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redshiftlogs2019-09-04 09:06 pm
modblob) wrote in redshiftlogs2019-09-04 09:06 pm
Entry tags:
- !mod post: intro mingle,
- dragon age: cole,
- irredeemable: qubit,
- mcu: loki,
- mcu: peter parker,
- original: carlisle longinmouth,
- original: rey,
- poison: poison,
- red dead redemption: kieran duffy,
- samurai jack: scaramouche,
- ssss: onni hotakainen,
- ssss: reynir arnason,
- umbrella academy: ben hargreeves,
- umbrella academy: klaus hargreeves,
- warm bodies: julie grigio
september 2019. welcome to the void.
Who: Everyone in Anchor.
What: Third Introductory Mingle
When: The Month of September 2019
Where: Around and outside the city.
Warnings: Please add any warnings in the subject lines.
What: Third Introductory Mingle
When: The Month of September 2019
Where: Around and outside the city.
Warnings: Please add any warnings in the subject lines.
Redshift: Welcome to the v͖͕̺̲̘̱̜͎o̴̦̣̠̦̘̹͞i̯̖d̛̪̬͈̱̦̝͍̕.
Click here to read what characters will experience when arriving in Anchor.
a. turrets.
That power surge kicked off some sh... stuff, all right. It took a while for the systems to cycle back on, but two new areas of Anchor are now accessible and usable. One of them is nice and relaxing and safe, and we'll get to that one in a minute. The other one, addressed first, is not very nice and not very relaxing and definitely not safe.
The internal defense systems on the upper levels have come to life, and have targeted anyone within their range as a hostile entity. Get ready to run the gauntlet if you want to turn them off - you'll have to dodge lasers, bullets, and aggressive defense bots (that can be rewired and/or rebooted to assist characters instead of trying to murder them). The reward? Getting to the heavily protected (think many many murderbots and lasers) security control room. If you can make it, you'll be able to reboot the internal defenses, turning off the aggressive targeting and having access for the first time to surveillance of almost all of Anchor. Those areas your characters didn't know were there? Revealed. Those dense patches of jungle-like growth in the agricultural center? You've got a spotlight into their heart.
Though, huh, not all the cameras seem to be working. What's with those screens that show up from time to time that are nothing but static?
Oh well, doesn't really matter, does it?
The internal defense systems on the upper levels have come to life, and have targeted anyone within their range as a hostile entity. Get ready to run the gauntlet if you want to turn them off - you'll have to dodge lasers, bullets, and aggressive defense bots (that can be rewired and/or rebooted to assist characters instead of trying to murder them). The reward? Getting to the heavily protected (think many many murderbots and lasers) security control room. If you can make it, you'll be able to reboot the internal defenses, turning off the aggressive targeting and having access for the first time to surveillance of almost all of Anchor. Those areas your characters didn't know were there? Revealed. Those dense patches of jungle-like growth in the agricultural center? You've got a spotlight into their heart.
Though, huh, not all the cameras seem to be working. What's with those screens that show up from time to time that are nothing but static?
Oh well, doesn't really matter, does it?
b. hot springs episode.
One of the areas adjacent to the bar and intimacy lounge has been sputtering on and off ever since the power surge. One evening, with a loud crack and a humming sound that slowly dissipates, the lights come on and water starts flowing down the artificial waterfall into the fountain out front. The spa is back online!
The lobby is inviting and zen, with holographic walls that depict scenic locations (some of them very unlike Earth), with fountains splashing delicately on either side of the door. The attendants are slightly malfunctioning bots, but the most harm they'll do is bring you six towels when you ask for one, or a bucket of massage oil to work on those knots in your back with.
