[openish] where do you go with your broken heart in tow?

[benhargreeves]

Who: Ben + anyone
What: A catch-all
When: November through December
Where: Anywhere!

[ Poke me at platoapproved#9602 on discord or platoapproved on plurk to plot something, or feel free to leave a starter!]

Comments

for cole

[benhargreeves]

[ Ben has had a rough few weeks of it. So many stressful things have happened. Getting swept away to that awful dungeon with Cole. Kieran being blinded and those horrific monsters he'd had to fight off. Klaus getting so sick and being so Klaus about it...

It's no wonder, really, that he's having nightmares. He wakes up from a particularly bad one, body quaking with terror, sweaty and overheated. Ben sits there for a few moments, face pressed into his hands, just trying to calm down, to remind himself that it hadn't been real. But even if it was just a dream, he feels queasy and awful and he can't just sit there any longer.

He makes a snap decision, propelling himself out of the bedroom, pausing only long enough to pull on a hoodie and shove his feet into some shoes. He's never really been to the hot springs and sauna, before, despite all the good things he'd heard. Ben can be wary of new experiences, and he's not exactly the least modest person in this place. But surely, no one will be there, now. He could wash away the lingering wretchedness from that nightmare without being disturbed.

It is so quiet, at this time of night. Most of the robots are still off at the medbay, dealing with the outbreak. At first the quiet is welcome, but then it starts pressing in on Ben. In the hush of just past two in the morning, he feels like he's the only person in this place.

He feels like a ghost again. The way he had been in that nightmare, helpless and insubstantial as the people he cares about were torn apart by some kind of living darkness. Ben had tried to help them, to claw the stuff off them, but his hands passed through it. Somehow in the dream, they could still see him even though he was a ghost, and they'd all plead and sobbed and screamed and he'd failed them.

Ben shudders, reaching out and pressing his hand against a wall, reminding himself. He is alive. He's tangible. It had only been a dream.

But he wishes Klaus hadn't been gone from the quarters when he woke up. He wishes anyone were still awake, any of his friends, just so he could see them and know that they were still alive, that it was nothing more than his mind tormenting him for no particular reason. ]

[killedwithlove]

Ben is struggling and so Cole is there.

It's always hard to say how long Cole is there before he's noticed. It could be five seconds, it could be five hours. But when Ben touches the wall, there's a moment of a sense of peacefulness and then a pale hand coming to close on his gently, Cole materialising out of the shadows.

"You're still real," he promises. "We're both still real and you're not alone. You don't need to worry, he's safe, he doesn't need you right now."

[benhargreeves]

Ben sees movement out of the corner of his eye, first, a moment before he feels Cole's hand on his. There is a half-second of startled fear, until he recognizes Cole, and it evaporates at once. He lets out a relieved sigh. Most of the time, when Ben sees Cole unexpectedly, he feels a rush of contentment, of warm recognition and bright, almost bubbling happiness. It's become as predictable as clockwork, that distinctive response, every time. But this time, it's a little different.

"Cole."

He had been there, in the dream. Along with all the other people Ben cares most about. The last time Ben had seen that pale face, with his long fair hair and shadowed eyes, there had been blood pouring from his mouth, as he pleaded for Ben to rescue him, reached out for him with those pale hands, and Ben hadn't been able to get hold of him, hadn't been able to save him.

Ben lets out a shaky sigh, holding Cole's hand a bit tighter, trying to push those awful images out of his mind. Cole is here. That had only been a dream. And so the rest of them must be safe, and he's alive, and it's all okay.

[killedwithlove]

Cole smiles.

He lets their fingers slip together and holds on firmly, bringing Ben's hand to his chest. Despite all the inhumanity of Cole, there's a heartbeat, and his skin is comparatively warm, moving as he breathes.

"I'm safe. No blood." He pauses. "None that's mine, but I don't think I've been near anyone who was bleeding. And everyone else is okay, I promise. I'd be able to feel if they weren't, your care is enough for me to know them, and they're all asleep."

[benhargreeves]

Feeling Cole's heartbeat calms Ben down considerably. He takes his time, and Cole doesn't rush him, just focusing on the steady beat of it. Cole's hand in his is warm and solid and real.

