[openish] where do you go with your broken heart in tow?

[benhargreeves]

Who: Ben + anyone
What: A catch-all
When: November through December
Where: Anywhere!

[ Poke me at platoapproved#9602 on discord or platoapproved on plurk to plot something, or feel free to leave a starter!]

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[There's not really much to do at this point, except keep his arm draped around Ben's shoulders and watch him while he sorts his shit out, wearing that expression that says he's probably thinking a whole lot of things in a really short amount of time. That part isn't really something Klaus can help with, not really. Ben's gotta get his own head around the big scary life changes that come with actually developing as a person.

Thankfully, Klaus has a whole hell of a lot of experience with those sorts of moments. He's had a lot of them, not just in Nam or at the end of the world, but in Hadriel and now Anchor. A lot has changed, and even if he'd never been the one to buy in to what Reggie taught them, Klaus still remembers all the emotions that came with the fuzzy, hazy time after he'd left when he stopped believing any of it and realized Reginald Hargreeves was just a sad neurotic cruel old man who shouldn't have been allowed to have children. And that he didn't know shit about the children he had.

Liberating. Terrifying. Remembering what it feels like means Klaus knows Ben probably just needs him to hang here and keep his arm around him and be with him and be on his side and listen while he talks about how happy he's been around Cole, that he doesn't mind Cole being a spirit but is worried about whether romance is a thing Cole wants at all. Klaus gets it. There are parallels in that to liking men and how dicey and dangerous it seems to change any friendship and take it to the next level like that. The fear of rejection and not being wanted, it suuuucks.]

I mean, yeah, yeah yeah I totally get that, but you can't just...hunker down and ignore all this stuff just because you're scared, right? Ben, you're alive, and Reggie's not here and you should live a little. You have to take a risk sometime, man.

[But he falls quiet again as Ben keeps going on, about being thirty and having his first crush and not realizing he has it and what if he hurts him and why is it so scary, and Klaus gets it. Oh god, he gets it. Klaus has been poison to everyone he touches for as long as he can remember, so he knows how it feels.]

Okay, circling back around to that whole 'it's not like we're normal' thing. I mean, dad had you convinced you were...you know. When you're not. At all. And we were like, totally isolated from everyone for a really long time, and then you were dead for another really long time. I think maaaaybe you have an excuse or two for not having a crush til now, so don't beat yourself up over that.

[A shrug, and he glances over at Ben.]

I mean, that's the rub, or whatever they say in Shakespeare, right? Any relationship is gonna be like that. Someone's gonna hurt someone, and then if it's a good relationship they figure their shit out and get on with it. It's all that risks versus rewards shit, you know?

[He rubs Ben's back, between his shoulder blades, smiling over at him, tired and fond.]

But, I mean, out of all of us you've always been the diplomatic one. Pretty sure you can handle this, and I'm pretty sure that things are gonna work out just fine. And hey...I'm always going to be here, no matter what.

[benhargreeves]

[ Ben is grateful for it in ways he wouldn't even know how to start putting into words, that Klaus stays with him, near and quiet and listening. Everything that he says back, too, comes from a place of knowing Ben so well, understanding him and his fears and what he needs to hear.

Ben's really glad he has a brother like Klaus, right now.

Klaus does know him too well - that impulse in him to hide, to ignore the things that frighten him and hope they merely go away. Ben feels a twinge of guilt when he tells him not to do that which, yeah, Ben might have otherwise been tempted to do. And Klaus is right, too, about why Ben is on a different timeline than most people.

Until, that is, they get to the last part. And all Klaus's advice is sound, and good - probably being with Dave had taught him that. But he's missed the mark. Ben curls forward, running hands through his hair, fingernails digging into the back of his neck, his distress eloquent even without him saying a word. ]

No, I mean-

[ It's a conundrum, because Klaus is the person Ben is closest to in the world, but also, he's his sibling. Not that that had ever stopped Klaus from being perfectly blunt about his own sex life, but it's another matter, for Ben. Still he manages: ]

You know I haven't. Been with anybody. What if - he is into me, and things get- y'know, and we're- and something goes wrong, and I. Hurt him.

[ Ben presses a hand into his stomach, over the portal. If Ben were thinking more clearly, he would remember that Cole has been able to communicate with the creatures on the other side of the portal, is on good terms with them. He would recognize this as an irrational fear. But it's an old irrational fear, stuck deep in his mind like a splinter. This is new territory. What if it turns out he's a monster after all, and this is the way he finally finds that out for sure?

He turns, meeting Klaus's gaze, eyes wet with tears that he's stubbornly managing not to shed - but only just. Reggie might not be here, like Klaus had said - but in a way, he still is. The echoes of him are there in Ben's mind, telling him he is a nauseating, unnatural creature that doesn't deserve happiness. ]