There are three areas in the spa, each of them fully-outfitted with towels, robes of all sizes, fuzzy slippers, the works. One has all the amenities of a Turkish bath, right down to the fantastically arched roofs and mosaics of Istanbul. One is designed not unlike a Japanese hot spring, though the spring is heated artificially rather than naturally. The springs are large enough to be communal in some areas and small enough to be private in others, varying in depth from deep enough to swim on one end and shallow enough to sit on the bottom on the other. All hot springs have a stone shelf around the edges where those who don't want to swim can sit. The last area is more Western, with steam rooms, saunas, massage tables, and mud baths for the adventurous.
One thing all of these areas have in common: the settings on virtually everything can be adjusted to taste. Not in the traditional way, either. The steams and waters can be tweaked to be soporific, can serve as muscle relaxants, can ease anxiety, and can even bolster moods. None of these effects are involuntary, and none of them are brought on by drugs - it's more an advanced mix of pheromones and harmless compounds that can affect a single person or a given pool or room. Also, the baths and hot springs have adjustable bubble settings. The water colors can change, some of them even allowing characters to dye their hair the color that's been selected for the tub without staining their skin. Bubbles of all kinds can rise up out of the water, from the foamy comfort of childhood bubble baths to hovering golden bubbles that chime when you pop them. Characters can choose from a variety of bath salts, scents, and oils - the spas were designed not just for relaxation, but for pure and simple fun.
The lobby is inviting and zen, with holographic walls that depict scenic locations (some of them very unlike Earth), with fountains splashing delicately on either side of the door. The attendants are slightly malfunctioning bots, but the most harm they'll do is bring you six towels when you ask for one, or a bucket of massage oil to work on those knots in your back with.
There are three areas in the spa, each of them fully-outfitted with towels, robes of all sizes, fuzzy slippers, the works. One has all the amenities of a Turkish bath, right down to the fantastically arched roofs and mosaics of Istanbul. One is designed not unlike a Japanese hot spring, though the spring is heated artificially rather than naturally. The springs are large enough to be communal in some areas and small enough to be private in others, varying in depth from deep enough to swim on one end and shallow enough to sit on the bottom on the other. All hot springs have a stone shelf around the edges where those who don't want to swim can sit. The last area is more Western, with steam rooms, saunas, massage tables, and mud baths for the adventurous.
One thing all of these areas have in common: the settings on virtually everything can be adjusted to taste. Not in the traditional way, either. The steams and waters can be tweaked to be soporific, can serve as muscle relaxants, can ease anxiety, and can even bolster moods. None of these effects are involuntary, and none of them are brought on by drugs - it's more an advanced mix of pheromones and harmless compounds that can affect a single person or a given pool or room. Also, the baths and hot springs have adjustable bubble settings. The water colors can change, some of them even allowing characters to dye their hair the color that's been selected for the tub without staining their skin. Bubbles of all kinds can rise up out of the water, from the foamy comfort of childhood bubble baths to hovering golden bubbles that chime when you pop them. Characters can choose from a variety of bath salts, scents, and oils - the spas were designed not just for relaxation, but for pure and simple fun.
c. joe's dirt.
So you've survived the security malfunction. You've washed off the dirt and anxiety at the spa. But the newly reactivated security stations throughout Anchor have revealed something odd. There's a blip in the power systems in one area of the agricultural level, like something is siphoning off power from the main lines. Tracking down the source in the deep tangle of underbrush won't be easy, and there may be a few mutated, fanged, clawed cattle that maneuver shockingly well between the trees, but eventually you'll come to a breach in Anchor's wall. At first it just looks like a crack, but it's large enough to squeeze through and there's the darkness of an open space behind it. A tunnel, leading down into the earth outside, well below surface level and thus largely safe.
Wires run along the roof and floor, though the tunnel itself is dark. Walk long enough and you'll come to a wider space, open enough for two or three people to move around comfortably at the same time. It's still dark, lit only by screens that show the same security feeds that are available at the stations throughout the city. And others. Angles on the surface that show Anchor from a distance, and other visuals that don't show Anchor at all, trained instead on massive structures or formations or lakes out on the surface somewhere. But there's something more disturbing: there are cameras set to record some people's rooms. And the only rooms that are shown are occupied.
