack there. Ben is thinking specifically of Dave. Dave, who he doesn't even fucking know, really, but who he'd heard so much about from Klaus. Who might have been a soldier, but had never been a killer the way Ben had been since he was just a kid. If Dave had showed up here, mysteriously alive again, how much better would Klaus be doing?

He reaches out and takes that last card, plucking it up delicately and looking at it, as if there will be more answers inside. So much for this reading being a fun distraction to take his mind off his gloom.... ]

You're right. I know that. I owe it to... whatever brought me here to try.

[ He exhales, finally looking back up, an apologetic half-smile quirking his mouth. ]

Sorry. I - we barely know each other and I'm unloading all this gloom on you, and the truth is... I can't even remember your name from the last time we met.

[ Ah... survivor's guilt, then? Or... what is it called if you also don't survive? Maybe that's just regular guilt. Ben's situation is certainly unique, but she can empathize, at least.

She's glad he seems willing to give it a try, though. Tarot may not actually have any mystical properties, but it's a lens through which you can view your own experiences, and focus your actions going forward. Hopefully he's at least found it helpful.

And while she's a little surprised at his apology, after a second she laughs. ]

Haha! That's okay, it happens! I'm Ami. Don't worry about it, though - sometimes you just need to vent, you know?

Ami! I knew that.

[ He absolutely did not know that, and his tone of voice makes it clear that this is a joke, that he's pretending to cover for his faulty memory. Because even if she is right and everyone needs to vent now and then, Ben's not exactly good at it, or even practiced. Certainly not with anyone who isn't Klaus.

(Although... uncomfortable as the last few moments have been, he feels... a little better now, than when he had first sat down. A little less burdened. Maybe there's something to be said for the whole talking it out thing.

Ben nods to the cards and comments: ]

I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but that was, like, scary accurate. Is it always like that?

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