Gokudera Hayato | 獄寺 隼人 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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redshiftlogs2020-09-09 06:34 pm
bakudan_bambino) wrote in redshiftlogs2020-09-09 06:34 pm
[CLOSED] I Will Surround You and Give Life to a World
Who: Hayato Gokudera('s interactive memories) and Takeshi Yamamoto
What: Yamamoto goes to the VR room to relive some happy memories from the Daisy Darling
When: Sometime after the zombie hoard is wiped out (VR sounds like a bad idea DURING zombie time)
Where: The VR room (one of them. whichever fits)
Warnings: Character death; mentions of past underage sexual slavery; anything nsfw is going off comm
When Yamamoto first turns on the game he's set up, or tried out the cerebral interfacing to relive his memories, something will not work right. Maybe the interfacing is not working correctly because he didn't hook it up right. Maybe the collar he's wearing that once was connected to Gokudera is interrupting the program. It's projecting the memories it had contained of the pet it held captive and his owner.
Either way, when the game starts, the swordsman will find himself standing in a dark room. White text floats before him, reading out the motion controls, giving him a tutorial on how to interact, and a light comes on a few feet away as an overhead lamp. It lights up a mahogany storage piano bench with silver, cream, and red embroidered upholstery for a seat. Takeshi may be able to lift the seat to search for sheet music within, given that the hinges are clearly visible. However, there is a lock.
In order to open it, there is an on-screen command to scan his thumbprint on his "pet ring". If anyone else were to try to bring the collar in and access the bomber's old memories, they would also have to scan their thumbprint. Possibly to unlock their memories with him. There is no other information, just the command for Takeshi to follow. And once he does, the lock will noisily unlatch.
The bench will open to show an assortment of items. Only some can be interacted with, picked up and displaying the option to "visit". Some items do not, though there is clearly more to be revealed. Simply put, Yamamoto must start at an introductory level in order to progress in the game that is Gokudera's memories. There is a futuristic pistol, a lei, a capped syringe, and an orange. In this currently playthrough, only the lei and pistol are accessible. Yamamoto can pick each up, turn it around, zoom in with his handheld controls, and place it back down. There are even some items that could be interactive, but he'd have to clear more to get to them.
What: Yamamoto goes to the VR room to relive some happy memories from the Daisy Darling
When: Sometime after the zombie hoard is wiped out (VR sounds like a bad idea DURING zombie time)
Where: The VR room (one of them. whichever fits)
Warnings: Character death; mentions of past underage sexual slavery; anything nsfw is going off comm
When Yamamoto first turns on the game he's set up, or tried out the cerebral interfacing to relive his memories, something will not work right. Maybe the interfacing is not working correctly because he didn't hook it up right. Maybe the collar he's wearing that once was connected to Gokudera is interrupting the program. It's projecting the memories it had contained of the pet it held captive and his owner.
Either way, when the game starts, the swordsman will find himself standing in a dark room. White text floats before him, reading out the motion controls, giving him a tutorial on how to interact, and a light comes on a few feet away as an overhead lamp. It lights up a mahogany storage piano bench with silver, cream, and red embroidered upholstery for a seat. Takeshi may be able to lift the seat to search for sheet music within, given that the hinges are clearly visible. However, there is a lock.
In order to open it, there is an on-screen command to scan his thumbprint on his "pet ring". If anyone else were to try to bring the collar in and access the bomber's old memories, they would also have to scan their thumbprint. Possibly to unlock their memories with him. There is no other information, just the command for Takeshi to follow. And once he does, the lock will noisily unlatch.
The bench will open to show an assortment of items. Only some can be interacted with, picked up and displaying the option to "visit". Some items do not, though there is clearly more to be revealed. Simply put, Yamamoto must start at an introductory level in order to progress in the game that is Gokudera's memories. There is a futuristic pistol, a lei, a capped syringe, and an orange. In this currently playthrough, only the lei and pistol are accessible. Yamamoto can pick each up, turn it around, zoom in with his handheld controls, and place it back down. There are even some items that could be interactive, but he'd have to clear more to get to them.
no subject
"O-okay." The word chokes him because he knows, from being on Anchor that he does leave again and here he is in his grief desperately begging Hayato to stay, when he knows that time and again he is the one who has left and even this last time, it was his fault. Hayato did not want to leave, he did not want to let go, he would have fought and if only Yamamoto had made it in time, he could be holding him in their bed back home.
Then he is holding him, his arms are automatic in the way they wrap around Hayato's waist, his eyes locked to green ones when foreheads touch. He loves him so desperately and misses him even more that he aches even for this, a simulation, yet it's a touch, its fingers in his hair that he knows and can feel ghosting against him back in Anchor even if it is not real.