Someone has been here, recently enough to track where new people have moved in.
On the floor in one corner, there's a crumpled photograph of a man some might recognize as Creepy Joe, happy and whole, with a little girl sitting on his shoulder. It looks like it's been stamped into the dirt.
Wires run along the roof and floor, though the tunnel itself is dark. Walk long enough and you'll come to a wider space, open enough for two or three people to move around comfortably at the same time. It's still dark, lit only by screens that show the same security feeds that are available at the stations throughout the city. And others. Angles on the surface that show Anchor from a distance, and other visuals that don't show Anchor at all, trained instead on massive structures or formations or lakes out on the surface somewhere. But there's something more disturbing: there are cameras set to record some people's rooms. And the only rooms that are shown are occupied.
Someone has been here, recently enough to track where new people have moved in.
On the floor in one corner, there's a crumpled photograph of a man some might recognize as Creepy Joe, happy and whole, with a little girl sitting on his shoulder. It looks like it's been stamped into the dirt.
ben hargreeves | ota
D. WILDCARD
[D]
[But this was a place for new beginnings, despite the uncomfortable surroundings, and Kieran intended on taking advantage of every opportunity that presented itself. Whether it was to learn some sort of skill or to forge a friendship that would’ve been unheard of in a previous life, he’s determined to do something different, big or small. Preferably small… for now, anyway.]
[It’s that deep-rooted intention that brings him to Ben’s room…]
[…and it’s that even deeper-rooted cesspool of self-esteem issues that nearly convinces him to just leave.]
[Ben had been so kind to him the first time that they met. He had no reason to believe his new friend—one of quite a few he’d made amongst his fellow captives—would be bothered by following through with his offer, but it’s difficult to turn off that doubting voice needling him from the back of his mind.]
[Kieran stands there for another moment.]
[Then, in a burst of impulsive energy, he quickly knocks on the door. The cringe that follows is just as quick, but he’s already committed! No backing out now!]
I-It’s me!
no subject
He has also had the time to get ready for today. Teaching isn't something Ben's done before. But he at least knows that he is going to aim for as unlike Reginald as possible, and that will probably steer him in the right direction. He's got a few books he brought back from the library sitting on the little table in the quad, as well as some paper and a few odd pens he'd found here and there. ]
Kieran, come on in.
[ He nods the nervous-looking cowboy inside and shuts the door. Nodding in the direction they should go, Ben leads him in and takes a seat at the table. ]
I made coffee. It's not very good but it's the best I could find here.
[ And he picks up his own mug, more to give his hands something to do than anything else, and to make Kieran feel welcome to do the same. ]
I just want to say before we start... I've never taught anyone to read before or anything like that, so if I suck at it, that's on me, not on you, okay? But I'm gonna do my best.
no subject
[He nods then smiles sheepishly.]
Don't worry about it. Yer already doin' great just by offerin' to help.
[Back home, back then, it wasn't really that uncommon to not be able to read. It wasn't usually a matter of shame. But after seeing how much everyone here relies on text and how it's more likely for them to read than to have ever seen a horse... well...]
[Kieran's face flushes briefly.]
Th-Thanks, by the way. It means a lot.
no subject
[ Teaching isn't the only thing that Ben's not really familiar with. He's not... used to being appreciated like this. Things are always complicated with family, even when he does his best to help. They all take each other for granted in some ways. So Kieran's gratitude is... different. ]
I've been looking forward to this. A lot, actually.
[ He says it quietly, matter-of-factly. Just to let Kieran know this isn't some burden to him. It is something that's already made him happy, anticipating it. ]
Okay, so. First, I got you this.
[ He feels around in his pockets and pulls out a small notebook, with a pen tucked into the little leather strap holding it closed. ]
I figure, you speak English already. You know a lot of the words that are going to be on the page. It's just going to be matching shapes to all the sounds and meanings you know already. But if we come across a word you haven't heard before and don't know what it means, I want you to write it down here, the best you can, and then we'll add it to your vocabulary. That... sounds good, right?
