redshiftlogs | Death Reversed [semi-open]

Entry tags:

Death Reversed [semi-open]

Who: Ami, Ben Hargreeves, otherwise open
What: Uncannily accurate tarot readings (there is no other kind)
Where: The park
When: Early September - thread with Ben takes place a few days before the open version, as Ami will need some time to process things.
Warnings: None currently
Format: Prefer brackets but prose is fine too!

Ami is in the park.

This, in itself, is not unusual. Apart from when it was overrun by mushrooms, she's been through the park a lot, especially in the evenings. It's the best place to look at that distant, unfamiliar sky. The openest place in the colony, where you can really feel like you're outdoors, and not... what's the word...

baseconfined.

But today, she brought along her backpack. And from inside it, she produces a box of tarot cards. These are nice cards, too. The backs are deep black with an almost velvety feel, and an intricate design in metallic silver ink.

She's found a nice, flat area to sit, and she's laid down a placemat she found somewhere so the cards won't get dirty. And with that, she begins shuffling the deck...

[ OOC NOTE: If you'd like Ami to do a tarot reading for your character, let me know whether you want it A) uncannily accurate or B) just random cards. If A, please hmu on Plurk or Discord (Kae#6067) to hash out the details! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Even before she starts to speak, Ben can guess this isn't a good news card. The fire and death kind of gave that away. But the way that Ami phrases it, when she gives her interpretation... well, that is a lot. Ben gives a small, entirely humorless smile, shrugging his shoulders and saying succinctly: ]

When wasn't it a dark time?

[ Okay, so that's oversimplifying things a little. They had found pockets of joy, the seven of them. They'd found ways to be happy now and then despite everything. Ben huffs a sigh, reaching down to run a fingertip along that card, the illustration, the falling woman. Impulsively, he admits: ]

I died. When I was 16. Probably... that's what it means.

[ She blinks. That is... not usually the response you get for this card! Especially from a person who appears to be very much alive. ]

You... For real? You - you died?

[ And then what? There's gotta be more to it, right? ]

Yeah.

[ It's not something he really wants to talk about at all, but there are some parts of it that he Does Not want to talk about more than others. Like, how he had died, or any details or reliving of the event itself, thanks very much. And so, in an attempt to avoid those areas, he is willing to nudge things in a different direction by giving some information. ]

I was a ghost for a long time before I came here. No one could see me or hear me except Klaus.

[ And... Ben does not actually remember what if anything he had told Ami about Klaus when he had rambled at her while high, so he just fills in the basics, either as a first-time primer or a reminder. ]

My brother. His powers let him speak to the dead.

[ Ben picks up that Tower card, squinting at it mostly because it gives him someplace else to look other than Ami and the way she is staring at him. He doesn't blame her. It's legit. But it's still pretty uncomfortable. ]

Big surprise when I showed up here alive again. I don't know how. Just... happened.

[ We are all completely blown away by this stunning revelation.

Wow. Dead. Really? Like a ghost?

Huh.

At first, Ami doesn't know what to say. Being dead - invisible, inaudible, with only one person in the whole world who even knows you're there? How would you even stand that?

She tries a wry smile, though, in spite of that. ] I was gonna say, you look pretty good for a dead guy! [ But this is clearly a serious subject, so she adds - ] For real, though. That sounds... so lonely.

[ a pause... ]

Do, uh. Do you wanna talk about it?

[ They do still have two cards to go, but... ]

[ Ben gives a wry, tight little smile when she jokes about thinking he looks good for a dead guy. He knows it makes people nervous. Death. The ghost thing. Him talking about things in his life that objectively are pretty awful. So he doesn't begrudge her a little joke or two, and when she says it sounds lonely he just gives a rolling kind of a shrug. It is so obvious that it was horrifically, unimaginably lonely that it's not even worth a 'yes', right? ]

We can if you want to.

[ And he looks at her, dark eyes open, curious. He knows that his time as a ghost can raise some existential questions for people. He'd been through this with Patch. So if Ami needs a minute to recover, needs to ask him things, he's willing to help if he can. But it's clear from his tone that any conversation will be for her benefit alone. He'd had a lot of years to deal with the whole situation. ]

[ If she wants to...?

Does she want to? On the one hand, sure, anyone would be curious about what lies beyond the veil. But on the other... don't dredge up bad memories. Obviously, it was an awful time for him; it'd be cruel of her to make him revisit it just to indulge her morbid curiosity.

Ami shakes her head, looking down at the cards. ]

We don't have to.

[ She places her fingers on the middle card, ready to flip it, and glances back up to his eyes. Moving on? ]

[ Ben doesn't pressure her, during that interval of silence as she makes her decision. He has no idea what is going on in her head - or how kind her thoughts are, not wanting to burden him - but when she makes up her mind (and it does sound like a no), he respects it, and doesn't ask any questions as to her reasons.