"I will, I don't ever want anyone but you." The proud to be yours stings, because he knows it's not like in Anchor, there Hayato is his boyfriend, some part of him knows, here Hayato still thinks in terms of owner and pet and he can never see them like that, they are partners, equals, no matter what this world says and he nods to the rest of it. However, he will never forgive Tsuna in a small part of his heart if when this memory continues his friend agreed to Hayato leaving. He should know, no matter what Yamamoto will protect both of them. For the moment he has to collect himself, remember to follow along with the scenario or he could lose it all.
He has already lost it all, he's tired, grief-stricken body back in Anchor knows it because the moment Hayato moves and they no longer touch he is empty again except for the pain, the baseball player follows the bomber, he may not know where to go but the simulation will make sure the memory is followed closer than not and thus he'll end up where he did the first time, back on his floor? Sure, it's nicer than Anchor, but he misses their home.
CW: Underage nudity (it's bathtime, ok)
There is an option if he looks at Gokudera to hold him, another if he looks at the kitchen to make food, and he can explore. The memory would guide him towards the bathroom to draw a bath or get ointment, and Gokudera is simply stopped by a mirror in the master bedroom, shifting his collar to see how bad the bruises are on his neck. He can't let the Tenth take notice.
Clearly, mentally -Yamamoto will probably recognize the expression- the bomber is beating himself up. He shouldn't have gone off on his own. Getting up early and leaving Midas, shopping to get gifts for his owner and their boss... acting like he was happy did nothing more than draw misfortune and trouble. He's... destined to suffer.
aye aye captain~
It hurts but it also sparks something in the young man in Anchor, the apartments are open when Gokudera returns they'll find one and turn it into a real home, just the two of them because he has to come back, right? This can't be all he has left, memories of a time before he can remember.
It's not the memory but the bomber that drives him towards the bathroom, he's injured, sure he has had worse but that doesn't change the fact that he is exhausted and hurt and so Yamamoto heads toward the bathroom, following the memory and his own instinct for the first time.
Once there he is in a haze, torn between what is happening here and what he is feeling back in Anchor, where his real body sits in a chair, rigid, grief stricken, inside broken in what he is beginning to fear is beyond repair. If prompts appear he follows automatically, filling the tub and finding the ointment.
It's not fair, Yamamoto can not see any of this as fair, how can they live somewhere like this, a beautiful home and yet still, the world has to be harsh and to the person he loves. When the water finishes he turns it off and rather it's prompts or need he is drawn to where Gokudera is.
His hands close over the bomber's shoulders, still holding the ointment he leans in, pressing his face into the back of his boyfriend's head. He wants to tell him everything he feels inside, tell him what is really happening, about Anchor, how much they have there despite how little there actually is.
How happy they were. Free to love each other any way they wanted and no one judged, their friends, and those who knew them in the colony were happy for them.
"I got a bath ready..." He doesn't know what to do with himself, how to get through this because as much as he wants happiness for Hayato, he is learning that no matter what he does, he seems to fail at giving it to him every time.
no subject
Ever since then, no level on the EOS Tower owned by an Elite has ever been his home. There's no faith anyone that would want him would stay. But the bed he shares with Yamamoto is theirs. He doesn't need any materialistic comforts to communicate that this space can be his home as well.
If this version of Gokudera knew that his future would hold the swordsman in it, and that they could have a place, he'd be happy.
But as it is, he's focused in on how no matter what happens, it is his destiny to suffer and to bring pain to those around him.
"Thank you," He sighs at the hands on his shoulders, leans back some to be against the other boy. "I'm sorry... that you saw me like that." In need of help when they both know he could have taken down the Elite that hurt him.
no subject
He wants to promise it will all be okay, that no matter what they will be together and that even if he or he could say when because he knows, he leaves this world again they will find each other. And that in his heart, he will always love Hayato, no matter where they are or what they are doing.
When he leans back Yamamoto wraps around him, leaning he presses his nose against Hayato's cheek and for a moment he just holds him. In this simulation there are no tears, in Anchor they start anew, a ghost of that familiar caress felt even as he knows it's not real. I miss you....
He thinks it only to himself, instead here he follows what the scenario shows him, what his instincts say comes second. All he wants to do is be here, with Hayato as long as he can.
"Don't, please don't ever apologize for needing me..." Yes they both know he could have taken him. Though Hayato probably understands better why he didn't, Yamamoto knows enough to know that because of the caste, that it was impossible and that what he did was probably the worst thing he could have done.