It's been a while, since he had a dream that vivid, that lingered with him even after he woke up. It tapped so directly into so many of his worst fears. Being a ghost once more, the people he cares about being hurt, violence, failure, loss.

But Cole can feel that everyone is safe and Ben trusts Cole. So he exhales slowly, trying to push all that lingering worry out with it.

"Thank you."

Ben smiles back at Cole, a little and lopsided thing.

"Will you come with me? I mean, um - if you want to?"

Now that Cole's here, Ben wants him to stay very much, but he realizes halfway through the invitation that Cole might not want that. He might have only shown up because Ben was distressed, and now he might want to go back to whatever he was doing before, or maybe he hates the spa, or he could be getting tired of Ben always wanting to spend so much time with him...

[killedwithlove]

Cole places both hands over Ben's one, holding it to his chest (which is surprisingly muscled for such a beanpole).

"I've never been to the spa. I've seen hot springs, there were hot springs under Skyhold, the mountains bubbled with heat and the heat bubbled up through the waters." He's never been in hot water like that. There was never a reason.

"Yes. I'd like to come. Does it involve being undressed? Evangeline told me I wasn't to be around people who were undressing... or was it only if they don't know I'm there...?"

[benhargreeves]

"I haven't been to it, either. But people say it's nice."

He listens to Cole's description of the hot springs under Skyhold (which he remembers is some kind of fortress place and where Cole had lived when he was with the Inquisition), wondering whether it was a destination where people went to relax or whether it was some secret place that Cole had discovered. It sounds a little more like the latter, but who's to say?

Cole's question isn't a surprise, nor is what he says about Evangeline needing to tell him that people have boundaries when it comes to being undressed. Ben's used to it by now, that social customs aren't really something Cole grasps intuitively. He knows that other people might find it annoying or creepy. But as someone who's always felt a little uncomfortable and perplexed by what's normal, himself, he is just charmed.

"I thiiiiink she probably meant only if they don't know you're there. It's sort of something where you need to have permission, otherwise people get really upset."

So that Cole understands it's not just some arbitrary custom. Well, it is, but the result of that means potentially hurting people's feelings, and he knows Cole wouldn't want that. Then he laughs softly, shrugging and admitting:

"Some people are more self-conscious about nudity than other people. It's... kinda one of the reasons I um, haven't gone to the spa yet, but. I figure nobody's there this time of night and. I don't mind, if it's you."

[killedwithlove]

"I was in her room when she changed and found out later. I didn't know then that it would upset her. That people feel different about their outsides like that. I was very new to the world, even with Cole's memories, it was all jumbled and messy. And he only ever lived with his family."

He keeps hold of Ben's hand, nodding. "Then yes, I'd like to come with you. I can tell you about the hot springs under Skyhold if you like and I won't look at your outside when it's uncovered if you prefer."

[benhargreeves]

Ben has heard Cole talk about that time in his life before. How he didn't yet remember what he was and wasn't quite sure if he was dead or alive. Some of that confusion had apparently extended to human concepts like modesty and privacy, and the way that people's feelings about their bodies are often unpredictable and vulnerable and intense.

(He hopes that Evangeline wasn't too harsh with Cole when she found out about him being in her room like that. Ben would understand if she'd been angry, but all the same, of course Cole hadn't meant any harm by it.)

Cole doesn't show any signs of being about to let go of his hand, and the truth is, Ben doesn't want him to. It's good to have that pressure, that constant reminder of his solidity. He feels anchored, grounded. So he starts to walk once again in the direction of the spa, Cole's hand still in his.

"I'd love to hear about it. And, um." Ben takes a long moment, considering. Does he want to take Cole up on his offer? Would it make him feel more comfortable, or more embarrassed, ultimately? "...You. Don't have to do that. Thank you for offering, but. I meant it when I said... I don't mind if it's you."

Ben gives a little shrug. It's more clear now than ever that Cole isn't someone who looks at people's bodies with the same expectations and assessments and notions (be they conscious or unconscious) that most humans would. He does still feel a little uneasy, a little nervous. But it feels like the kind of uneasiness that it's good to push against. Ben knows that his comfort zone is very, very tiny, and the only way it's going to get any bigger is if he makes little efforts. Like not making his closest friend promise to look away when they go to the spa.

A little part of him is curious, though.

"So, are you really not... self-conscious about your outside, like, at all?"