When she looks at him for confirmation to turn over the second card, the one standing in for his present, he nods. Here, he is a little more curious than for the card to see his past. Then, the question was whether there would be any accuracy to this at all. Now, the question is - what is his present really like? He has such mixed feelings on being here, in this place, everything that happened leading up to his arrival, all the incidents that have happened since. ]

I'm ready.

[ She nods and flips the card over. While still adhering to the dark aesthetic of the deck, this card isn't nearly as dire-looking. The figure is that of a toddler, surrounded by water lilies and birds (and fish?) in flight, as a glowing butterfly alights on their forehead.

Ami smiles. This is a nice one! ] The Fool. A card of new beginnings. Following your heart, taking the first step into the unknown.

[ Ben gives a wry little smile, looking up from the card at her, eyebrows raised. Is she joking? Making fun? He can't tell. ]

The Fool? Damn, rude!

[ But that joking is at least part defensive cover for the nerve that that card strikes. Ben thinks about his first day in this place. In a way he was like a child again. He went the whole day without eating, drinking, had to be reminded by his brother that he had to take care of his body. He'd had to be coaxed into bed, like a tired toddler.

And so much is new and unknown, now. He had never thought he would be alive again; it's about as new as a beginning could get. Ben rubs at his neck, a little uneasy now with two cards in a row that are so unerringly accurate. ]

Hopefully not that unknown, if that third card is as on point as these ones.

[ Ami laughs - of course the Fool doesn't literally mean you're foolish, any more than the Three of Cups means you'll literally receive three cups! But she assumes he's joking.

If the cards are on point, it's only because of the meaning your mind assigns to them, you know. And definitely not because some sort of omniscient puppet-masters are stacking the deck for dramatic effect or anything! That would just be absurd. ]

Well, let's find out.

[ She flips the third card.

This one's a bit more surreal than the others. A four-armed figure sits in the lotus position, but where his head should be, there's instead a disc... no, a hole, a long tunnel stretching into infinity, lined with indecipherable writing and a string of connected points of light. The string extends into two of the figure's hands, broken - but is he bringing the ends together, or pulling them apart?

Beneath him, the label reads DESTINY. ]

Ooh! [ Ami seems pleased with this one. ] This is actually the Wheel of Fortune. In this deck they decided to call it Destiny. So you could take it either way.

Upright, it signifies good luck, optimism... [ She smiles, watching him. ] A change of fortune for the better.

Edited 2019-09-09 21:17 (UTC)

[ It's a good card. A much better one than the first, and even in some ways the second. A change of fortune might be a bad thing if any of his fortune up to this point had been good. Looking at the three of them, the narrative is so simple, clear. His start in life had been hard, beset by misfortune and hardship. He had been given a new beginning, a fresh start. And in the future there will be good luck, happiness, things to look forward to.

And this is something he has been thinking to himself, as he made plans in this place. To fix up the library. To teach Kieran to read. To teach Klaus's pet ferret tricks. To spend time with Peter. To help Cho or Pratt if they are ever in need. He has actually started looking forward to the future, and believing that good things can happen for him.

Which should be good. It shouldn't be terrifying. But it is.

He rubs at his neck, knowing he ought to be smiling, and grateful. He tries a small smile at least, and a somewhat weak: ]

Yay.

[ Ben's discomfort is a very still, very quiet thing. He meets Ami's gaze and gives a little shrug. He owes her at least a small explanation. ]

Sorry. I'm... just used to expecting the worst. Assuming... things are only ever going to get darker. It feels frightening. To hope for anything else.

[ He's rushing past it, he knows, and maybe she'll be curious and want to talk about it more, or maybe she'll be uncomfortable at his reaction and glad for the chance to move on. Squaring his shoulders he says: ]

Can we- do your reading now. Please.

[ His tepid reaction puzzles her at first. It's a good fortune, isn't it? But the way he explains it is just... so sad. He wants to hurry on, but she can't just rush through and leave that unaddressed. ]

Well, hang on! You can't just say something like that and expect me to be like, "Oh, okay." [ Sheesh! Why are dudes like this!! ]

Look, Ben... [ She repositions herself a little, hands resting on her ankles. ] You've been through a lot, yeah? And now suddenly you're on an alien planet, and there's all these big unexpected changes, and you have to breathe again and stuff. So, like... it's okay to be scared. Anybody would. I would.

[ And she is! Frequently! But that's neither here nor there. ]

And, I mean... obviously the future is not set in stone. I can't say for a hundred percent sure that it'll get better. At least, it'd be naïve to say it'll only get better, all of the time. But... [ She shrugs. ] You're alive, right? Not everybody gets a second chance like that. I think, if it were me... I'd at least wanna give hope a try.