[ It's a plan that might not work immediately until Kieran is a little more confident in his writing, but Ben thinks it will pay off in the long run. ]
no subject
[This gift. This gift from a friend who's happy to help him.]
[A corner of Kieran's mouth lifts in a small, hesitant smile.]
Yeah, yeah it does.
Thank you, Ben.
[Okay! Heartwarming moment needs to move on! There's work to be done!!!]
I-Is there anywhere you want me to sit?
no subject
He can tell that Kieran is eager, beneath that nervousness, and as soon as they're settled in at the table, he says: ]
I think it'll be a good idea to have a goal. Like, something you want to work towards. Maybe... writing a letter, or reading a particular book. Are there any, um, ones your friend back home who liked reading might have told you about, that you're interested in?
[ It would be something to pull samples from, and after all Ben wants to give Kieran a goal so he can have something, an end point that isn't just endless learning and struggling. He thinks that will help, maybe. ]
no subject
[He happily sits at the table with Ben and considers what he has to say.]
Well, my, uh, friend, she, uh, she really liked romance books, I think.
I dunno if I'd be ready for somethin' like that, so maybe writin' a letter? What d'you think?
no subject
Writing a letter's an awesome goal. We can work towards that.
[ He shifts his stuff around, pulls a little erasable whiteboard out from under a book and, after a moment more's searching, a pen to go with it. ]
Okay, so, let's start with the alphabet. Every word in English is some combination of 26 total letters. You just shuffle and combine those letters in different ways and get different words. So, see...
[ And on the whiteboard, in round and very neat handwriting, he writes out BEN and then, beneath it, KIERAN. Yes, he did have to look up how that name was spelled earlier. ]
So we've got my name here, Ben. There's only three letters to it, a B. [ And Ben circles the B. ] An E, and an N.
[ He circles each letter as he mentions it, and then holds the pen out for Kieran to take: ]
You've got a couple of those same letters in your own name, right? See the ones that look the same?
[ And he makes an encouraging little gesture, for Kieran to go ahead and be the one doing the circling, now. He does wish he could remember how Grace had done this. Wishes so badly he could just talk to her and ask for tips. But, of course, that's impossible, because back home he was dead and hadn't spoken to her since he was sixteen, and anyway, she is dead, now, too. There's no way she could have survived the house collapsing like that...
It's odd, the way that grief comes up out of nowhere, sudden and awful, but Ben shoves it away, because now is not the time. He'll just have to do his best on his own. ]
no subject
[He feels a little silly, holding this marker and circling letters. Like he's some little kid to be talked down to and treated like he doesn't know any better.]
[Except Ben isn't talking down at him. His calm voice is anything but patronizing. So Kieran takes a breath and swallows the pride that's gotten in his way so many times before, and landed him in this position, and circles away.]
L-Like that?
[He's gotten it right, at least. He doesn't know if he'd be able to deal with his own shame if he couldn't.]
no subject
[ Ben is encouraging, but not so overly so that Kieran will feel like he's being babied. Ben figures he and Kieran are probably close to the same age, and so he's just going to teach him the way he would want to be taught. He gestures for the pen back, pointing to the remaining letters as he says: ]
And so the ones that aren't shared are K, I, R, and A.
[ He uses the bottom half of the board to write out the whole alphabet from start to finish, in capital and lowercase letters. As he is writing, he talks: ]
One of the few tricky things about reading in English is that some letters make a handful of different sounds. Like the n at the end of Ben and Kieran is totally the same, right? But the e's sound totally different. Ben, Kieran. So it can be hard to guess how a word is spelled if you've only heard it, and hard to guess how a word should sound if you've only read it. Like, hard for anyone. There's still a ton of words I know from reading books that I'm almost positive I pronounce completely screwy. So just keep that in mind.
