redshiftlogs | walking on sunshine

WHO: Cole and anyone
WHAT: Catch all
WHEN: December-Jan?

NOTE: If you want a personal starter, hit me up and I'll do one.

Out and About

There's been a change in Cole. Unlike most changes to Cole, which involve his physical body looking more or less cadaverous depending on his current connection to the living world, this one incorporates more.

Yes, he's clearly in a good mood, because he looks bright and alive, there's colour to his skin and at times, he seems to almost glow with a warm, inner light that invokes feelings of cuddling small, fluffy baby animals and home baked goods being set on the table.

But the biggest difference is the fact that someone had convinced Cole to invest in some self care. His usually grubby skin is clean, pale but clean. His lank, darkened hair is washed and soft looking, a warm, light blonde that shines gold in certain lights.

He's wearing different clothes. It's just sweats and a tee and a hoodie that's too big for him, but it beats the worn, ragged leathers held together by optimism and old stains. He's barefoot most of the time, just as silent as ever but more surprising than bare feet is the bare head. His hat is not a permanent fixture.

He still wanders around like a lost soul, but he's a happy and clean lost soul now.

Monster Attack!

Animals love Cole. Tiny dragon lizards are no different and he talks away to them, letting them swarm over him and telling them all about the dragons of Thedas, giant, fearsome and terrifying things that Cole still speaks of with fondness.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Cole genuinely doesn't know. Genji's emotions and mind are just alien enough that he's skimming it rather than delving deep, his disconnect between action and outcome and ongoing action confusing for him.

"Everyone hurts. But a lot of people also love, feel relief, I can help. I can usually help. That's what Compassion is. Compassion is empathy, understanding and then trying to make it better without doing more harm if possible. Sometimes you can't. Sometimes all you can do is apologise, or let them know you tried and meant well but it went wrong. Sometimes, when you try and make it better, you make it worse and that feels awful for them and you, so you just apologise and listen again to what will help."

"That sounds nice, to be able to help people. That is why I joined Overwatch." He runs his fingers along the wings of one of the dragons, "We saved many people, sometimes the entire world. But I'm not sure that we helped them. Saving and helping are different things."

Maybe it was worth it. He made a difference in the world, but ... He sighs, plucking the dragon off his shoulder and putting it in his lap.

"Yes. They are."

Cole doesn't save people. He helps them. Sometimes, it's the same thing. Sometimes it's not.

"The world doesn't care one way or another about itself or what lives on it. It's a thing, and people speak of it like it's a person, but it's not. It changes and sometimes, what we call end, it never notices, because it continues on."

"I care. The world may not, but I do." He cares intensely, deeply, about all the people he's met. Both back home and here. It's the only thing that has kept him going through all the pain and misery of existence.

"If I could help everyone I would. But I don't think that's possible. And most would not accept my help anyway. People like other people. And I'm not much of a person anymore."

"People don't like other people. You're still a person, nothing that happened to you invalidates that, no one can take that from you unless you let them in your mind and soul. But, you're not necessarily a person that others like. That's completely different. I know you hurt, and have been hurt, but that doesn't mean you should hurt others. And if you don't know that you're hurting people... Maybe that's part of the problem."

Cole shrugs a little. "But, sometimes it's easier to say 'I'm not a person', because being a person is hard. I know. I have to work at it. I'm going to go find Ben now, because I'm really uncomfortable."

He nods, clutching one of the little dragons to his chest, listening to the tiny rumble it makes echo against the metal of his armor. As soon as it moves to get out of his grasp he lets it go, letting it crawl up him to sit on his head.

"Okay. Ben is very kind, he's a good person." The kind of person Genji wishes he was. "You told me once I make everything worse. That I make things sharp and shattered and painful. I think you're right."

He stays right where he is, eyes locked on the ground. Cole should go find Ben, he'd be able to smooth over this uncomfortable and confusing conversation. Genji will just stay here and think about everything he's done in his whole life.

He apparently hurt someone he barely even remembers existing? Wouldn't even recognize her if he saw her again.

Still, he can't figure out what he did wrong.

Just like everything else.

"I was angry and scared and hurt. And if you don't want to do that- You need to look at why you do and what you need to change." You don't have to keep being the same person. You can take steps to change yourself in ways you like. And it's frightening and hard and worth it."

Cole keeps walking after that. He can give certain types of help to people. He can care. But he can't fix everything.

walking on sunshine | open

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