[ Ben blinks, surprised that she doesn't let him get away with it. Not because she seems morbidly interested, but because she is actually concerned. He's so used to being the one who doesn't let other people deflect, who is giving the pep talks.

He drops his gaze immediately when she says he's been through a lot, like the sleeves of his hoodie are suddenly the most interesting thing in the world and he has to stare at them, rub them between thumb and forefinger; the fray in the cuff makes it clear this is a longstanding nervous habit.

She shouldn't be saying all this. Should be scolding him for being afraid of good things. It makes him ridiculous, and he knows it, and he dislikes himself so acutely at that moment for it. What kind of person feels relieved when they hear it's not going to be all good, all the time?

He waits until she is done speaking, silent, head slightly bowed. His eyes stray over to that last card. Destiny. He finds his words again: ]

I just. Don't get why I get a second chance. Not. Other people, who deserve it more.

[ Boy howdy there's a lot to unpack there. Ben is thinking specifically of Dave. Dave, who he doesn't even fucking know, really, but who he'd heard so much about from Klaus. Who might have been a soldier, but had never been a killer the way Ben had been since he was just a kid. If Dave had showed up here, mysteriously alive again, how much better would Klaus be doing?

He reaches out and takes that last card, plucking it up delicately and looking at it, as if there will be more answers inside. So much for this reading being a fun distraction to take his mind off his gloom.... ]

You're right. I know that. I owe it to... whatever brought me here to try.

[ He exhales, finally looking back up, an apologetic half-smile quirking his mouth. ]

Sorry. I - we barely know each other and I'm unloading all this gloom on you, and the truth is... I can't even remember your name from the last time we met.

[ Ah... survivor's guilt, then? Or... what is it called if you also don't survive? Maybe that's just regular guilt. Ben's situation is certainly unique, but she can empathize, at least.

She's glad he seems willing to give it a try, though. Tarot may not actually have any mystical properties, but it's a lens through which you can view your own experiences, and focus your actions going forward. Hopefully he's at least found it helpful.

And while she's a little surprised at his apology, after a second she laughs. ]

Haha! That's okay, it happens! I'm Ami. Don't worry about it, though - sometimes you just need to vent, you know?

Ami! I knew that.

[ He absolutely did not know that, and his tone of voice makes it clear that this is a joke, that he's pretending to cover for his faulty memory. Because even if she is right and everyone needs to vent now and then, Ben's not exactly good at it, or even practiced. Certainly not with anyone who isn't Klaus.

(Although... uncomfortable as the last few moments have been, he feels... a little better now, than when he had first sat down. A little less burdened. Maybe there's something to be said for the whole talking it out thing.

Ben nods to the cards and comments: ]

I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but that was, like, scary accurate. Is it always like that?

Sometimes!

[ Mainly when it's narratively convenient! She takes back the three cards and returns them to the deck, then begins to shuffle it. ]

Personally, I think there's a little grain of truth in every card. Different arcana will resonate with you more strongly at different times, sure, but any reading will tell you something about your life. Think of the cards as sort of... windows to your inner self. Or something that means the same thing but sounds less cheesy.

So it's not so much about what you see, but why you see it. If that makes sense.

[ Ben believes her, and he knows that perspective can do a lot, add a narrative to things which objectively are pretty random. Still, that reading... perhaps he would be less surprised if he had had other readings done to compare it to, but as is, he's a little unwilling to believe it was entirely randomness and then his own interpretation fitting it to his life. Not those first and second cards, anyway.

As she's shuffling, he asks: ] So, how did you get into tarot?

Umm... [ She turns her eyes upward for a second, thinking. ] I guess it was when I first started hanging out with the goths at the mall, a couple years ago? This older girl, Nancy, taught me how to do it. She taught me a lot of this occult stuff, actually. But she takes it way more seriously than me. Nowadays she's huge into crystals and stuff, and like... even I know those are a scam.

Edited (the cardinal sin: same icon two tags in a row!!!) 2019-09-15 10:51 (UTC)

Yeeeaaaahhh.

[ And this small story - about her friends back home, the way they shared interests and shaped one another, is enough to draw a little smile out of Ben. He had never lived a life like that, but he's glad that Ami had. It sounds so normal. So nice. ]

I mean, I told you I have a brother who can talk to ghosts, and I've got another who can time travel and another who lived on the moon for a while, so I'm willing to believe in some crazy stuff. But crystals are definitely bullshit.

[ Then, impulsively: ]

Do you think you could teach me? After you do your reading for yourself? I mean, if you want...