The unintended benefit of this topic is that it's engrossing enough that the nightmare is starting to slip from Ben's mind, its influence dissolving away as curiosity pushes out the terror and guilt.

"Like, if you were in the park and there were a bunch of people, and... I don't know, a magician snapped his fingers and all your clothes disappeared, you wouldn't... mind?!"

for klaus

[benhargreeves]

[ As per usual before any kind of earth-shattering conversation, Ben's got no idea that tonight is any different from other nights. Allison is tucked away in her room for a quiet night (Ben knows that he and Klaus can be a bit much sometimes and she needs a little solitude to unwind), and he is just getting himself ready to head out. He and Cole have fallen into something of a routine, lately. Ben goes out to meet him in the evenings, and they go on walks together, or sit together in the park while Ben reads to him, or visit the spa if no one else seems like they're around.

They're friends. This is what friends do, right? They spend time together.

Ben isn't really aware of it. How often he's been bringing Cole's name up in conversation. How often the two of them are together. He'd never had friends before and now he has them - so many of them, and Cole just happens to be the one he's closest with, the one he thinks about the most, trusts the most...

And Ben just happens to be bringing Cole a little gift - a tiny sprout of a plant that Klaus had actually helped him to pick from the Agricultural area, that is supposed to not need any sun at all to survive. It's pretty dark in that store room where Cole stays, but Ben just thinks it would be nice, if he could have some nice things in it. HE JUST WANTS THINGS TO BE NICE FOR HIM. After all, Cole talks to trees, sometimes. So all in all, a perfect gift. Which is a normal thing to give a friend.

When his brother walks into the room, Ben looks up, smiling faintly. ]

Hey, Klaus. I'm heading out in a sec.

[substances]

[Now, Klaus isn't the most observant of brothers around, but this whole Ben-and-Cole thing is preeetty hard to miss. Especially when Klaus has been thinking about his own love life a lot lately, it's tough to miss how much time his brother has been spending out and about with Cole, how often he talks about him (and how lovingly he does it) and honestly? It's making Klaus pretty pleased.

Thing is, Ben hasn't exactly mentioned it out loud or anything. He's happier, sure, but he hasn't really talked about it, so Klaus hasn't brought it up since, coincidentally, he's also not the best communicator around. But it's been sitting in his head as a happy little fact for a while now, that Ben has someone. Someone to care about who cares about him, and it's good, it's exactly what Klaus wants for his brother, wants him to be happy and not think of himself as gross and generally just be comfortable in his own life.

So when Ben picks up that little potted plant Klaus had helped him pick out and says cheerfully (or, well, cheerfully for Ben) that he's going out in a sec, Klaus glances up from the book he's reading and waves.]

Great great, awesome, you off to hang out with the boyfriend?

[He doesn't even notice it slips out, that's how comfortable he is with the concept. Whoops?]

[benhargreeves]

[ Ben and Klaus joke, and they tease each other; it's just what they do. It's how they had survived together, even before Ben had died, even before Klaus's addiction had reared up and laid waste to his life. So Ben knows pretty well, by now, all the ways Klaus can sound when he is teasing, and the sorts of things he teases about.

Which is why it makes no sense, the way Klaus asks that question. Not like he's goading Ben, not even like it's just a bit of flourish and nonsense to make his brother smile and roll his eyes. It's so matter-of-fact. Klaus sounds quiet, distracted, happy. Like he might actually be confused about the situation.

Ben is quick to correct him, his tone of voice implying that what he's saying ought to be obvious: ]

Cole and I aren't dating. He's just a friend.

[ What really confuses Ben is how Klaus could think otherwise. Doesn't he know better? Has he even met Ben? Isn't it just a given, at this point, that that's not something he does. He's never had a boyfriend or girlfriend or anythingfriend and he's not going to. Ben has certainly been taking that as a given, for a very long time. It's one of the many reasons why he hasn't picked up on the obvious, in his own life.

But in the moment's silence after he makes that automatic denial, the tiniest, microscopic seed of doubt burrows its way into Ben's mind. He can feel it there, tiny but present. A small, shapeless, still voiceless questioning. It is so minuscule and fragile still that Ben doesn't touch it, pretends not to notice it. ]

[substances]

[Honestly, the assumption is so rooted in how Klaus thinks about Ben and Cole that he doesn't even realize he used that particular term until Ben says that he's not dating Cole and that they're just friends. Klaus blinks, looks up from his book again (he was barely reading it anyhow) and stares at Ben for a moment, green eyes wide.]

Oh. Really? Seriously? You're not? Sorry, sorry sorry I just thought, you know, you're always hanging out and stuff, and you talk about him all the time like...my bad, man. Sorry.

[A shrug, but he doesn't turn back to his book, he just keeps looking up at Ben, his brows furrowed in a slightly skeptical way.]

So you're giving him that plant we found? I mean, it'd work in his weird little storage space. No light required.

[benhargreeves]

[ Ben doesn't go back to getting ready to leave, either. He keeps looking at Klaus, trying to suss out how he could be so mistaken. He gives his reasons of course - them spending so much time together, how often Ben talks about him. And sure, okay, he can grant that. Maybe it has been a little disproportionate. But that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Does it? It's not just a sliding scale of amount of time spent together.

The thing is, he can tell Klaus is being genuine right now. And that throws everything in his mind into chaos and disorder. Ben tries to be someone who has a sense of what image of himself he's presenting to other people. He likes to curate it, hide the parts he doesn't want seen. Klaus has always been the first person, the only person for most of his life, that he let see any more. How could he had made such a fundamental mistake?]

We're not. I just- really like being around him, that's all. He gets me, you know? I don't have to - he just understands. He's not scared of me, not even a tiny little bit that he would never admit out loud. And... you know how he's been helping me try to- be more okay, with my powers. But that's not- we're- it's- yeah.

[ Ben notices in a distracted way that his heart is thumping faster and that a touch of unease has started to make itself known in his voice. Honestly he just needs to get this cleared up, the sooner the better, and decisively. ]

Yeah. That's what I was thinking, too. That it might make him happy having it there.

[ Cole had been so happy, the first time Ben had brought him a gift. Ben remembers so vividly the way he'd hugged that journal to his chest, beaming. How it had made him feel all fluttery inside, making Cole smile like that. And all the little things he'd found excuses to give him sense then.

Ben shoves his hands deep into his pockets, leaning back in his chair ]

I don't know why you thought that. I mean. It's me.

[ Ben says that as if it should be so obvious that he could never have a boyfriend. Did Klaus forget somehow that he's Ben Hargreeves, who has never had someone like that in his life, who'd given up on the possibility of ever having that. ]

[substances]

[Okay, Klaus isn't the most observant, but he knows his brother, and he knows that look. Ben is staring at him like he grew a second head, and Klaus just looks back at him like it's some kind of staring contest. Both of them are trying to figure out what the fuck is going on in the other person's head, Klaus can tell, and he's total shit at that.

At least Ben isn't going all cold and not talking about it, so Klaus just turns in his chair and leans his arms on the back of it and rests his chin on them, eyes big and with a bit of a pout to listen to Ben's explanation. All of which sounds like...]

So you guys like each other? And when I say like, I mean like-like.

[A momentary pause to waggle his brows.]

Because that sure sounds like two guys who totally like each other, not like, real good friends or whatever. I mean, I get it, I remember when I thought Julie was my really good friend who I spent a lot of time with who just got me and helped me deal with my issues and I loved her totally platonically like a friend and then whoops. Ding ding ding. Feelings.

[Lifting his chin, he frees up his hands so he can gesture broadly at nothing, indicating these invisible feelings.]

You want to make him happy, he wants to make you happy, your hangups and shit don't bother him. Sounds like a good thing to me.

[A shrug, and then he folds his arms again, rests his chin on them, and raises his brows and repeats Ben's words back to him with a hint of sarcasm.]

It's you. Poppycock. Why in the hell can't you have a boyfriend? You told me it was because of the...you know. Terrible powers thing. But you also literally just said he's not scared of you and doesn't mind them. So what's stopping you, bro?

[benhargreeves]

[ Ben's gut instinct is to just keep insisting no, no no no, Klaus has it all wrong, obviously he's wrong, why does he keep insisting when the very idea of it is so silly.

But he doesn't interrupt his brother, and very slowly it starts to sink in that maybe... the idea of it isn't completely 100% absurd and non-realistic. Klaus does know more about this sort of stuff than Ben does, by a mile. He'd figured his shit out way before Ben, even back when Ben was still alive the first time. And he'd had so many more years since then, being involved with people - bad relationships, good relationships, short relationships, and a few longer ones now, too. If anyone could recognize the line between friendship and something different, it would be Klaus, not Ben.

Klaus isn't wrong. Ben does want to make Cole happy. He thinks about it so frequently, and when he does manage it, there's nothing quite like it...

It doesn't feel like he feels when he makes Klaus or Allison laugh. It doesn't feel like it does when he makes Peter or Kieran or Pratt or Cho or Ami happy. It... feels different. More nervous, more charged, more...

Oh. ]

...Oh.

[ Ben swallows, eyes wide, hand coming up to cover his mouth in an unconscious gesture of surprise. Maybe it's not silly, at all. The thing is... maybe Klaus is the one who is completely right, after all. Maybe there isn't anything stopping him. Maybe he's been an idiot this whole time.

Ben just sits there for a moment, reeling as a series of different memories recontextualize themselves in his mind. Cole communicating through the portal that first time. Eating ice cream together after that awful day he'd discovered the hidden cameras. Reading to him at that stupid sap festival and then finding their way out of the Pit. The two of them playing in the hot springs, laughing together. Every time Cole had hugged him, for a long time. All the times they had held hands. How good it always felt, being around him. How safe. ]

I don't... I hadn't thought...

[ He just looks at Klaus, wide-eyed and lost, because this is uncharted territory, and it's good, he knows, but it's also actually rather terrifying. Ben had written all this off so long ago. Figured that he'd missed his chance, if that chance had ever existed. He hasn't put in the time figuring out who he might like and if he might like anyone and what he would want to do with them if he did and all of it is so huge and so important and so vulnerable and so unfamiliar.

His voice is tiny as he admits, voice even further muffled by his hand. ]

I... think maybe. You might. Be right.

[substances]

[It doesn't really click for Klaus that he's in full on 'giving advice' territory until Ben says 'oh' and covers his mouth with his eyes all wide like that, and then oh shit he is the last person who should be giving anyone advice about anything, including relationships and what to do if you like a guy.

What in the hell is he supposed to tell Ben if he starts asking about what to do if he likes a guy?? Shit shit shit...

He has a couple minutes to get his shit together, at least, because Ben is still processing the possibility that he might like a guy. Klaus furiously goes over all the stuff that had led up to him and Dave getting together, because the Julie thing has some parallels, but he still hasn't figured all that out completely. He's still draped against the back of the chair with his chin on his arms, watching as Ben processes and then finally says that Klaus might be right.]

Of course I am. I'm always right.

[It's jokey, in that affected voice he does when he's making light of something that's really not all that funny - he's not right about many things actually, and he knows it.]

I mean, I get it. I went a long time thinking I'd never be able to love someone, and then I thought I'd never love anyone else again ever, and then I did. Life is crazy, man.

[A beat.]

You okay? Do you wanna like, sit down or something?

for allison & cho

[benhargreeves]

Ben arrives first, to the place that Allison had specified - just an unused set of rooms in the living area. He and his sister had briefly discussed just doing their little makeover in their quarters, but the realistic likelihood that Klaus would be able to restrain himself from heckling (in a loving sort of way) seemed so low that this option was better. Besides, in a way it is neutral territory. A blank canvas, where Ben doesn't have all the trappings of his life and the person he thinks of himself as all around, making him hesitant of change.

He is nervous as he waits there for his sister and his friend to arrive. Ben has really very little experience having friends. It's something entirely new, the process of introducing a friend of his to a sibling, and introducing some of his family to one of his new friends. It doesn't help that he keeps thinking about the inequality of how much they will come in knowing about one another. He'd told Allison about the fact that Cho is a marine biologist, that they'd bonded over getting attacked by zombies, that her family were super rich and had a fish corporation (well he hadn't worded it quite like that). As for the other side, Ben had tried to do the same amount of giving basic biographical details: that Allison is a super-famous super-glamorous Hollywood actress, divorced with a daughter named Claire, and he'd of course warned Cho that Allison would be using her device to communicate while she's healing from an injury to her throat.

But, of course, that's not all Cho knows. There is plenty more that she will probably be able to guess and infer, because Ben and Allison are siblings, and Ben and Cho have had some fairly intense conversations about his family and upbringing. So Cho will be coming into that room also knowing Allison had been bought as a baby, that she has powers, that she was a part of the Academy, that she had been raised in the same isolated, loveless, abusive situation that Ben was.

So he is thinking about that, and also about how much he's going to be the center of attention for the next however long. That's never exactly been his favorite thing. But it's just Allison and Cho. That's not so bad, all in all. And he is at the very least sure that neither of them are going to try to pressure him into wearing something he hates.

[hersay]

Allison has been preparing for the past several days for this afternoon, and she's excited that it's finally going to pan out. Anchor, sadly, is lacking in terms of traditional clothing-supply options -- Allison isn't going to let Ben's first makeover be a used radiation suit that flatters no one! So, she's had to get creative. Luckily, when Allison puts her mind to something, there's very little she can't achieve, whether it's getting rich and famous, or tracking down her sister's awful, murderous boyfriend, or now, apparently, makeovers. She's looted through the unoccupied living quarters, trying to see if any of the old residents of Anchor left behind anything useful, and more importantly, anything in Ben's size.

Luckily, between the dorms and sadly sparse supply station, she's been able to come up with a couple candidates -- one pair of fitted gray trousers, a looser-fit but heavy-duty off-white slub tee, a soft blue button down, a white button down with thin blue stripes and rolled sleeves, and a dark blue denim jacket with fleece lining. She figures Ben will show up in a black shirt and black jeans, and these pieces are meant to be mixed and matched with those. Each of these pieces she's washed like, four times at least. It's like thrifting!

She hasn't brought any makeup, assuming that Ben probably won't want to dive into that right away, but she has brought some hair products: texturizing spray, pomade, a blow dryer, and a bottle of water with a misting nozzle that she stole borrowed from the spa. All of this is neatly folded and arranged into two plastic bags, both of them labeled "BLOCKBUSTER." None of this is ideal, of course, but it's better than nothing, and hopefully Ben has fun.

She's excited to see Cho, too. One of Ben's new friends! Allison has been introduced to people before, and she's pretty good at small talk, so she's not particulalry worried about that part, but it is a new feeling to be introduced to one of her brother's friends. The stakes are higher, or at least different. This meeting isn't about furthering her career, but about being friends with someone Ben cares about, and in that way, it's so much more personal than any introduction Allison has done before. Still, Allison thinks they'll have fun. From what Ben has told her about Cho (and about Cho's style), she sounds easy enough to get along with, and capable too, which Allison respects. Allison is a little worried that Ben has picked someone who apparently only wears scrubs and workout clothes to be his second opinion, though. Hopefully that doesn't cause any disagreements.

Allison waves at Ben and gives what she hopes Ben reads as an encouraging smile! It's certainly a big one. She then gets down to business, setting the bags on the table in the center of the space, and removing the pieces one by one.

[tenuefarfalla]

Cho is nervous. And it feels so silly to be nervous, but it isn't as though she can help it. It's not the normal amount of nerves that she feels before social interactions, the butterflies in her stomach of wondering if she'll make a connection, if she'll manage to fit in, understand the references, find someone who's interested in the things she's interested in. This is different. This is Ben's sister, and Ben is so important to her. She feels so close to him, so safe, cared for and accepted. She's used to forming bonds quickly - she loves easily and without reservation, and she can't think of much that she wouldn't give to see her friends happy. She's not used to feeling that the sentiment might run both ways, however, and that's probably what accounts for the nerves. It's not so much that Allison might not like her, but that if Allison doesn't like her, it could matter in ways that have nothing to do with brand new friendships.

It's the reason that she's taken extra care today, that she's found the best possible lighting in which to do her makeup, rather than relying largely on muscle memory as she does most days. It's why she's agonized over her outfit, simple though it may be, swapping out the blouse three times only to end up going with her first choice, and why, when she did settle on that first choice, she spent a solid ten minutes making sure the bow at her neck laid just so. It's one of the only times she's worn her hair mostly down, wanting to showcase the length, the care taken in keeping it smooth and shiny. It's why she braided the section that sweeps across from one temple and over past her other ear four times, starting over again each time the movement of her fingers created an unwanted snag, why curling her hair took over an hour. She wants to look good enough. She wants to be good enough. For what, she's not sure, but a lifetime spent being told that her only real worth is in her beauty has reared its ugly head. It certainly doesn't help that Ben's sister is a movie star, is exactly the type of glamorous person that Cho's family had always warned would not be fooled easily, would be looking for the slightest slip, for any reason to judge the family harshly at her slightest mis-step.