[ And then he runs Kieran through the alphabet, letter by letter. He had thought about this, about how much information he should and shouldn't give. He doesn't think it'll help all that much to explain what's a vowel and what isn't, to get into anything involving grammar just yet. People can only take in so much information at once and it's not like they are lacking for time.
He hands over the pen again to give Kieran a chance to try writing out the letters himself, underneath the ones that are already there. As he does, he says: ]
I don't know a whole lot about history. Public schools weren't really a thing at your time, right? In my time you have to send kids to school to learn this stuff, or prove you're teaching them at home. Like, legally, you gotta.
no subject
Okay, yeah. Thanks. I'll remember that.
[Then he repeats after Ben, low, under his breath. Some of these are familiar, remnants of a past where he'd tried to learn either on his own or via osmosis from others' studies, but he never made it too far in either of those directions. Whether it be from lack of motivation or lack of opportunity, he won't really say. As far as he's concerned, it doesn't really matter. Regardless of his reasons, he's still stuck in this position now, and it's time for him to grab the proverbial bull by the horns and do what he can to fix it. At least he's surrounded by kindness now, with people willing to help. It's amazing how what could be seen as a minor change can make all of the difference in the world.]
It ain't, uh, it ain't a matter of law where I'm from. They got schoolhouses, yeah, but you don't gotta go if yer parents need ya at home to work or if you don't have any parents to send ya.
[The latter is far too common in his day and age.]
[He's silent for a moment before he opens up again.]
I-In my case it was a mix of both. Me, my ma, and my pa, we were always on the move, headin' out west, so it wasn't practical fer me to go to school.
Then, uh, well they passed, and I didn't have anyone to send me. And goin' to school doesn't put a roof over yer head or food in yer belly.
no subject
Heading west. Strange to hear details from historical novels and old documentaries incorporated into someone's life story - someone who is sitting at this table with him, drinking coffee with him. A real and living human being, but also, someone who is the product of such a very different environment. Ben makes a soft hmm sound, resting his cheek against his hand, looking over at Kieran. ]
My dad didn't send any of us to school, either. Which is really really rare, like I said. He taught us all at home. Things he thought would be useful, for his plans. I was lucky that reading just happened to be one of those things. Otherwise, I never would have had the chance to learn, either.
[ It is... about as positive-to-neutral as Ben can be about his own education without flat-out lying. Because he doesn't really want to get into all of that awfulness now. Only to offer his own story of how he had learned and gotten here, so Kieran knows there's many different ways that people end up with knowledge like how to read. ]
Sounds to me like you had to grow up really fast.
[ He would like to hear more about it, but he doesn't want to push too hard too fast. The point is not his curiosity - though it is there - but to deal with any shame Kieran might be struggling with. That would only get in the way of him learning. Because of course he's going to make mistakes along the way and it will take time and Ben doesn't want him giving up because he feels like the whole thing is silly and too late. ]
I don't think there's anything wrong with learning something later you didn't have the chance to learn as a kid. I think it's a lot more common than people pretend. Some people never learn how to cook. Some people don't know how to manage money at all. And some people don't know how to read. That's just life. We're all trying to catch up in one way or another, and pretending we have the answers to everything.
[ And Ben gives Kieran another small, encouraging smile. ]
Now that we've got the letters down, we can start on some vocabulary...
[ His smile widens just a little as he erases what's on the board and writes out, again in that neat script: HORSE ]
no subject
[He doesn't have time to dwell on those thoughts. Not when Ben is sharing his, and when he's so gosh darn encouraging while doing so. Kieran returns the smile, genuinely, and then brings his attention back to the lesson.]
[Kieran narrows his eyes--he's seen the word plenty of times before, on the sides of stables and in general stores...]
[...annnnd that smile from just a few moments before turns into a full-fledged grin. Kieran chuckles.]
Horse!
[It almost feels like cheating, taking what he's already known, but at the same time, that's how you learn, right?]
Can I try writin' it?
no subject
Absolutely.
[ He hands over the pen, making an encouraging gesture for Kieran to write it out. And hey, he has some advantages, when it comes to learning to write letters - he's not a kid anymore, so he's better at the whole fine motor control thing. ]
Any other words you know already? I want to come up with a mental list.
no subject
[Kieran slowly copies each letter, doing his best to mimic the way that Ben originally wrote them. Fine motor control notwithstanding, it's its own kind of nervewracking as he tries to do things just
writeright.][His lines are shaky and not entirely even, but it's a decent start.]
I mean, uh, I don't really know what I know or what I don't know. But, uh, if ya write somethin' down and I know what it is already, I'll make sure to letcha know.
no subject
[ Of course Kieran is being much more slow and deliberate about it, but who cares? He doesn't specify which brother, either, or how just many brothers he has in the first place. The point is to be encouraging and drag his siblings a little too. ]
Alright, that's fair. We'll just figure out as we go.
[ And over the next few minutes, he takes Kieran through some basic vocabulary - the common pronouns, some basic verbs, a few nouns that are relevant in the Anchor. A few of them, Kieran recognizes, and others he doesn't. Once enough time has passed, Ben puts the cap back on the pen and says: ]
Okay. That's enough for a little bit, time to take a break. You want something to eat?
[ He knows that Kieran can't absorb everything all at once, that it's important to give him a little time to digest. Might as well spend that time, well, actually digesting. And besides... he wants to talk a bit more. Get to know this new friend of his.
As he's getting up to poke in the cupboards for food to share, he asks: ]
How's our glowing friend settling in, by the way?
[ Referring, of course, to the horse that had brought them together that very first time, that Kieran had said he would work with. ]
no subject
[When Ben calls the lesson, Kieran sits back in his chair, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands as if trying to reset them. His mind feels like it's full of bees, busy and buzzing around in his brain, making it hard to focus on anything other than the fact that food sounds wonderful right now.]
[So he nods when Ben asks if he'd like to share something, and then slowly clears off the table. A mindless task is a welcome distraction for his pent up nervous energy; a way to decompress after all that learning.]
[The same can be said with talking about something he already knows.]
Who, Eavan? She's doin' great! I think she'll be ready fer a real bridle soon. I gotta find some leather to scrap together a saddle fer her, though.
[Wait, that may need some explanation.]
When, uh, when you ride a horse, you should use a saddle instead of goin' bareback whenever you can. It's better fer the horse and the rider.
no subject
Then he mentions wanting to make a saddle, and needing leather for it, and it's like a lightbulb comes on over Ben's head. He whirls aronud. ]
Actually, hang on.
[ Ben's face lights up with a sudden smile, and he holds up a finger in a gesture that indicates Kieran should stay where he is and wait. Then he darts off, into the bedrooms of the little dorm-style suite. A few moments pass in silence and then Ben is returning triumphantly, brandishing a rather long leather skirt with a fringe. He holds it out to Kieran, clearly wanting him to take it. ]
I checked, it's real leather, not fake, and I know supplies and stuff can be hard to come by in this place. It's my brother's but he stole it from my sister and he never wears it anymore so he won't mind, trust me.
[ RIP Allison's skirt but it's gonna be... some part of a saddle, now. Ben doesn't know how saddles work but he helped?? Maybe?? ]
How come a saddle is better for the horse?
[ He can see how it would be more comfortable for a human but he doesn't get it vice versa. And he's been doing all the teaching, here. Nice to remind Kieran he's quite knowledgeable about a lot of stuff Ben doesn't know a single thing about. ]
no subject
Thanks! This is gonna help out a bunch. Should be enough leather here for the seat and the fenders. Maybe the stirrups, too.
[He folds the skirt up and places it on his lap, playing with the material to check for its pliability.]
The saddle helps make sure the rider doesn't bounce all over the horse's back. If yer not experienced enough, it's hard to stay in the center. Then yer weight can throw the horse off balance and it's a bad time fer both of ya.