"I've got some ointment that should help, let's take care of what we can." The rest will be there, right now he just wants to take care of Hayato, to wash away some of his pain, some of his struggle with the love he has for him, even if it's only for a few moments.
no subject
He thinks he grew up on this dying planet, and when he came of age, when the Tenth, Yamamoto, Ryohei, Chrome... all of them as young kids grew up, they left him. They became Elite, and he was left a mongrel on his own, and then they left the world entirely.
And now they're back and they don't remember what Gokudera thinks is the truth. He's been alone for six years, he believes.
"I'm sorry you had to see what this world is like"
And if he were still alive to tell him that now, he would. He does not want Takeshi to witness the kind of weak person he was before he came to Anchor.
"Alright." Gokudera turns gently, presses a soft kiss to his owner's chin, and then moves into the bathroom, shedding his clothes easily before climbing into the tub and relaxing.
"Don't tell the Tenth... I'll tell him everything. No need to worry him about something like this." And he points at his neck. As usual, Gokudera does not put himself first. What is most important is that Yamamoto and Tsuna do not get targeted by Elites, that the family stays safe. That Gokudera is viewed as the cause of the problem. NOT the Vongola. It's too important.
no subject
That once they are there, despite him not remembering they still find each other, still love each other. This hurts because it also makes him realize, from the first moment they were together on Anchor must have been so hard for Hayato, to see him every day, to be in such close proximity and not be able to hold him. Part of him now feels that ache as he lets the bomber step away.
"Don't be, I miss you needing me.." Crap, those are the wrong words, they probably won't even register in the program but they are the truth. He misses the way they needed each other, both leaning on the other in Anchor for strength.
The soft kiss closes his eyes for a moment, he wants him, it's not arousal, it's his heart and soul aching to be with Hayato again. To draw him baths, to watch as he reads through a book or intensely works on something, the way his brow creases. To see some of the strain of this place wash away.
Instead, all he can do is follow Hayato to the bath, for a moment his eyes harden. Yes, he loves Tsuna but the bomber has to stop always putting the other first, not that Yamamoto himself is not guilty of this but now, as much as he loves Tsuna, he loves Hayato tenfold and that means for him, he is the most important.
"He's going to worry, you know how he is but it'll be okay.." We can get through this together is what he thinks but he is too heartbroken to open that subject again, not now when he has the bomber here in front of him. Even if he knows that it won't matter what he says here and now, this will end the way he let it during the original memory. Instead, he opens the ointment. Maybe he can not change things, maybe he can not bring Hayato back, maybe this is all he has but at least, he has this.
Finally curving his lips into that patient smile of his, trying his best to act like himself even if at the moment Yamamoto back in Anchor is not sure who that is, too lost without the bomber to go on and process.
"It will all work out, we'll be together." Maybe it sounds like his usual optimism, except maybe there is conviction in it, he knows this is not their end and he knows, that at least for a moment in time, they were able to be really happy together.
Now all he can do is feel his grief and hope they can feel it again, while he lives within the memories stored in this collar, relives parts of their lives that he does not remember.
no subject
"It doesn't feel real. None of this does. Gyro is mad at me, too... doesn't believe I'm a native to this place. How is it so unbelievable? If this world could pull people from their homes, why can't this place create? It's not dead..." Everything around them, to Gokudera, is dead.
"The Tenth wants to change this world." Gokudera looks over at Yamamoto and he sits up. "I think it's impossible, but..." A heavy sigh. "He's the boss."
Gokudera looks at the ointment, closes his eyes and bows his head forward to allow the Elite to apply it.
"I just want to settle down... like this." Be together with the swordsman, live comfortably and not feel like he's just some burden to everyone.
no subject
He knows that Hayato has been here alone is not his fault, he knows that not all of it is real even here, there is something off about this entire place, coming at it from Anchor he can see the stark differences in the realness of that Dome and this place. Yet, it's all real to his boyfriend.
"You're not a native but I don't want to fight, even if this place isn't real, we are, that's all that matters." We're real, we will be together away from this hell we are in now. Someday in the future for this Hayato, he knows this is true but he does not know how to make him understand that. Too much fear at shorting out this memory, letting those soft charges he feels turn into something that takes away his only link to the bomber.
"You can tell him what you think, he'll listen." Or maybe Yamamoto can talk to him, of course not that he knows what he actually did here. But for him now, the one who has grown on Anchor since they arrived there would definitely go to Tsuna and try to stop the strain he is putting on Hayato.