So, yeah, lot of feelings today.

She has also brought snacks, in a further effort to make a good impression, little sandwich rolls and something that would probably be quiche if she had the proper ingredients but has ended up more like a vegetarian egg bite, plus an assortment of homemade candies and iced herbal tea. Is she going overboard? Probably. Is she capable of pulling back from this overcompensation? Absolutely not. Besides, it's easier to not think about certain things if she can keep busy, and that is possibly the most compelling reason to spend an entire night designing a cookie press to make her best effort at a pizelle, and the better part of a day 3D printing it. It's not quite right, but it does look pretty. That's something, right?

She stands in front of the door, biting her lip and resisting the urge to run her fingers through her hair, not wanting to ruin what took such a long time to create. Is this what normal people feel, going to the home of a friend for the first time, meeting their family, knowing that whatever first impression they make, they will never be able to take it back? It's nerve wracking. She reaches out and forces herself to knock quickly before she can back out, telling herself that it will be fine, that it'll be fun, even. This will all be fun!

[benhargreeves]

Allison's assumption is, of course, correct. Ben is waiting in his usual black hoodie, black jeans, black simple boots. In a way, that outfit is like armor for him. He hides himself in it, blends in, fades into the background. The idea of trying anything else is... scarier than he wants to admit. But he knows that armor can be a kind of shell, and all Allison's coaxing and encouraging has him willing to step out of that shell, at least for a few minutes, to see how he likes it.

He greets his sister with a wave, trying to match her encouraging smile, although his own is much smaller, with the nerves behind it all too clear. As she starts unpacking items from the bags, Ben catches sight of a hairdryer, and something striped, and then he looks away. It's stupid to feel so anxious, but he does, and all he can do is try to mitigate it.

Fortunately, there's a knock at the door then, and Ben announces:

"Oh, good, Cho's here."

And he goes to let her in. At least, in theory. In actuality, he opens the door and then just stands in the way of her coming inside, because he's too surprised to move. She's dressed up fancy. Like, extremely fancy. Her hair is all in big curls and they definitely must've taken a lot of time, right? And he might not know a lot about fashion but that outfit looks like something out of a magazine. So he blinks at her a few seconds before remembering himself and moving aside to let her in.

"Um, wow. Okay. You look super nice, come on in!"

He is running through his memory trying to recall if he'd given the impression she had to get super dressed up for this, and he's worried that he'd implied that now and she'd gone out of her usual style to try to impress. Is it 'cause she is meeting Allison? Ben had mentioned that she's a movie star. Maybe Cho had felt like she ought to. He feels bad for not being clearer. All that fuss just over this stupid... clothes trying-on session.

That feeling of unease, of people going out of their way for him, of being at the center of someone else's attention, is stirring a little in Ben's stomach, but he tries to ignore that queasy feeling. If coming out of your shell were easy, people wouldn't need shells in the first place.

"Um, Allison, this is my friend, Cho Takahashi, and Cho, this is my sister, Allison."

He gestures between the two of them. An efficient introduction, right? Oh he is bad at this, isn't he?

[hersay]

Allison registers Ben's smaller smile, his anxiety. It's not unexpected -- Ben was nervous when Allison first brought up the idea of the makeover, and she didn't really expect him to change his attitude much. Allison isn't too bothered, though. She's just happy that Ben agreed to this at all, that he didn't back out. This could be really, really good for him, a way to help him more fully be a living person, not a ghost, always in stasis.

And, selfishly, Allison is happy that Ben is willing to try something that she's genuinely interested in. Even Luther didn't care much about this sort of thing, and didn't seem to want to share this interest with her. But Ben is at least willing to try, and seems to want to hang out with her, not some fictionalized version of her. She's not playing a role, not right now, and it feels like a weight's been lifted.

Allison pauses when she hears the knock at the door, turning to face the sound, and bringing her other hand up to wave. When Cho walks through, Allison blinks a couple times, not expecting Cho to look so...well, good. Classy. Put-together, and not in a childish matchy-matchy way. Cho seems to know her way around a wardrobe, and to Allison, that's a huge relief. Allison's smile grows wider, until she's positively beaming, trading her perfectly composed movie-star smile for something more genuine.

Allison strides over, hand outstretched for a shake, which, if Cho takes it, will be firm but brief, before Allison waves Cho to follow her to the table so Cho can set down her things, and also see what Allison has prepared.

[tenuefarfalla]

Ben's surprise is, for a moment, troubling. Did she overshoot? Undershoot? Was it a mistake to not put her hair up? She so rarely leaves it down, it may have been a bad call today. Is it too casual? Too unlike her. But his surprise doesn't last, and she feels almost immediately better. "Thank you. I wasn't sure about the hair with something so casual, but this feels like a little bit of a special occasion. Refining personal style, always an exciting thing, right?" She's trying to project her excitement like a force field, encompass Ben, get him on board with the way that this can be fun.

Cho takes Allison's hand, returning the shake, mirroring it. "Thank you so much for including me in this. Ben has said such lovely things about you, if even half of it is accurate and not just sibling affection, I feel very lucky to get the chance to get to know you. Also... I hope you won't think it's presumptuous of me, but Ben mentioned that you're recovering from an injury, and I know these keyboards are very small, so I thought that this might be helpful." Setting her bundle of snacks on the table, Cho pulls a large sketch book out of her bag. It's slightly water damaged, so she hasn't used it for its intended purpose, but the paper is still perfectly serviceable to be written on. "You don't have to use it if you don't want to," Cho promises her, holding it up, along with one of the felt markers from the lab. "I just thought it might be a little easier than us having to check our phones, or the conversation moving along without you."

[benhargreeves]

"I- yeah, I guess it is."

The hesitancy in his voice isn't over the importance of a change in style, but over the fact that it's him and she didn't have to go so all out, baking and doing her hair, and Allison had scoured for those clothes, and he just feels very... unworthy, of all of it. Cho's cheerful excitement does help, though. He's only mildly uneasy, rather than unbearably uncomfortable.

Still, Ben immediately snags one of those pizzelles the moment Cho puts the snacks down, because it gives him an excuse not to talk for a few moments and something to do with his hands, which is sort of the ultimate two-for-one special. But things seem to be going well so far? Allison is smiling her warmest smile, that genuine one Ben sees her get when she's talking about Claire or remembering some fond memory, and Cho is in fine form, so charming and polite and thoughtful. It's strangely nerve-wracking, caring about both of them and wanting them to like one another so badly.

"Um. So... how should we do this? Allison, I don't know if you've got - outfits planned already or if you want a couple minutes with Cho to like... make decisions or whatever. I'm just. Gonna keep eating these cookies until you tell me what to do."

And he snags another pizzelle, nibbling on it. Not as bad as it could have been, all in all. Sure, he's embarrassed to hand things over so completely to them, but they both know already he's hopeless at this, it's no great surprise. And once they choose what they want him to try, he can go into the next room and change into it and... try not to overthink.

[hersay]

Cho continues to be not what Allison expected. She's kinder, too, and genuinely considerate. It's not that Allison didn't expect Cho, personally, to be that nice. Allison doesn't expect genuine kindness from anyone, not really. Friendship and love, to her, are things that have to be won, and kindness is something that has to be earned. Allison, from a young age, was taught that warmth was a conditional thing, that no one gave it freely. Hollywood could be a little better at times, but not much -- so many people were interested in one, or maybe two things: money, always, and sometimes glory. There's a small part of Allison that wonders if Cho has some ulterior motive here, but if she does, Allison can't trace it. So Allison just tries to bury the thought, accepting the sketchbook gracefully and flipping open to the first page.

Thank you. I'm lucky to get this chance too!

And, then for both Cho and Ben, Allison writes: Check out the options. Let's decide what to try on first.

Allison lies the gray trousers and white tee out on the table so that it looks something like this. That's option one. The light blue and striped button down she places next to the full outfit, for options two and three.

I'm thinking the white top with the gray trousers, but the blue top would also work with those. If you want to go a little easier we can also just do the thin striped button down with the jeans you have on, Ben.