[It's nice, honestly, to be able to talk about something that's old hat to him. Cathartic, even.]
Plus when yer ridin', yer usually doin' a lot of postin'--that's uh, that's a fancy way of sayin' bouncin' up and down along with the horse's stride. If yer doin' it right, then yer gonna make the ride a lot smoother. The saddle helps with that, too.
no subject
And Kieran's explanation makes sense, but just brings up a bunch of other questions, actually. ]
So when you ride a horse you're not just sitting there you're, like, moving?
[ Listen he's read a lot of old novels where people ride horses but that's about it when it comes to his knowledge. He's starting from pretty much zero, here. ]
Isn't that kind of tiring after a while?
[ Who would've thought!
Ben tips the fried eggs onto two plates and tosses a couple slices of bread into the pan to toast. Not the most efficient way but it is something. When he's pulled those out, he heads back to the table, setting a plate down in front of Kieran and one by his own chair. It's only another moment before he's grabbed them forks and he's sitting down again, asking: ]
You took care of horses, right? Back in your world? That was, like, your job?
[ Ben has to assume so, given Kieran's knowledge and the way he had handled Eavan when she was so scared. ]
no subject
Nah, you get used to it. It's good exercise, too!
[He chuckles, soft and warm, before falling to silence.]
[Ben's next questions prove to be a bit more difficult. Not because he doesn't know the answer--but because he knows that those are a bit more hard to swallow than some silly horse facts].
I, uh, y-yeah. I took care of horses. F-Fer a buncha different people. I worked in a stable when I was a kid, h-helped with the horses in the Army, but, uh, th-those jobs didn't last fer too long.
[ He doesn't want to risk losing a friend over what he's done in the past, but he also doesn't want to hide anything from someone who's been nothing but genuinely kind to him.]
[Even if it means losing said kindness, at least he can say he was honest.]
[The silence hangs for a few more moments, and then Kieran responds.]
I-It was outlaws, mostly. I, uh, I-I took care of horses fer the gangs I fell in with.
[Horses that were used to rob and kill folks. And, sometimes, he would help with that, too.]
no subject
But Ben's not really the interrupting type. So he is silent, waiting for Kieran to finish. And gradually it becomes clear to him, where that discomfort is coming from.
The actual revelation itself comes as a surprise. Kieran has struck him so far as such a gentle and nervous person. Ben knows, of course, that criminals come in all shapes and sizes, but he honestly just... didn't see it coming in this case. His surprise is clear, from the way his eyebrows raise, the quiet way he sets down his fork before taking a bite.
Gangs. Did that mean the same thing in Kieran's time, that it did in Ben's? He isn't afraid - that much is clear. Ben is perfectly capable of protecting himself. But he does seem uncomfortable. He's thinking about just how many robbers and murderers he had, himself, killed, when he was in the Academy. ]
...Oh.
[ No point in pretending he isn't surprised. That moment's passed; he hadn't found his poker face fast enough and now they're here. Ben looks over at Kieran, the shocked look on his face shifting into concern, and unease. ]
That's. I... wasn't expecting that. You don't... seem much like the other criminals I've met. How... did that happen, exactly?
[ He could be wrong, but just based on what Kieran's already told him about his life, and the way he acts, and the tone of his voice now as he's talking about this, Ben doesn't think it was his first choice. Maybe he hadn't had other options? Ben knows how circumstances can force people onto all kinds of paths. ]
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[It's a word that Kieran hadn't heard often, and one that cuts deep now that he has. He doesn't quite flinch, at least not visibly, but he's finding it tougher to make eye contact with Ben. Back then, in the Wild West, outlaws would paint their activities not as breaking the law, but as a great equalizer. In civilization, the rich and powerful made the rules and expected everyone else to follow them. Outside of those rules was where true freedom could be obtained. They answered to nobody except the occasional run-in with a lawman, but even then, loopholes and a basic understanding of your fellow man's weaknesses took care of that well enough.]
[But the reality was much different. Promises of freedom and living by your own rules were undermined by a different brand of social hierarchy and a different set of rules that tended to serve the meaner and bigger gangs out there. Kieran fell for those promises, kicked out of the opportunities (or lack thereof) that 'proper civilization' offered, and yearning for something more, something that could keep him alive and happy and free.]
[Throughout all his time in those gangs, he'd been one of those things consistently, and even that was something he barely managed.]
[So the word hurts, and so does the implication behind it, but it's not Ben's fault that it does, and it's not his fault that Kieran can't exactly explain why.]
I-It... I...
[He's told the story so many times before, but that had always been to other outlaws. To other people who'd done, at the very least, illegal things to survive. They couldn't judge him for his path. That made it easy.]
[Here, Kieran feels like he has to justify himself. At the same time, it's the first time he's ever had to try.]
[And the scariest part about it is that he's not sure if he can.]
A-A little while after my parents died, the stable I worked at kicked me out. After that, I joined the Army, and, uh, i-it didn't end well. Soon enough, I fell in with a gang of outlaws. Minded their horses. That gang got wiped out by an even bigger gang. The, uh, the O'Driscolls.
[He falls silent at the name. His throat closes up at the memories, and a hand instinctively rises up to rub at his neck. That's another conversation for later. Assuming his and Ben's friendship lasts through this one.]
I-I ran with them fer a few months, also takin' care of their horses. Sometimes runnin' stuff for 'em. Then, one day, one of their camps got attacked. I-I was supposed to be there, but C-Colm O'Driscoll--the leader--sent me out to do somethin' else. I got chased down by a feller named Arthur Morgan. He, uh, he ran with another gang led by Dutch van der Linde.
Th-The Van der Lindes and the O'Driscolls, they don't, uh, they don't like each other much. So that meant they didn't like me much, neither. So they, uh, they tied me to a post. A-And then they moved camps and tied me to a tree fer a couple more weeks. No food, uh, sometimes I got water.
That was a good time!
[IT WASN'T.]
Anyway, they did that until they could get some information about the O'Driscolls outta me. They, uh, they did. And then Arthur let me stay with 'em after I saved his life. I-I had to ask, of course, but it was better than bein' let loose ta fend fer myself.
[At least, that's what he thought at the time.]
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Then, the story gets worse. Ben keeps his reactions as minimal he can. He knows from experience that talking about fucked up shit that's happened to you can be harder when someone's reacting in large ways. But he covers his mouth with his hand, absently pressing hard in horror, as Kieran talks about being traded around between gangs, like he was some kind of property. He talks, jokes, about being tortured. He might not use that word, but Ben hears it clearly enough. Ben tries to stay stoic, and he only flinches once, when Kieran says they had starved him.
And then on top of all that, being made to ask permission, to stay with the people who tortured him? Ben doesn't even notice, as first one tear, and then another, spills down his cheeks. So much for not reacting...
He hadn't thought it would be a good story. But he had not been prepared at all for this, or worse, for the casual, offhand way Kieran talks about all that violence and humiliation, like it was acceptable.
When Ben finally speaks, his voice is thick with emotion: ]
Kieran, I... I don't know what to say.
[ And for a few moments, Ben really is speechless. It's impressive, in a distant sort of way ,that he can still be so stunned by the cruelty of the world. He thinks about Kieran, how he was with Eavan when she was so startled, the gentle way he'd spoken to her. Thinks about how shyly and gratefully he'd accepted the offer to teach him to read. And he thinks now about Kieran, tied up and delirious with hunger, shoved from bad situation to bad situation, just trying to survive.
Ben draws in a very shaky breath, swiping a fresh tear from his cheek as he leans back in his chair. ]
I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to - I shouldn't have asked you that. I... I didn't know.
[ Ben looks up and meets Kieran's eyes, finally, face apologetic and just... heartbroken, on Kieran's behalf. That he had had to live through such things. That he had been given so few options. Ben has no doubt about that, now. ]
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