He takes some of the ointment on his fingers, gently applying it, his heartbreaking in repeated waves as he takes in what Hayato suffered, what he could not protect him from. Yamamoto is grateful Hayato is leaning forward, he can not see the tears spring into his eyes. They were so close, almost there, sure Anchor was kind of desolate, but they wanted for nothing and they had a life, a good one.
"We will, I'll give you that one day, I swear." He means it, he'll fight every world there is, never stop reaching and trying to be with the bomber, no matter where life may take them.
no subject
"We won't. It doesn't matter, anyways," Whether he's native or not, he still feels longing. Even having his boss and Yamamoto with him, his attitude in regards to his own self worth is garbage. "You should just enjoy this life while you can." Because once Yamamoto grows old and grey, he won't be of any use to this world. They'll knock him down the same as Gokudera. At that point, they'll both be too old to fight back.
He sighs.
"Do you mean it?" Gokudera looks up and over at Yamamoto, and this is a totally unrelated question. "When you said it earlier.... that you love me?" He feels unworthy, and lifts a hand to touch at the back of Yamamoto's, green eyes shifting to look at his crying owner without judgement.
no subject
He's so lost here, even though they are together he does not see that same happiness he sees on Anchor, even with this they are still not free, he can only do what he is doing and ease what he can, he can not save Hayato, he is destined to always fail him. Or so it feels, if he comes back to Anchor or when he finds him again because Yamamoto believes he will, he will find some way to do what he should have all along, save him, not let him go, give him everything he has to the very last drop.
Why wasn't it me, why did it have to be him who suffered all this, the collar, the mongerl, and elite classes, why could it not have been Yamamoto who endured while Hayato had his freedom. "I don't need all of this as long as I have you." Labels don't matter to him, creature comforts don't matter to him, he wants a life they can enjoy not one he can enjoy while Hayato struggles within himself and within society.
Yamamoto's freezes, tears moving down his cheeks now as for a moment he can not speak, not so long ago Hayato did not have to ask him that, he knew in everything Yamamoto did that he was loved. He deserves to have that again and as he smiles at his boyfriend, the swordsman links his fingers through Hayato's, bringing the bomber's to his heart, flattening the palm there he looks him in the eye, much the way he whispered words of love to this same boy's heart, now he lets him feel the steady thrum of his own as he repeats those words. "With every thing I have I meant them, I love you and I'll only ever love you."
no subject
"I didn't mean to cause such a problem..." He says with a sigh. Gokudera may not be at fault for the problems this world has, but this specific issue is because he didn't know how to walk away from a fight.
"Mmmnn I'm not going anywhere." He says softly and smiles at Yamamoto and his kind words. There are no longer options available for the swordsman to pick. This memory is starting to fade. They are close, but this night, this memory is not one Gokudera held onto for any other reason than to hear that Yamamoto Takeshi loved him. That he saw worth in him, and was not like most Elites Gokudera had come to know.
no subject
He needs this young man more than he has ever needed anything and his body in Anchor sings to life with grief and pain the moment the memory begins to fade. Reality trying to fight it's way back in to remind him that what he has here in this simulation is temporary and will be taken away from him the same as his boyfriend.
"It's not your fault...." Not that it matters if he says it, he would never blame Hayato for not walking away from a fight, he knows how fierce he is and he knows the damage this world has done to him, he has been loving the aftermath back into happiness and now.
Now he's lost it.
"I'm lost without you, it should have been me." At that moment Yamamoto does not know if he says those words in the simulation or out loud in Anchor, it does not matter either way because the memory is fading and those are the words that are in this Yamamoto's heart. Hayato should never have had to suffer any of this, the world had done enough before this started and it continues to do more.
There may be tears streaming down his face but the eyes that hold Hayato till the last moment shine with love through their grief, he sees more than worth in Hayato Gokudera, he sees his heart, his soul, his life, his future. And without him, Yamamoto has lost them all.
When it fades back in Anchor he rips the VR equipment from his head, throwing it across the room as the pain takes over. He falls from the chair, down to his knees on the floor as silent sobs shake his shoulders. Fingers gripping into his knees, smearing the blood from them on his pants and he does not even notice, he is lost to the reality once more. Only now, he is in this reality having seen first hand what Amoi was, what Amoi did, and was to Hayato and he hates it, hates himself.
The zombies may be gone but it is a toss up of when he walks out of this room rather he will go to the base, curl into himself and fade away as he does now, unable to reach out to anyone through his grief or if he will head to the AZ, to the wilds there and seek out a creature or two to take some of his hatred out on.
As of this moment, till Hayato returns these are the only two things he has. Grief and rage, both of them consume him at a constant, steady pace and each day he breaks under them a little more.