Sure, why not! That sounds like fun. But in return you have to tell me more about time travel bro and moon bro, okay? Because those both sound pretty wild!

[ And aside from computers, her life is, and has always been, super bland by comparison. She is sure she will continue to believe that indefinitely, barring some life-changing revelation within the next five minutes.

With the shuffling completed, she goes ahead and deals the three cards for her own spread. Ready? ]

[ His smile is wider when she asks that, a little of that warmth and happiness that she'd seen in him the first time they met shining in through the gloom. ]

Sure, I'd be happy to. I've got brother stories for days. And sister stories. I mean one of my sisters is a celebrity who can mind control people. Wild is pretty much the baseline I'm used to.

[ God, he misses Allison.

Ben settles in, watching the easy way she handles the cards and lays them out. He looks up at her as she's about to flip them over, wants to see her initial reactions to what they are before he looks down at the cards themselves. ]

Wow, yeah, I bet! Haha...

[ Mind control, too?? Geez, his family sounds incredible. But in the meantime, let's tarot! She takes a moment to center herself or whatever, then goes to the card on her left...

... but hesitates. Reconsiders for a moment, and flips the middle card instead.

A woman sits beneath a hand in a broken crescent. Water pours gently from the darkness. She reaches down to a shallow bowl of water, not quite touching the surface. She wears a ring, and so does the hand above her... oh, because they're the same hand! It's a detail Ami hasn't noticed before. Intriguing...

But the card's meaning is pretty spot-on, and her voice is quieter, thoughtful. ]

The Moon. Fear, anxiety, the subconscious mind. [ She pauses before adding: ] ... Repressed memories.

[ Ben watches as Ami switches things up, changing her mind before she flips the card that, Ben had learned during his own reading, represents the past. She goes for the present instead, which is sort of a strange move, and Ben is of course immediately curious why she would do that. It didn't seem like this is the way she always does it, but a decision made at the last moment. And, thus, presumably for a reason. Whatever that reason is, she's not offering it to him unprompted.

And when she gives her explanation of the card, the words seem... laden. There's no surprise or amusement there, like she has gotten a card that completely doesn't fit at all. So, does that mean that it does suit her situation? Not just obliquely, with a lot of thinking it through and explaining? ]

My other sister had a whole thing with repressed memories. [ Which is Ben's way of prompting Ami for more information, or at least to say something. ] That's less of a fun story to share, though.

[ He looks between that moon card and Ami's face, head tilted to the side, interest and concern playing across his expression in equal measure. ]

Seems like... not the happiest card to get, for what's going on in your life right now?

[ Wow. You know, I'm sure one day we'll find something about the Hargreeveses that doesn't directly apply to Ami and/or Aradia's experiences. She sighs and scratches her neck a little. ]

... Yeah, it's not the happiest card. I mean ... I'm not actively unhappy or anything, but I have had a lot on my mind lately. That's why I decided to do this in the first place.

[ Part of it goes without saying; getting trapped on an alien hellplanet does have a way of upsetting your proverbial applecart. It sure didn't remove any fear and uncertainty from her life. But that's not all there is to it. ]

A couple weeks ago, there was... I talked to this weird guy, and... it made me realize there was something super important I'd forgotten. But I've been thinking and thinking and I just - I can't figure it out. I can't remember. And I feel like... I have to remember. Even if it's nothing good.

[ Which she's fairly certain it is. There's a strong chance she'd be happier not knowing. But it's not mere curiosity driving her, not this time. ]

Edited 2019-09-18 19:51 (UTC)

[ ~~There are just so many of them.~~

Ben listens, thinking that "not actively unhappy" is damning with faint praise when it comes to how Ami is doing at the moment. But he doesn't interrupt her, listening as she explains a precipitating event that seems to have led to her current situation. A small furrow forms between Ben's brows. He has read a lot, but nothing much about missing memories or the workings of the human brain. He knows how amnesia and repressed memories and all those things tend to work in novels, but that's not necessarily anything like the truth. ]

That would freak me out. Not knowing. I don't blame you for wanting to find out.

[ He thinks, privately, that there is no 'if' about it - whatever Ami's repressed in her brain can't be anything good, or why would her mind be defending itself from it, or why would anyone want to keep it from her, if there had been an outside influence.

Considering his words a few moments, he asks: ]

Are there any - conditions that make you feel close to remembering? Like, I mean, being in the dark or smelling ... apricots or anything like that? Sensory stuff that might give you a nudge?

[ Hey if something as small as a particular scent or sound is enough to trigger a vivid and terrible flashback (which Ben definitely knows it is), maybe it would be enough to help Ami get access to whatever her brain is hiding from her. ]

Edited 2019-09-18 20:10 (UTC)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject